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"My Wife Is Frigid."

"My Wife Is Frigid."

“B” wrote to us recently:

“My wife has “fallen out of love” with me. She’s frigid. She has an extremely demanding job and she gets migraine headaches so badly she sometimes throws up.” She spends a lot of time with her work peers complaining and says I don’t understand. She also confessed to me once that work is a way for her to escape the pressure at home – the pressure of resolving our marriage issues.”

“Would you be about to shine some light on this?”

Dear “B,”

I’ve consulted with Dr. Patti on this and here is our recommendation. We feel for you. You are NOT alone. It’s not your fault. And it’s FIXABLE!

First of all, there’s a very high likelihood that you and your wife can resolve all of this and create an amazing, juicy, connected, intimate relationship with a little effort and commitment to working things through.

Secondly, “B,” you can and must do the bulk of the work to get things going the right direction and we can tell you what to do.

Third, your wife must go to the doctor and have her hormones checked to see if that’s what is causing her migraines and keeping her in a state of upset.

OK. Here’s the plan. This could take months, even years, but you married her and you love her and you must believe that deep down inside she wants to be intimate with you and she’s just waiting for you to rescue her from the emotional mire she’s found herself in.

You purchased the Seduction Trilogy. Now here’s how to apply it to a sexless marriage (the exact reason we had Dr. Patti create the Seduction Trilogy, by the way).

There are three books in the Trilogy. The first, Seduce Her Tonight teaches you the first two of Four Keys to Seduction: Small Offers and Erotic Vigilance.

The second book, the Seduction Accelerator, teaches you Key #3, Vulnerability and Key #4, Vision.

You are going to start with Vulnerability. And use the Feelings Inventory and Needs Inventory checklists in the Seduction Accelerator to tell your wife exactly what’s going on with YOU.

  • Are you sad that there’s no intimacy?
  • Do you miss being close to her?
  • Do you crave physical intimacy with her?
  • Do you wish she was happier and felt better?
  • Do you want to help her get rid of her migraines and crappy job?
  • Do you want her to rely on you as her husband to help her feel better and resolve her issues?
  • Do you want to make her feel physical pleasure and reconnect with her sensuality?
  • Do you dream of having a deeply loving, connected, sexy, satisfying marriage with her?

You must tell her. She needs to hear this. Tell her you want her to know how you feel and you are not telling her to make her feel badly. You just want her to know, clearly, what you desire.

Then help her schedule a doctor’s appointment and get to the cause of the migraines – hormones, allergies, stress, something else.

Next ask her how you can support her when she gets home from work in relaxing, kicking back and letting you take care of her for a while.

Really listen to what she needs and give her exactly what she asks for.

Then start running menus of Small Offers that you figure out using Erotic Vigilance. She what she says, “yes,” to. Keep making small offers every night, during the weekends, when ever you are together. Put your attention on her rejuvenation.

Slowly, over time, she will come to trust the integrity of your offers. She will experience your caring, your leadership, your Vision of the two of you getting together again in more and more intimate ways.

You’ll go from making her tea, ordering dinner, drawing her a bath to massaging her feet, her head, her neck to body massage to Expanded Orgasm stroking to lovemaking.

What you must be careful of is making an offer in the hopes it escalates to sex. Don’t do this! Get sex off your mind until she’s reconnected emotionally and very warmed to you and feeling better with her migraines.

Don’t offer a massage hoping for intercourse.

Just stay the course until the day she offers herself to you again.

Give yourselves six months at least and if it happens faster, all the better.

Go in this for the long haul. You are already married to her. You loved her when you got married. You still love her and desire her. Put in the emotional investment.

And when you make mistakes. Make offers that are too big. Lose track of the larger plan. FORGIVE YOURSELF and ask her to forgive you. You are a sexual man who craves affection, intimacy, sensual release. That’s a good thing, “B.” Don’t feel any shame in your desire.

Soon she will be so glad that you took her from negative arousal to neutral to positive, happy, sexy arousal and she’ll love you for doing the hard work to step up and live through her pain, anger, frustration to come out the other side a loving, connected couple.

We women want you to make love to us. To give us great orgasms. To feel your hands on our bodies, carressing us, loving us, adoring us.

Believe it.

And take the first step.

Talk to her, “B.”

And let us all know how it’s going, but posting your progress here below in the Comments section.

We are ALL rooting for you both!

Grab a copy of our FREE eBook below to learn more how to seduce and make her fall in love with you again.


