Recommended dosages.
Rahul asked me, “What is your opinion on porn?” I thought I’d share my advice with you, both bitter and sweet.
Hear me out all the way through this story.
Let me get out my viewpoint first so you know exactly where I stand.
It’s my opinion that porn preys on us. It’s a multi-billion dollar industry, just another form of media, meant to consume our attention to generate revenue. You have to know going in that you are a pawn in the game.
#MAKELOVENOTPORN
Secondly, porn scenes are fake productions focused on giving us homo sapiens an addictive viewing experience. 96% of porn has been shown in a study reported in Time Magazine to be degrading to women.
What you see in porn is not the kind of sex women generally crave. Yet our society is so infused with pornography that some women, and many men believe porn is how sex is supposed to be.
Porn portrays emotionally disconnected sex, reduced to friction and body parts. Passionate lovemaking, which I stand for, is about connecting at a heart and sensual level. You are more likely to find this type of connection if porn imagery hasn’t seeded your mind. All the sexiness of your natural essence gets obliterated by pornographic scenes. Your true sensual joy gets overwritten, lost and buried when you consume pornography.
Porn, just like airbrushed Madison Avenue advertising images makes us feel badly about how we look. Women feel less valuable if they are not projecting an overtly sexy demeanor. Men feel emasculated by all the giant porn star penises. More and more men today feel less valuable even with average-sized penises.
Porn ruins your ability to fantasize in ways that are true to your nature. When you watch porn, you are filling your brain with images some one else thought up for you. You’ve ceded your essential desires to someone who wants to control you.
When you rely on your own fantasies, you’ll find that they are more person-focused than scene-focused. Instead of masturbating to types of sexual acts, you begin to connect through fantasy with a person who turns you on and how you’d like to move your body with theirs.
Fantasy can connect you to thoughts of a lover. This brings you closer to human contact. One of the most powerful attributes of great sex is the deeply connected human contact two lovers provide for each other. The more you design your own fantasies, the more you are open to deeper connection to a lover.
The more space you leave for developing your own fantasies, the more overall creative energy you fuel in every category of your life. Turn on is life force. Arousal is creative energy. Watching porn robs you of your own thoughts and energy. Porn degrades your energy, your focus, your motivation, your heart connection, and your ability to relate in a fresh and honest way to a lover.
That being said, I reserve everyone’s right to consume porn as long as they understand the above contraindications to it’s consumption.
And porn can be used in a couple of very good ways, which I’ll outline below. But first, the reason why I wrote this opinion piece was to answer the onslaught of questions I am getting lately about effects of pornography on my fans. Guys are beginning to see that porn can hurt them. And they seek my advice.
PORN FEARS
Many men write to me each week asking questions that I know stem from their overuse of, reliance on, and in many cases addiction to porn. More women than ever are also watching porn and this is impacting relationship dynamics too:
“My girlfriend is unhappy with the size of my penis. She wants me to have a big porn penis. How do I get one?” (Penis pumping, GAINSWave treatments with P Shots.)
“I got ED from watching porn.” (He watched more and more hardcore porn and how he can’t get hard for a real life woman. Solution: Quitting porn completely so he heals.)
“I masturbate to porn and I’m getting married. I am worried I will not be able to last during sex. What can I do?” (Excessively masturbating quickly to porn has made him a fast ejaculator. Learning how to turn up and down your urge to ejaculate using our ME Breath technique will give you the stamina you need to please your bride.)
“My boyfriend treats me like a porn star. I hate that he’s always trying to get me to do anal sex. Why can’t he just make love to me?” (Spend your energy learning passionate lovemaking techniques like these three free powerhouse techniques in How To Be Instantly Hotter and Sexier instead of porn. Learn how to truly make love.)
“My husband doesn’t have sex with me anymore, but I know he has a daily porn habit. What can I do to get him to make love to ME!?!” (Ask him to go on a no-porn diet and start romancing each other again. Find out why he’s not attracted to you, if that’s the case. Men are sensitive creatures too. Have him be totally honest with you and then decide what you two can do together to fall back in lust.)
LEVERAGING NEUROPLASTICITY
Now here are a few ways you can use porn to help your sex life.
Use porn to build stamina. When you’re watching porn, use it to get hard without ejaculating. Think of a scale from 1-10. One is not aroused. Ten is ejaculating.
Now do what is called, “Riding The Wave” by my friend and Tantric-trained prostate massage expert and YouTuber, Dr. Rylie Avant.
Riding The Wave is when you take yourself from a 1 to a 5. Then take yourself up to a 9 but do not hit a 10 — don’t ejaculate. Drop your arousal back down to a 5, then back up to a 9. Do this as many times as you can. Practice makes perfect.
As you begin to know when your point of no return or “PONR” is, you’ll be able to stop yourself from ejaculating more and more easily by getting close to but not going over the PONR.
As you begin to master this skill of erectile choice, you can add in the viewing and listening to porn. This will make it harder again to back off from the PONR, but it will make you even better at managing your arousal. This practice leads to increased stamina and staying power.
Riding The Wave also makes your prostate gland contract repeatedly. This is a very good masturbatory practice because as your gland is squeezed but doesn’t ejaculate, the prostatic sludge that builds up at the bottom of the gland gets moved around so you can get it moving out of you over time.
Dr. Riley tells me the reason men end up with prostate issues as they get older is often due to masturbating incorrectly. Riding The Wave cleans out not just your pipes but your prostate. And you can do this while watching porn.
Here’s another way to use porn for your own good. Let’s say you’re watching 18 year old girls on porn but you’re 55 and married.
Instead, try finding some porn that looks more like your wife. You can retrain your brain using neuro-plasticity to begin to be more attracted to women your wife’s age and women who look similar to your wife. That way when you see your wife, you won’t be comparing her to the 18-year olds to which you are masturbating on porn.
Porn has its place. If it’s not keeping you from going out to meet real women, if it’s not robbing you of your motivation, if it’s not causing you to have delayed ejaculation or premature ejaculation — if you use it as a treat to motivate yourself, then treat it like all things that need to be consumed in moderation.
Do everything in your power to learn lovemaking skills that are heart-connected. Don’t fritter your life away a pawn in someone else’s agenda. And leverage porn to help you Ride The Wave to your health while increasing your stamina. That way when you do have the divine experience of making love, it’s a beautiful, life affirming experience for you both.
#makelovenotporn
One Response
I appreciate your sincerity and straightforwardness in this topic of porn. You couldn’t be more perfect on the bullseye. It’s almost like if you read not only my mind but I’m sure many men like me. You hit it straight especially when you said that porn is not like passionate love in the romantic style. I could go on, but for now thank you and stay true in the way you are.