Orgasmic Mastery — A Course for Men
Week 1: Finding Your Normal
- Getting Started
- Your PC Muscle – Key to Orgasmic Mastery
- Kegel Muscle homework
- Personal Accountability
When embarking upon a new journey, it’s helpful to clearly assess your starting point. What’s your standard, baseline experience of self-pleasure? Chances are you have some sort of pattern or habit. Maybe you built up to this pattern or habit gradually over time, or maybe you created it in adolescence or even pre-adolescence.
Your first homework assignment is to bring your awareness to your current masturbation practices and find your normal. Below is questionnaire that will help you to reflect on your current habits. Later on in the course you will explore what your habits are with a partner.
Your PC Muscle – Key to Orgasmic Mastery
Please login or register for Orgasmic Mastery to view this content.Your PC (pubococcygeus) muscle is crucial to your ability to master your orgasms, so we’re going to start learning about it right away. The PC muscle is quite long and extends from your pubic bone down around the base of your cock all the way between down to your anus. It surrounds your anal sphincter and attaches to your coccyx, or tailbone. The etymology is as follows: pubo = pubic bone, coccygeus = coccyx, or tailbone, thus the name pubococcygeus. It’s a pretty big muscle!
The PC muscle is sometimes known as the sex muscle. Strengthening your PC muscle using Kegel exercises might be the single most important thing you can do to improve your sex life. Dr. Arnold Kegel developed the eponymously-named Kegel exercises in the 1950s. As a gynecologist, he sought to help women gain strength in order to facilitate smoother childbirths. The exercises proved to be incredibly effective, but they also had this unexpected side effect: the women started reporting an easier time having orgasms! They had more orgasms, better orgasms, stronger orgasms, and multiple orgasms. If you do an internet search on Kegel exercises, most of what you’ll find relates to women.
When I was 19 years old I started exploring Kegel exercises, which I like to call PC pull-ups, and have been doing them off and on for 12 years since. When you first start doing your PC pull-ups, you may find that your PC muscles are really weak. It may be uncomfortable, maybe even painful or sore to try playing with these exercises. It’s like working with any weak muscle: don’t overdo it! Start off slowly, and build up over time. Just like going to the gym – when you go to the gym for the first time, you’re not going to come home and suddenly be super buff. But, if you start going and create a regular workout routine where you are dong this on a consistent basis, in a couple of months you are going to see a significant change.
So why should you do Kegels? Why should you create a greater connection to having stronger PC muscles? Kegel exercises help you to gain:
*stronger erections;
*stronger, more powerful orgasms;
*the ability to shoot further when you ejaculate;
*the muscle control needed to have non-ejaculatory orgasms;
*male multiple orgasms.
These are some pretty damned good reasons!
The next time that you go to the bathroom, practice stopping the stream of urine. The muscle you are using to do that is part of your PC muscle. Try doing it repeatedly: pee, stop the flow, and do it again. Gain consciousness of which muscles you are using. This might be easy or challenging. Or maybe it even burns. If that’s the case, then you are starting with a relatively weak PC muscle. Don’t despair! This simply means you need to give it more attention. Once you have this awareness of your PC muscle, you don’t need to do that in the same way every time you urinate, only initially to get the hang of it. Some doctors say it’s not healthy to interrupt urine flow repeatedly, but in small doses it poses little risk. Once you are aware, and once you know what it feels like to squeeze that muscle, you can squeeze that muscle anytime. Try it right now. Tune into the muscle and contract the pelvic floor.
Another way for you to get in touch with your PC muscle is to sit on your heels if you are flexible enough to do so. Sit such that your heel is on your taint – the area between your anus and your genitals, also know as the perineum. Alternatively, use your middle three fingers to press into that spot. Now try to squeeze the muscles that you feel against your fingers or your heel. If you feel something contracting, there you go – that’s your PC muscle. Just give it a squeeze a few times and see how hard you can squeeze it. Try to do a three second long squeeze, and then release.