  1. I feel for you “B”, really I do. Before marriage the sex was great, but as soon as the ring was on the finger she wanted sex twice a month and after the first year it was once every other month, and the last 15 years of the 25 year marriage she wanted none. I am no longer married, she had no desire to change and everyone she went to see and ‘agree’ with her no interest in sex told her she was wrong and when that happened she quit going to see them as ‘they’ always took my side and not hers… sorry about the poor english, it is my second language.

  2. I feel for you as well. I wouldn’t really call my wife “frigid”, but she’s definitely not as into being sensual as I am. She used to be before the kids, but now she’s just not as touchy-feely as she was. She rarely likes to cuddle, and sex is usually just something we “do” as opposed to something we really enjoy. There are times, but it’s really only when she’s in the mood, otherwise is more like just pity sex because she knows I want it. I’ve been away from her on a deployment for almost 3 months now, and still have a few months yet. I know that will help, and I’ve always been learning sooo much thanks to Sloane and the others here. I’m hoping I can start turning things around once I get back home…

  3. Migraine can be from stress, low magnesium or poor diet. Neck massage may help relieve some tension & of course do the feet. Keep expanding massages each week. She will start looking for the massages, may takes months, do not be negative yourself, keep trying.

    (do not use email or part of it either)

  4. Its wonderful to see in all your responses to men and women such a wonderful effort to save relationships. Any advice for a wife in the exact same position. I am deeply in love with my husband of 13 years and often feel negated by therapists and doctors because I crave much more sexual contact than my husband. Though things have improved substantially he still seems satisfied with sex every other week when my ideal would be almost every day. It often feels like if I were a man I would get alot more sympathy and suggestions. I am so frustrated.

    • Hi Helene,
      I had to start somewhere, so I started with men who want more sex with their woman. In growing our business, we’ve had to focus, because we are a small business. I wish and hope that someday I will have a Revive HIS Drive for you. That being said, I believe 90% of the product would work the other direction. Try it and start with the Relationship Values Workbook. If it doesn’t help you, we have a money back guarantee, so there’s no risk.

  5. “B”
    First and foremost, I must give you much credit for seeking a positive resolution for the situation you find yourself in with your wife. I am 71 years old and a widower of 5+ years. I unknowingly (at the time) ignored very similar circumstances with my late wife having been totally preoccupied with my business and career. I wish that I had known then what I know now thanks to Susan Bratton and the Personal Life Media team.

    Although I am not currently married I can tell you that the principles in Revive Her Drive are solid as a rock. I currently am in a long term relationship with a truly remarkable woman who had suffered extensively due to health issues (cancer survivor & fibromyalgia) as well as an abusive childhood and marriage. Many, many issues. Because I cared deeply, as do you, I have been able to steadily progress things on a positive path.

    Absolutely pivotal are the concepts of small offers and also the relationship values. Understand your wife’s viewpoint so that your efforts apply to your situation. And, finally, plant your feet solidly on the ground and be UNSHAKEABLE in your belief in yourself. This is essential. Remember you are becoming your wife’s knight in shinning armor, her champion. Do this humbly not looking for immediate rewards or accolades. Much of this can and probably should be done, as Susan has written, in stealth mode. JUST DO IT. Gradually at first but with increasing speed things will start to turn around.

    I wish you well, B. Take strength in the fact that there are many who have read your message and are with you in our thoughts 100%.

  6. Sloane-
    My comments will be short. He should follow Dr Patti’s plan. SHE is a genius. Go slowly but do not ever stop.
    I have been married 3 times. With my first wife we were virgins and didn’t know what the hell we were doing. We did not give up, we had 5 children.
    Never had any wives who were rigid, but take Patti’s plan and do it.

    I am 88 now and marrying a 4th time in September. I read seriously ALL of PLM courses.
    I found out how little I know.
    Do it!
    Matt Donnelly

  7. B i feel for you but follow these ladies and you will learn alot about pleasing your wife and getting her active sexually again just do it man this stuff works

  8. The fact that, she has alienated you from her circle of “preferred people to hang out with”, then lays blame at your door step that “you just don’t understand”, says one thing to me. She is not frigid with whomever she finds more “interesting” to be with. I think she is being unfaithful, if not sexually, definitely emotionally. When people cheat on their spouses, they tend not to be forthcoming. They will lie, hide their relationship(s) from their spouse, and blame the spouse for everything wrong in their life. Let it not come as a surprise if she serves you with divorce papers. Given you are innocent of any wrong doing, if it were me, she couldn’t leave fast enough; freeing me to be with someone who will love and appreciate me for who I am, and what I bring to the table in that new relationship.

