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Are We Thinking About Female Sexuality In Male Terms?

Are We Thinking About Female Sexuality In Male Terms?

I just read a fascinating book, “The Other Side of Desire, Four Journeys Into The Far Realms of Lust and Longing.”

In it, Daniel Bergner tries to understand what drives people with unusual sexual desires including a foot fetish, a female sadist (very rare), a man who yearns for disabled people, and a pedophile.

511+TXklTFL._SL160_In a nutshell, there’s some kind of early imprinting and an imbalance of hormones that trigger this kind of behavior and the people who have these unique sexual predilections, for the most part, would prefer to fall in to a more normal range of sexual interests. It’s not easy for them.

Here’s what I found most interesting… Meredith Chivers, a psychologist in Toronto wanted to understand why mostly men, and not women were paraphilic (into unusual sexual activities that centered on body parts, not sexual acts). She showed pictures and videos of hetero and homosexuals and bonobo monkeys to women and men and measured the erections of men and the vaginal wetness of women.

Her studies found that wetness didn’t have a wide range based on the images for women, but did for men. There were very specific preferences that made men erect, but did not generate a range of vaginal engorgement.

She believes that we are thinking about female sexuality in male terms and that women require “emotional kindling,” rather than just imagery, to be truly aroused. The wetness could be a biological protection in case the woman were to be raped or to be expected to have intercourse when imagery like that appears.

Instead, Chivers is working on the concept of “desire” as being what turns a woman on. Not images of men or women or copulation.

What I find fascinating about this whole study, is that it leads directly in to what Dr. Patricia Taylor writes in her new Seduction Trilogy: Seduce Her Tonight, The Seduction Accelerator and Her Sexual Trainer.

In Seduce Her Tonight and The Seduction Accelerator, Dr. Patti gives four keys for getting a woman aroused, and they are all communications techniques that show the man’s desire for the woman in very small bites.

Dr. Patti calls the first key the “String of Yesses.” This is where you make small offers to which it’s easy for a woman to say “yes.” You escalate the offers in a certain way so that a woman’s energy goes from neutral to arousal, or even from negative to neutral to arousal.

The second key is “Erotic Vigilance.” This system teaches you to notice and appreciate a woman. It’s like a cheat sheet for really “seeing” her, and that attention gets her turned on.

Both of these communication tools clearly show a man’s desire, but in very small doses that don’t blow a woman out.

It’s much better for a woman to hear how beautiful she looks and would she like a neck rub than to flat out say, “hey baby, let’s have sex tonight, what say???”

Bottom line, there’s something to this idea that what turns a woman on is to be desired by a man. But it has to be offered with subtlety, and this is what Dr. Patti teaches.

Fascinating that two things I’m reading are so connected… But then again, when you are always reading about sex and seduction, there are bound to be connections!

I hope that tonight, you will start with some small offers and appreciations for your woman… Try it.

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