What: One of my favorite things about conducting the interviews with the dozen specialists about sex life rejuvenation for Revive Her Drive were the quirky insights, the counter-intuitive wisdom, the shortcuts and loopholes to seduction that these clever experts shared.
Who: Here’s a good example from Alex Allman, most well-known for his advanced sex tips newsletter called “The Allman Report,” his book, “Revolutionary Sex,” and his program, “Passionate Love, Passionate Life.”
Summary: Your sexual confidences makes it easier for her to let go and enjoy herself, especially when you appreciate the full force of her femininity.
Full Report: What 99% Of All Women On This Planet REALLY Want.
Alex Allman: It’s funny because you hit something so big when you asked what women really want. There’s what every single woman tells me she wants from a man or what every man tells me he wants from a woman, and then there’s what they really want.
Susan Bratton: How do you get a woman to trust you sexually, to feel confident surrendering to you? What does a man need to do for her to be willing to overcome not only her overall resistance issues, one by one, but any that come up in the moment of her heightening arousal? Often, there’s a lot of nervous energy as a woman gets aroused that can feel like “fight or flight or freeze,” until she surrenders to her sympathetic nervous system and lets you take her on that ride?
Alex Allman: For surrender to occur, she must trust you. Trust is created when you are able to “hold space” for her. Yet that concept and possibility are so far out of her reality – she literally comes from a place of not knowing what she doesn’t know. 99 percent of the women on the planet are never going to say, “What I really want is a man who could hold space for me so that I can explore my full femininity.” It wouldn’t occur to them. They don’t even know it exists. It’s so far outside of their realm of possibility.
BUT…
If somebody said, “would you like a man to support you completely in exploring your full femininity?”
She’d say, “Yes, I want that. I really, deeply want that.”
I realized men and women actually want the same thing, but they have totally different vocabularies for asking for what they want, which makes it sound like men and women want very different things. What most women will request are passion and confidence. Passion is something that women don’t often get from men, and the reason they’re not getting it from men is because men are so often caught up in trying to please her or he’s acting overly secure about his masculinity that he’s become the jerk who just wants to get off and then order a pizza. It turns out that guy is not secure. He’s insecure. He’s a guy that’s literally given up on the possibility that he’s lovable. He’ll take sex, but he’s given up on being the kind of man who a woman would stand for, man who a woman would want to be with forever in a really powerful and romantic context. He’s lost his ability to believe that’s possible, and he may have lost it in his childhood.
Women so rarely get passion. One of the things that passion really takes is confidence, and of course every woman wants a guy who’s confident. We could get super specific about men who are very confident in their basketball playing ability or in their job. Men can be confident that they know how to make a living, they know that they’re the best damn sales guy out there on the floor. And at the same time, they still lack sexual confidence. A lot of men that think they’re sexually confident aren’t because they’re still wrapped up in their image issues.
The reason confidence is so important to a woman is because women have such difficulty with sexual confidence themselves. If you’re not confident about your sexuality, you immediately bring your weirdness in the room. It was hard enough for her not to bring her weirdness, but when you’ve already brought your weirdness and you’ve already got some issues, it is impossible for her not to vibe on that and act a little strange about it.
It’s that issue that she is going to have in being totally free with her nudity, with her sexuality, with all of her juiciness. Her inability to do that with us is not because she’s got this insecurity, but because you didn’t have your sexual confidence dialed in. Those are the things that really show up. A lot of women will often say, “We want a man who’s capable of intimacy.” It turns out that being capable of intimacy is a function of confidence and these things become circular. They all start meaning the same thing.
Now one of the big learning’s that I had when I was really listening to what women wanted from a man is for him to be not only a good giver, but also a good receiver. We’re so busy trying to be good at giving because giving makes you feel as though, “Then they’ll accept me because I can give her a great orgasm. Because I’m great in bed she’ll accept me.”
What she wants is the same thing. She wants to be great in bed for you, and to do that she needs to feel like she’s that person who’s giving you this great experience. That’s what gives her confidence.
Editors Note: A woman who is fully expressed sexually will often also feel very confident that just by being a great receiver herself, she’s giving you more than you could ever desire. In those moments of incredible sex, she’s just being, not doing and it’s perfect. By her loving how you are making love to her – she’s giving as she’s receiving and so are you.
This is just one small example of a new way of considering your sexual relating in a program (Revive Her Drive) chocked full of wisdom and productive advice.
If you enjoyed this, please let me know.
With Love,
Susan Bratton