Sex Is Over After Menopause – What A Guy Can DO
I think this explains her position on sex: “It’s over after menopause”, “No need for sex as I don’t want any more children.” I’ve joined your club, now what do I need to read to try to help her & I over this (were in this together). Funny as I remember her mom making the same comments when she was 60.
First of all, I appreciate that you hold the perspective that you two are “in this together,” and that you are willing to take on the turn-around plan and own it, so you can lead her into feeling her sensuality again as a women.
Before jumping to conclusions about what she’s thinking, or trying to guess what is going through her mind… When you say you “think” it explains her position, I’d encourage you first to actually talk to her about what’s happening with her body.
Is she in menopause? Through it? Getting hot flashes?
Is she feeling more or less sexual? For many women, they get a surge of hormones that actually make them more aroused, but that body feeling may conflict with her beliefs about menopause in her mind.
Might she consider some genital massage to keep herself young and full of vigor?
Is she hoping that you’ll buy into the myth that sex is over after menopause? Is this the limiting belief she’s holding? Is she using this as an excuse not to have sex with you anymore because she never really liked it that much anyway? (if that’s the case, which is likely, we will take care of that next, after unearthing what’s holding her back)
Talk to her over the next week or two and get the answers to these questions for us.
Read Overcoming Resistance and think about how you are going to get UNDERNEATH what she’s saying to her beliefs about her situation.
Then we can take the next steps to either working around physical limitations or overcoming mental limitations.
I want to assure you that many of my girlfriends are through menopause and it never stopped them from loving sex or wanting it. Sex can keep getting better and better one’s entire life if you have the mindset to allow it to flourish.
There are times when the hormone fluctuations can make the vaginal tissue very sensitive, or a woman’s breasts sensitive. It can literally feel like there’s ground glass inside her vagina and it doesn’t feel good to be touched there. That’s when an estrogen creme can remove the pain and often overnight, her vagina can feel better again. (Estrogen creme can be purchased over the counter or you can get a prescription from a doctor. I like the phyto (plant-based) cremes rather than the synthetic cremes but every woman can easily do online research and talk to friends about options that are right for her. The important point here is that there doesn’t need to be any discomfort.)
What you need to do is get a true level set on what’s happening with her body and what’s happening in her mind with her beliefs about menopause.
If her mother programmed her to think that sex after menopause isn’t good or required, you’ll need to expand her thinking with updated information.
I recommend this book by Dr. Christiane Northrup: The Secret Pleasures of Menopause.
Dr. Northrup believes that women can learn to enjoy post-menopause the best years of her life! Even though studies show that menopause doesn’t decrease libido, ease of reaching orgasm, or sexual satisfaction, the majority of menopausal women aren’t experiencing the pleasure and sexual satisfaction that is their birthright. It is a long-held misconception that menopause signals “the beginning of the end,” and nothing could be further from the truth.
So find out what she really thinks and what’s happening with her body. Then you will be empowered to take her from where ever she is to enjoying the pleasures of her body with you for years to come.