  9. I have read all of the memos above and unfortunately I side with Jeff…..Dr. Patti….I think ur solution is way over simplified and would be correct if this had started differently but unfortunately due to experience I believe Jeff is right…she has already left the relationship in her mind and may be moving that way physically somewhere….I had a wife that said I did not listen to her and found someone that did…funny she dropped him two months later too….guess he didn’t listen …too long….No all kidding aside the problem was with her…if she can use an excuse to justify her actions she will….don’t know if this women is exactly the same but I have found many women the same….u see I really am a good listener and sometimes good friend so have had a few confessions from women in similar circumstances…..u need to look within the women to make sure she is sincere before using Dr. Patti solution otherwise it would never work….coddling and being nice sometimes just makes u a heal…..I was told by the Bridesmaid about 5 yrs later that if she had to do it over again she would do different but she never did tell me….oh by the way I did forgive her and continued as if nothing happened and sometime later about 6-7 yrs during a discussion she said to me well you didn’t even get mad at me….and I was mad a myself all the time….so I guess there was some consolation…..u see in my mind if u forgive someone u don’t belabour the situation…but guess in her mind I was wrong….anyways she has gone through about 5 different men in that last 15 yrs…so beware,,,,make sure u are sure it is not her trying to escape via I have a migraine route and then oops u did not love me enough or etc etc…..No it is not that I am bitter in fact I thank the Good Lord she let me out of contract early and thank her for some lovely kids….oh I was also a single father since my oldest was 9….anyways wish u lots of luck…be sure before u do whatever ur going to do but keep a open mind

  10. I’ve felt sad of my sexual life ! because its not satisfying me !
    Its been once for a month or not ,
    But before we had it regularly !

  11. Mr B, i share your feelings because ido experience a draw back from my wife if she is stressed out with office work.I do my best to help her out on domestic work even though we have two of our children around who are student and a worker but are also busy. It is when she desires she makes herself available otherwise i keep my self occupied with other things of life.

  12. One massive problem I find with the PLM approach is the conviction that the lower desire partner is a mere victim of their hormones and therefore bear zero responsibility for the couple’s shitty sex life. OTOH, Dr. Laura asserts that marriage requires that we do things we don’t FEEL like doing (like going to work every day) out of loving obligation. Cleaning up our kid’s poop, snot and vomit isn’t just dutiful; it’s part of how we demonstrate (to ourselves) that we love them. Why should our spouses be treated more poorly than our children? Because we love them less? There is a lot (and I mean wholesale amounts) of Princess-level narcissism going on about this issue and PLM is contributing to it, not making it better. If you’re either “giving” or settling for mercy fucks, you’re not loving your spouse.

  13. “B”
    My Wife Is Frigid
    I just realized what cos that.
    if men got well trained on what attract woman, how to seduce wife to bed or how to turn her on, and have skills to satisfying her sex need, then the number of frigid wife going to be a lot less.
    steering a marriage is so much harder than driving a car, every man have to pass those train to get into marriage.

    • Hi Tom,
      Would you consider replacing the word, “frigid,” with “sexually repressed?” She’s not frigid. She has had things happen to her that caused her sexuality to be shut down.
      You keep holding and loving and stroking her and try to calm her nervous system and help her feel your touch. Use the four kinds of touch on her over time.
      Never give up on her.

      • I thought IWas the only one in this boat! I’ve been married 40 years this month, the first year of our marriage she instituted most of our sex. Then the kids started coming 4 in all. Then sex just started becoming less important, then she had a historectomy and she’s just not interested. I’ve tried to introduce her to the personal live media group but she just doesn’t want to hear about it. It has even come down to the point of talking about devorce.. I’m 62. And Ifigure I have at least 20 more years and I don’t want to spend it alone! But I might. Keep trying I think Suesan and her friends have the right frame of mind.

  14. I have an online relationship that I have never met in person. She is under contract with a dating site that does not allow any outside help unless it is a financial contribution to the contract. Now I don’t have a problem with that because I know these sites are not free. However, When it comes time to see her in person she refuses and says my contract has to paid first so I tell her then why is that other male friends or associates can indulge your personal time before your contract is paid and I cant? Silence, I told her I guess I have your answer. You are not interested unless there is money involved and I am not interested unless there is communication involved. She immediately responds I am sick and dying that’s why I have been ignoring you. I am not a blind man, from a common-sense point of view, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT PICTURE? Everyone knows that answer.

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