QUESTION
Hi there, my name is Melissa and my husband and I just started the Female Liquid Orgasm course. We have been interested in squirting and over the last week I was able to gush twice.
I get the whole “just letting go” thing and as I have 4 children so “birthing my orgasm” feels natural to me.
The problem I am having is that I was sexually abused when I was a girl when I ejaculate, it makes me aware of feelings of abuse from my childhood. I feel like I have a chill on my bladder, kind of like a bladder infection. I really don’t like this feeling and it can last right into the next day.
At the same time, I do like some of the feelings from ejaculating and when I did gush it was pretty amazing.
My husband loves it too.
I just feel like I am holding back a little as I am scared of feeling that vulnerable and having that bad feeling.
What would u suggest I do to help this? My husband is very patient with me and he doesn’t mind if I do or do not ejaculate. He is just happy making me turned on.
I just think that if i could so called ”master” female ejaculation, then maybe it will do a bit of healing — as i felt such a release from the times I have ejaculated. Any help would be much appreciated.
Kind Regards,
Melissa
ANSWER
Hi Melissa,
From what you’ve told me, I have a feeling that you are holding some past emotional upset in your genital area.
G-Spot stroking can stir up those old emotions. But it will also RELEASE them for you.
The vagus nerve runs from your brain down your middle and into your genital area. Your enteric nervous system is also in your gut and genitals. Your GUT is considered your second brain. This is your emotional body, your emotional nervous system. That’s why you feel the upset when you ejaculate. The past abuse is held there until you release it.
The fact that the vagus nerve* connects to women’s genitals and not to men’s might also explain why women are thought to seek and have more emotion in their sexual experiences.
I recommend you have your husband stroke you consistently, starting lightly and adding more pressure as you reach for more. That will give you ejaculatory releases as often as you are in the mood, and then really nurture yourself afterward and be aware that you are releasing this toxic emotion and proactively be mindful to just let it go.
Feel and acknowledge the bad and good feelings and notice them and then let them go.
This upset feeling will pass. You will have many emotions come up from crying to laughing like a hyena. This is all completely normal and part of the pelvic healing process.
You may also want to get clear by working with a somatic therapist schooled in the Peter Levine method called, Somatic Experience Technique. This is a way of getting the trauma out of your body’s emotional memory. Or you may want to learn more from Deborah Anapol’s Pelvic Heart Healing process.
I am glad you are doing this. Keep going. The fear, upset and pain will all recede and pure pleasure will expand.
Please also drink a LOT of water, dear. A lot. That will help flush everything through.
Glad you wrote to us and let me know how it goes.
With Love,
Tallulah
Note: Here’s an interview Susan Bratton did with Dacher Keltner, author of Born to Be Good and an expert in the vagal nerve.
Dacher Keltner, Cro-Magnon CEO’s, Your Jen Ratio and Why We Are Born to Be Good
Dacher Keltner: You have this thing called the autonomic nervous system which is the part of the nervous system that lies below your brain stem. And it is bundles of nerves that go to organs in your body to help your body navigate its environment.
One part of the nervous system which science has studied a lot is the fight/flight, what is called the sympathetic autonomic nervous system. That boosts heart rate, makes your hands sweat, shuts down digestion, gives you cotton mouth, tenses muscles, makes you ready to go.
Susan Bratton: And dumps cortisol.
Dacher Keltner: Exactly. We’ve done thousands of studies on that. A question that you should ask is: “What else is there?” Right? There is this other branch called the parasympathetic autonomic nervous system, little bundles of nerves coming out of the spinal cord. One of those bundles of nerves is the vagus nerve.
Here’s what we know and it’s very recent to scientific inquiry. We know that the vagus nerve stimulates vocalization which helps you connect with others. We’re just learning as a field that the vagus nerve goes into the top of your spinal cord and interacts with oxytocin receptors, a neuropeptide that helps you connect.
We know that the vagus nerve calms your heart rate down and makes you peaceful around others, and then we know the vagus nerve does a lot of things but it is unique to mammals. Mammals are defined by caretaking, and the vagus nerve may have emerged in evolution to help, along with other activities, caretaking.
What we’ve been doing in our lab is to try to flesh that out, and what we’re finding is that if I feel connected to strangers the vagus nerve is firing. If the vagus nerve is highly correlated with activation in parts of your frontal lobe to help you empathize with others. When you get touched in really friendly ways, it’s that warmth in your chest that is the vagus nerve firing.
Then, there is this interesting group of people that I call vagal superstars. These are people who have in a resting state – their vagus nerve is firing a lot, right? Strong. And these people are people who experience a lot of joy and compassion. They have robust health. They have healthy marriages. They recover from the death of a spouse more quickly.
Kids who are vagal superstars, little eight-year-olds, nine-year-olds, there are the kids who we talked about this earlier, who bring people together, make strong connections, break up bullies from their humiliation.
So, we started to explore this really interesting possibility that one side to temperament are these vagal superstars.
With love,
Tallulah Sulis