In this excerpt of the best interview anyone has ever done with David Shade, creator of the Masterful Lover brand of programs, Susan Bratton queries David on “masculinity.”
Warning: Some of this content may be hard hitting. Read it sitting down and give yourself time to digest it.
Susan Bratton: For a lot of younger men, young women are very emancipated sexually and they will go after a man and they will initiate. She becomes the aggressor. Or, in a relationship, when a man and his woman are equal partners outside the bedroom, how does a man get his masculinity to flourish in that dynamic?
David Shade: Younger women are emancipated and often they lead. Okay, very good. Now in what context are they leading?
Now what you’ll find is young women will lead in getting the date. They’ll lead in getting things started, but what ends up happening when things actually get sexual, she actually wants him to take the lead.
Susan Bratton: That makes total sense, based on everything I know as a strong woman and everything I’ve learned in all my workshops, reading and in interviewing the dozen experts like you for Revive Her Drive.
David Shade: There ultimately comes a moment where she wants him to take the lead. Now there are a very few women who will take the lead all the way through, all the way through, including through the sexuality. And they will be very leading and they will be very dominant. There are a very few women who just naturally are that way.
Susan Bratton: Yeah, we’re really talking about what we call edge cases in that case.
David Shade: Yeah, and we won’t go there.
David Shade: We’ll talk about the general majority of situations that men will run into. A masterful lover sees the truth that women are highly sexual creatures. Women crave to be ruthlessly sexually expressive. But she cannot initiate because one, she is sexually submissive, and two, it would define her as a slut. Now we’re talking about the general majority of cases. And because women can’t find a man who’s capable of leading her it is infinitely frustrating. Women often find themselves settling for a cheating self-absorbed inconsiderate jerk bad boy who leads her sexually because she is addicted to the fulfillment of her sexual desires. She can’t find an honest man who’s capable of doing that for her. Women need to have a man who is comfortable with her sexuality but the only one she can find who appears to be comfortable with her sexuality is the bad boy. But in actuality he has the Madonna whore complex.
Now the masterful lover regarding women; the masterful lover empathizes with women, is fascinated by women, believes in women and genuinely likes women. He adores everything that defines a woman as a woman. He derives no greater pleasure than pleasing his woman. Now this might all sound very supplicating or making a man feminine, but that is the farthest thing from the truth. Actually women adore the masculinity in a man. A man doesn’t need to know the difference between a clutch and a handbag, that’s the woman’s job. But he does need to believe in women and genuinely like women. There are a lot of men who say they love women, but they don’t really like women.
4 Needs Of Women
Susan Bratton: They’re scared of them and intimidated by the whole situation and it turns into a meanness.
David Shade: Exactly. The masterful lover understands that female sexuality is entirely mental. Critically important and we’ll get into that later. The masterful lover understands that women need four things. Number one, to feel special and appreciated. Two, to feel a deep emotional connection to her man. Three, to feel feminine, beautiful and sexy. And four, to have hot passionate sex. If you look at any divorce the woman left because she was not getting one or more of the four things.
Susan Bratton: Now I know, at least my husband tells me he loves the checklist. And you could essentially use this entire manifesto that you’re laying out, how to be a masterful lover as a checklist, you could go through this and do a little inventory and say, “How are my limiting beliefs? How’s my shame around sex? How’s my self-confidence? If I’m not getting the kind of sex I want and I’m in a relationship, am I giving my woman these four things? Am I showing up for her and is she getting what she wants?” I really, really like that and I am also reminded of a friend of mine, a very lovely man who actually, because he’s my friend, I kind of get an insight into his world of dating, he dates a lot of women. And every time he talks about any one of the many women that he’s had sex with he’s always communicating to me how they did something really special together and they just had a great connection and it was super hot and sexy, and she was just so gorgeous. And he’ll say that to me over the course of six months, about 15 different women, and in every instance that he tells me that, he believes it. It’s so real for him. There’s absolutely no bullshit in his communicating it to me. I just see him as an example of a man that’s very attractive to women, and I think it’s because the way he frames his connection with them in his mind seems like it’s naturally hitting on these four things they want. Very interesting, huh?
David Shade: Absolutely. The woman needs all four things. It absolutely has to be there. And in a marriage for example what will often happen is a woman will take a lover so she can get what she’s missing with her husband. If she’s feeling appreciated and a deep emotional connection with her husband but is no longer turned on by him, she’ll cheat with a bad boy. The bad boy makes her feel feminine, sexy and beautiful and gives her very hot sex. But he’ll disrespect her. She needs to get needs one and two met from her husband, and she goes to the bad boy to get needs three and four met.
Susan Bratton: Yeah, that’s no good. Every guy listening on this call right now is thinking to himself, “I got to give her all four, ‘cause I’m not getting what I want”, right?
David Shade: If a man is not getting what he wants, like hot passionate sex with this woman, it’s his own fault.
Susan Bratton: Yeah, that’s hard to hear.
David Shade: Now you’ve heard my story, you know the tough lesson I’ve had.
Susan Bratton: Yeah, right.
David Shade: Oh yeah. The masterful lover absolutely fulfills all four of her needs. And since the four needs are somewhat interrelated when all four needs are met it makes everyone of those satisfied needs even more powerful. Now what could be oversimplified to be stated the same that in the living room he’s the good guy, and in the bedroom he is the bad boy. But more accurately we could say in a non-sexual context he makes her feel special, appreciated and emotionally intimate, meeting needs one and two. And in the sexual context he makes her feel feminine, beautiful and sexy and he gives her hot passionate sex. Now there is overlap in the four needs. The masterful lover uses that. He will transition his special appreciated woman from the non-sexual context to the sexual context by ramping up the emotional connection, featuring her femininity and beauty, making her feel sexy and then taking her into the bedroom and leading her into ruthlessly expressive sexuality.
