Sex With Wife Video Tutorial – How To Have Sex With Your Wife – Why Larry Gets Rebuffed
This movie clip, The Joneses (2009) is a lightweight love story with a twist. Demi Moore and David Duchovny’s neighbors, Larry and Summer, are not intimately connected anymore, much to Larry’s chagrin.
During the movie, Larry tries a number of strategies (compliments, sexual advances, buying gifts) that don’t get him the results he wants.
Here’s What Larry Could Have Done To Have Sex With His Wife, Summer
Watch this short clip where Larry (Gary Cole) tries to make love with his wife, Summer (Glenne Headly) and gets rebuffed.
The reason why this classic scene is in this movie, is because it’s repeated every night in marriage beds all over the world.
Larry could have turned this into an opportunity to make love to his wife. If he understood the nuances of female-psychology and seduction.
You’ll notice that Larry was very sweet and solicitous. He gave Summer a compliment and then reached out to touch her. Any woman would look at this and tell you in a second why it didn’t work.
She will say the compliment seemed merely a thinly veiled way to ask for sex.
Guys think if they start with a compliment, then make their sexual advance move, it will soften their woman into wanting to be intimate.
Giving her a compliment and then immediately making an amorous gesture, in a woman’s mind, almost completely negates the value of the compliment. She thinks, “He’s just saying that to get under my nightie.”
A man, once rebuffed, would think “She’s just not interested.” “She doesn’t want to have sex.”
If she felt in general, that he was good at giving her pleasure, it’s likely Summer could be interested in heating things up, if Larry had tried a different tack.
First of all, what had he done all day to get Summer simmering? Had he touched her at all during the day? Had he given her any compliments earlier?
If he saved it all up for night-night, it’s not going to feel authentic to her, it’s going to feel manipulative.
Secondly, Summer is a character who is ambitious (she sells a line of cosmetics from her home) and likes to go to sleep at night immediately after reviewing her professional goals.
A woman that focused on her work is not “in her body.” Larry needs to bring lots of little sensual experiences into her life consistently. In this Stealth Turn-Around Seduction Techniques book, I give you 10 ideas you can do without even telling your love what you are doing. She will thrill to these, because they are what a woman considers, “romantic.” Try them out and see how immediately she’ll respond without rejecting you.
If Larry was using “Erotic Vigilance” (Dr. Patti explains the four keys of seduction, of which Erotic Vigilance is one, in her interview in Revive Her Drive) he would have noticed that Summer’s pattern is to read her goals then turn out the lights and go to sleep.
So he needs to find a way to make love to her earlier and still give her time before sleeping to do her visualizations.
Larry’s first mistake was coupling a compliment and an erotic offer together.
Larry’s second mistake was not noticing what Summer likes to do before bed.
What he could have done was evoke the first Seduction Key, “Small Offers.”
What Larry offered was sex.
That’s a BIG offer for almost any woman, especially a woman who isn’t asking for intimacy, and is actually shying away from it.
If instead, Larry started earlier in the evening offering Summer a menu of small offers, by the time they got to bed, she might have been willing to return his affection.
As a master seducer of your wife, you have to ease yourself back into lovemaking it it’s been strained between you two.
Think about a month-long plan, where you’re going to pay more attention to her (Erotic Vigilance), make her Small Offers, and decouple the compliments from asking for sex. And pour on the compliments about how sexy and beautiful she is to you during sex, when it finally happens.
Larry could have hugged her in the kitchen earlier that day.
He could have offered her a foot rub, a neck massage, something that she would enjoy that would get her feeling good body sensations.
He could have looked her in the eyes and brushed a hair from her cheek.
He could have fed her a spoonful of dessert at dinner.
After dinner he could have offered to give her a body massage or a bubble bath before bed.
The first week or so, he could have told Summer how proud he is of her ambition and how he wants to support her. He could have offered to hold or snuggle her after she read her goals and turned out the lights. Or asked her, “How can you focus on your goals before bed while also letting me love you a little?” And then see how she answered.
Instead of immediately offering sex, he can warm her up over days or weeks by offering her, love, affection, stroking, cuddling, hugging, snuggling, massaging, spooning…
If Larry keeps up the sensual patter, over days and days, she will slowly warm to him again.
Most importantly, if she says no, just scale your offers down, make them even smaller. But don’t stop. There is no failure, only feedback. Don’t think of her, “No,” as rejection, think of it merely as a response with information you can use to adjust. Consider it a “data point,” and please, please, please try not to take it personally. Even though it feels like rejection, once you start to find out what she is willing to say, “Yes!” to, your win rate will start to advance.
A woman is a fire – she warms up very, very slowly and then needs care to fan her embers so she burns hot.
A man is a light switch. Flick. He’s ON.
Take your time. Put your attention on your woman. Find small, sensual things that delight her. Go slowly, and never stop. Soon, she will want to accelerate her sensations with you.
Remember adolescence? Kissing her neck, cupping a breast, copping a feel, stroking her… Even those are big offers to a woman with whom you are not regularly having steamy sex.
And yes, there are a number of other things you can actively do to move her from shut down to turned on. Stay tuned for more blog posts.