I recommend you practice your Kegel exercises multiple times throughout the day in order to have a strong PC muscle. This is the key gaining orgasmic mastery, and having full control over your ejaculation. When you have a strong PC muscle, you will be able to squeeze in order to keep yourself from ejaculating; instead of releasing semen, you will be able to move that energy throughout your body.
Breath also plays a powerful role in learning orgasmic mastery. Breathing is usually an unconscious exercise, something that we rarely think about it. Breathing is one of those rare bodily functions that can be controlled both unconsciously and consciously. If we want to, we can choose how to breathe – how fast, how deeply, and whether we breathe into the chest or the belly. You can take shallow, slow breaths, or rapid and deep breaths.
To help you gain orgasmic mastery, it can be useful to slow down the breath, and bring the breath deeply into the belly. Place your hands on your belly and feel it expand as your inhale. You can think of your entire internal body cavity as being like a balloon. As you inhale, you are blowing up that balloon, but the balloon doesn’t just expand forward in your belly. Your ribcage can expand outward in every direction. Place your hands on your ribs on the sides and see if you can use your breath to expand your ribs outward, towards your hands. Now place your hands on your back and see if you can breathe into your back, which will expand your ribcage out towards your backside. Now place your hands on your belly, expanding outward.
Week 1 Homework:
First, answer these questions about your masturbation habits:
- Why do you masturbate?
- How long do your sessions typically last?
- What are your habits with masturbation?
- How has masturbation changed for you throughout your life?
- How do you touch/pleasure yourself? Which parts of your body do you touch? How much focus/attention do you put on different parts of your body?
- Do you use your right hand? Your left hand? Both hands?
- Do you use lube, toys, or anything else?
- What do you think about when you masturbate? Do you fantasize?
- Do you use porn or other external sources of stimulation?
- What is the setting usually like? Lighting, mood, fragrance, music, etc.?
- Do you ever masturbate with a partner? If so, how is that different from or similar to solo masturbation?
- What quality and quantity of pleasure do you derive from masturbation? Does this vary from session to session? If so, what accounts for the variation?
- If you were to put it into words, how would you describe what your orgasms feel like?
- Are you silent while you masturbate? Do you make any kinds of sounds? What kinds of sound? Just when you cum? Throughout? Neither?
- How do you feel after you cum? Tired? Drained? Peaceful? Invigorated? Something else?
- For you, is ejaculation and orgasm the same or different? Explain.
- What do you do that makes masturbation more enjoyable and fulfilling?
- What do you do that makes masturbation less enjoyable and fulfilling?
Next, carve some time out for yourself and masturbate as you usually do.
Only this time, intentionally check in with yourself regularly throughout to notice things like:
- Notice how you are breathing before you start. Describe:
- Notice how your breathing changes (if at all) as you get more aroused. Describe:
- Notice how your breathing changes as you orgasm. Describe:
- Notice how your breathing is post-orgasm. Describe:
- Where did you feel your orgasm? In your genitals? In other parts of your body?
- What did you notice about this particular session that is different from what you already wrote above about your general masturbation habits?
Finish these sentences…
Masturbation is…
I wish masturbation would be…
I find it challenging to admit to myself about my masturbation that…
Check out Destin’s youtube video on Kegel muscle exercises:
Do 25 fast squeezes, and 1 set of 10 slow squeezes, twice per day.
Tip for slow squeezes: When you curl with a dumbbell, you want to be controlled in how fast you curl up and down. With PC muscle, you don’t do a slow controlled squeeze in and then release it instantly – make it a slow release as well as a slow squeeze.
Be sure to print out the spreadsheet below to keep track of your progress!
Attachments:
| File | Description | File Size |
| mastquestionnaire | Downloadable Word doc of the Masturbation Habits questionnaire | 22 kb |
| Orgasmic Mastery Practices | Print out this spreadsheet and simply check off after doing each of the practices. | 131 kb |
With love,
Susan Bratton