Ruthlessly Expressive Sexuality
Susan Bratton: Why do you call it ruthlessly expressive? What does that mean?
David Shade: Completely uninhibited, animalistic, carnal, deeply sexual and expressably so. Now after she’s done that and while still in the bedroom the masterful lover will immediately return her to being his special appreciated woman who he feels deeply emotionally connected to, and thus the circle is completed and the circle feeds on itself.
Susan Bratton: He’s bridging the two states.
David Shade: And he is also reducing any thoughts that she might have about being slutty.
Susan Bratton: Yeah. Yeah, ‘cause he’s giving her his full love and acceptance at the end.
David Shade: Now women love to get slutty, meaning in the good way. We’ll use that to describe ruthlessly expressive sexually.
Susan Bratton: You might say something like being completely in her turn on, something like that’s what a woman might say. She would never say – well sometimes women do say, “Yeah, I was totally slutty”. But for the most part that’s a derogatory phrase for a woman. It gets the state, I understand, but it’s sometimes hard for women to hear that.
David Shade: And women absolutely do not want to be viewed as a slut.
Susan Bratton: Yes.
David Shade: So that’s why the masterful lover after the very exciting hot passionate sex he will immediately return her to his special appreciated beautiful endearing woman that he has a deep emotional connection with. And thus she was able to be ruthlessly sexual without being judged for it and actually being appreciated for it.
Susan Bratton: Appreciated for it, right, going beyond no judgment into, “Thank god. Thank you baby. I love this. Give it all to me”, right?
David Shade: Exactly.
Susan Bratton: Yeah, so much better.
David Shade: The masterful lover understands that this is what women dream about.
Susan Bratton: Yeah, if you don’t believe it then you own that limiting belief and it’s holding you back.
David Shade: Yeah. Men need to get it through their thick skulls, this is what women dream about.
Susan Bratton: Exactly.
David Shade: Now the masterful lover is going to select wisely. He knows that success begins by choosing wisely. He selects a woman who believes that she is worthy of happiness. Everything he needs to completely fulfill her is already within her, but she can only be as fulfilled as she believes she deserves to be. The masterful lover selects an intelligent woman. He understands that since female sexuality is entirely mental, the more intelligent she is the more powerfully he can affect her. And of course he would only select a woman who is comfortable with her sexuality. Yes, he takes responsibility in the bedroom, but she is responsible for not sabotaging it.
Get a FREE CD From David Shade: The Secrets of the Masterful Lover here >>
 |
Members Only Content Please login or register for a Free Membership to view this content. |
With love,
Sloane Fox
One Response
For the past two years now, I have been reading and researching a lot about female orgasm(s), and about how to initiate sexual desire or exploration of new sexual ideas and practices with my spouse of 25 years.
When we do have sex, (which is not often enough for me), she definitely has very strong orgasms, and even has a lot of moisture and fluids as she orgasms, but is far from having any g-spot or female ejaculation orgasms, no matter what I do or try. I have been very careful of her feelings, and her thoughts about sex in general, and she has explained to me that she has very strong and fulfilling orgasms just the way I give them to her, but also says that she can only take just so much intensity and contractions of both her clitoris and her vaginal canal, and any more she feels would be too much for her to even attempt, because, as she puts it, I like birthday cakes, but there is only so much that I can eat, before it becomes too sweet, and too much for me to enjoy, and that’s the way she feels about sex, and orgasms too.
I try real hard to understand this type of reaction, when all I have ever read or seen is that women complain that their husband or boyfriend or lover just doesn’t try hard enough to give her an orgasm at all, let alone me being with one that is more than satisfied with what I give to her, or do with her, that she doesn’t feel that she needs any more activity that night, or for maybe even a week later, because she tells me she gets so physically drained of energy, as well as the intensity level that she physically feels, would make it feel uncomfortable, or even painful, if I were to try to give her more than what she wants at any one given time.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not dissatisfied, or upset, or feel that I am not getting enough physical activity time with her to give her her orgasms, which very few times takes longer than about 25 minutes, with her telling me how, what, where and speed and pressure with my lips and tongue and fingers so that I know that I am giving her what she wants. I have told her how much I enjoy giving her oral, how beautiful I think her body and sexual areas are so beautiful to me, describing the whole reaction I have, as like watching a beautiful flower opening up, engorged and colorful, and so easy to keep her satisfied.
I also have watched her thighs as they quiver rapidly, and then have felt her legs squeeze my head really tightly as she reaches her orgasm, and I love to watch her contractions and her pleasure sounds and exclamations during her moment of orgasm, which tends to last for about five to ten minutes.
Now to me, that is what I live for. To be able to give to her a satisfying sexual experience, and to let her know that I love her, and everything about her. I just wish that I could give her an orgasm that would allow her to have a female ejaculation as well, and while she is not opposed to that, she just doesn’t think it is necessary, because she is already as satisfied as she feels with the way things are. I just feel that sometimes I am failing to give her the best orgasm she is capable of having, if she is not really interested in going to that degree, primarily because she says that she would feel too embarrassed if that would happen.
Anyway, I just wondered if this is unusual or whether other women find themselves at a point in their sexual lives that they are completely satisfied with the way things are going, that she doesn’t even entertain the thought of changing anything about our sexual encounters.
By the way, she has never denied me my sexual gratification either, but I would still love to be able to give her a really wet orgasm, but do not push her about it, because I want to respect her feelings and desires.