Learn how to get back your sex drive after a hysterectomy.
“I don’t give myself enough time for engorgement because I feel bad, I guess because it takes me so long. I always use lube for sex and estrogen cream daily because the doctor said I had vaginal atrophy after the hysterectomy. “
I’ve received several emails from women struggling with the same issue.
And that is, fighting to bring back their libido and breathe intimacy into their relationships.
Whether or not you’ve had a hysterectomy or hormonal whirlwinds…
Don’t feel like you’re alone.
Consider the story of Vanessa (not her real name), who asked me for advice on the topic, but felt like nobody, not even her doctors, was listening to her.
Please scroll down for her email and my response. If you want to check out the options I gave her, here they are:
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BRING BACK THE DRIVE
“Hi, Susan,
This is a question I’ve wanted to ask since I was 52, and I’ll be 69 next month.
I’ve been on estrogen patches for years (since I was 47) now, but that doesn’t work. You just gave me some hope. At least, I think it’s possible to bring the drive back somehow, even after a hysterectomy.
The problem being none of my doctors will address it! They say, get over yourself, lady. It is what it is, period!
I went into early menopause starting around age 37. My husband and I married when I was 42, and we had a wonderful sex life until I began finishing periods a 47.
I stayed on estrogen until I had to have a hysterectomy at 52 due to taking estrogen without progesterone because I had a terrible reaction to it. I became depressed and cried over nothing.
I knew and was fully informed by my doctor that I’d have to have the hysterectomy eventually. I took the choice because I have MS and my hot flashes were so severe I’d physically collapse from them. MS and heat don’t go together.
After the hysterectomy, I just lost my desire. And my ability to orgasm was never the same.
It seemed like it took so long to have one, and there was a lot of lost sensation. I don’t have pain with sex, but I used to love it, and now I feel like I’m taking up the whole time for just me.
That’s just not fair.
I talked to several doctors about it, but they just ignored me. A kind of dismissing of the problem. It’s mine, not their type of attitude.
I don’t give myself enough time for engorgement because I feel bad, I guess because it takes me so long. I always use lube for sex and estrogen cream daily because the doctor said I had vaginal atrophy after the hysterectomy.
I don’t know about vibrators because I only have one (I believe it’s called the rabbit), and it’s too soft for me. And I hate to admit this, but I felt silly, shy, and embarrassed. I guess this is the best way to phrase it.
But I’m now watching your YouTube videos with the two girls who sell toys, and I see many firmer ones out there that may help me. Guess I’d better get over myself and get something done somehow. I was surprised and kind of shocked myself over how shy I was about the vibrator. Weird but true.
I have a wonderful husband, and we’re celebrating our 27th anniversary in September in Jamaica! I’m so excited but so unhappy about the rest of this. Thanks again” — Vanessa (not her real name)
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Hi Vanessa,
It takes a long time for women to become engorged. This is how we ALL are! You are needlessly putting pressure on yourself.
Let your husband pleasure you for thirty minutes before intercourse.
First, have him give you a Yoni Massage and then go down on you with oral pleasure.
The Yoni Massage course from Beducated is currently on sale.
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If you’ve never indulged in the sacred art of erotic massage, you could be forgiven for underestimating the power it can have on your relationship.
Erotic massage connects lovers to the mind, body, and soul. It can help you let go of emotional baggage, become fully present with your partner, and genuinely appreciate every loving touch on each other’s bodies.
Once you learn how to give and receive this ecstatic pleasure, it can boost intimacy, revive fading sex drives, and have you excited to jump underneath the sheets together.
In short, it can revolutionize your sex life.
That, in addition to a good vibrator and pulsator, will reverse your atrophy and engorge your vulva.
Then, with plenty of organic coconut oil or avocado oil during intercourse, you should be able to climax more quickly.
The oils I recommend are in my Amazon store under “Safe Lubrication.” The nut oils will also help rebuild your vulvar tissues post-hysterectomy.
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I recommend you get two kinds of healthy sex toys: a pulsator (thruster) and a vibrator.
The StronicG from Fun Factory is a thruster. The thrusting is excellent for reversing vaginal atrophy, increasing lubrication and engorgement, and the vibration is perfect for your internal clitoral structure. Since it’s a G-spot tool, you can also begin to awaken your G-area with the tip. You can use this internally a few times a week for self-pleasuring.
In a survey of 40 women using these pulsator-style vibrators, daily stimulation for 15-minutes for one month reported that “95% of the participants described “an increase in the sensitivity of their vagina; 70% got in the mood more easily, and many had more intense climaxes. 86% felt sex with their partner was more relaxed and pleasurable.”
Then get the Lady Bi from Fun Factory, an adorable clitoral vibrator you can also use to stimulate yourself internally. Or get the new AMO from Hot Octopuss. The Lady Bi feels lovely on the clitoral structure. It’s hefty and solid and will last for years. The AMO is small and lightweight but still has a beautiful vibration — not quite as reliable but great for travel. You can use your hand to pleasure your clitoris during intercourse with the AMO a bit more easily.
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SEX DRIVE AFTER HYSTERECTOMY
Treat yourself to both and throw that crappy Chinese toxic jelly toy in the trash immediately. It’s made with plasticizers and phthalates — both of which are hormone disruptors.
I just did a 30-Day Self Pleasuring Challenge myself. I suggest this to you. Suppose you skip a day here and there, no worries. But it will vastly increase your satisfaction and ability to not only orgasm more quickly but more often.
I like to self-pleasure alone, not in front of Tim. I do it in the morning when he’s making us coffee. It’s an excellent start to the day, and he’s so supportive! We have more sex now that I’m masturbating more frequently!
Don’t worry about being shy. It’s prevalent. You’ll get more confident and comfortable. And your husband sounds like he’s also very supportive of your pleasure and joy.
This is a gift you give not only to yourself but to him —this blossoming of your sexual self.
Let me know what you decide to get and how it goes.
If I had to get ONE toy, I’d get Lady Bi. But you don’t have to get one. You can get two! Think about all the shoes you own for different reasons. Think of this as flip-flops and high heels. It would help if you had both.
We are sending you lots of blood flow, wetness, and orgasms.
Here are all the links I mentioned above:
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