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Week 9

Orgasmic Mastery — A Course for Men

Week 9: Receiving and Surrender

Separating Out the Roles of Giver and Receiver

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In most sex-play, there is some degree of give and take. Both partners are both giving pleasure and taking or receiving pleasure simultaneously. This can be an amazing thing, no doubt. However, there are other models to explore as well.

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Stepping into the Role of Giver

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Your sex life can be greatly enhanced by being conscious of who is the giver and who is the receiver. The giver’s responsibility is to focus entirely on the receiver’s experience. The giver’s pleasure is derived entirely from the act of giving pleasure. The giver can tap into the feeling state of the receiver and ask: What is s/he experiencing in this moment? How can I give more pleasure, new sensations? When the giver tunes into the most subtle of sensations, as the giver’s fingertips caress the receiver’s body, the giver is feeling into the sensation and tunes into the receiver’s body.

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Stepping into the Role of Receiver

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The other partner steps deep into the role of receiver. In this role, his/her role is simply to receive. To open. To Feel. To simply Be. Nothing to do. No one to please. This is a time to be selfish. To perform one’s role to the best of one’s ability IS to open up, let go, and receive as fully as possible. This is about your pleasure. Your experience. How deep can you go with it?

To be a truly spectacular lover, one has the ability to be in that place of flow, in which you are both giving and receiving simultaneously AND one has the ability to go deep into the role of giver with the fullness of one’s attention on one’s partner’s experience, and also, be able to go deeply into the role of receiver, allowing one’s self to fully FEEL all the pleasure you are capable of experiencing.

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Week 9 Homework:

This week we are going to focus on playing with separating out these roles.

If you have a sex partner

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Take turns.

Tell your partner that you want to make a date to play a special game.

Set the evening aside with nothing else on your agenda but each other. Be generous, be the giver first. Explain the roles to your partner. Let her know that during this play session, you are there for her pleasure only. Allow her to go into her experience of pleasure without any regard to yours. This may take some encouragement. If she reaches out and you can see she is directing her attention away from her own physical experience and towards you, take her hands and lovingly move them back to her sides, or back onto her own body. And whisper a gentle reminder, “This is a special time just for you. Embrace it. Soak it up! Focus on you pleasure!” And continue your touch.

Touch her whole body. Give her a full body massage. Be sure to touch every square inch of her body, head to toe. Waking up all of those nerve endings. How many different ways can you give her pleasure? Don’t dive straight for her pussy (yoni), or her tits for that matter. Her entire body is a source of pleasure. Treat it as such!

Give her the level of attention that you have been learning to give yourself over the past eight weeks — maybe even more so.

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Switch roles

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Be sure to have something that feels like closure of the previous roles into the opening of these new roles. It is your time to receive.

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Your Turn to Receive

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Let go. Allow yourself to simply feel, be, and receive.

Allow her to touch you and to explore your body. This isn’t a time to direct, or criticize, but rather to simply feel. Resist all urges to reach out and put your focus on your partner’s body. Tune into your own body like never before, and of course, practice your presence. When you notice yourself up in your head, just refocus and come back to what you are feeling in your body in this moment.

Release all goals. This play session isn’t about cumming. It’s about feeling. It’s about how much pleasure can you experience in your body. Can you let go of needing to do something and just stay present, let go, and receive?

While receiving, stay aware of your pelvic floor muscles. Notice when they are relaxed. Notice when they start to contract. Notice when they start pulsing. Just notice.

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Single?

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Get a massage — sensual or therapeutic. Practice receiving. Throughout the massage, remind yourself that your only responsibility is to receive and be present. Don’t trance out or go away. Allow yourself to fully feel every moment. Remain present with your breath and what you are experiencing. How much pleasure can you allow yourself to feel? Again, release all goals. How much pleasure can you take in at any given moment?

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