Has your life been like Taber’s? (“I realized the lowest common denominator was me.”)
“I can tell you that in my own family, people didn’t talk about feelings.
The couple that gave birth to me did not talk about difficult feelings.
Then later I had a step-dad who was kind of a rage-aholic and went to the other extreme.
He would bottle his feelings up and then explode.
Even as a youngster I thought, “Okay, something’s wrong with this picture,” and then I went into creating relationships of my own thinking, “Okay, now it will be different because I can have the kind of relationship that I want, the way that I have always envisioned it.”
And yet, I started experiencing some of the same problems and issues in my own relationships that I had suffered as a kid.
I at first had a couple of relationships where it was like we were not really talking.
We ended up sitting side by side on the couch watching TV at night and it was kind of like the lights are on but nobody’s home. It’s not going very deep.
And then I had a few passionate relationships but they were kind of scary/passionate. It was like, “Whoa, we’re a high drama kind of a situation,” and that wasn’t right either.
At some point I understood that finding the right person wasn’t the issue because I had been through a number of different relationships and similar problems were showing up in each situation, so it must not be something wrong with them.
I realized that in all of these different relationships, the lowest common denominator was me.
So there must be something that was doing that was creating the results that I didn’t want and presumably something I might do that would create the results I knew I really did want. And that’s a much more empowering perspective.
Most of the couples that come in to do therapy with me, some version of the beginning of their conversation will be, “Well here’s what’s wrong with him,” and then he’ll be like, “Well but here’s what’s wrong with her.”
And they’ll both be like, “Well could you fix them please?”
And that never gets you anyplace good.
The place that gets you good is, “There must be something I am doing that’s not getting me what I really, really want.
It may not be conscious.
I may not know what it is yet.
But you’ve got to have that faith that there’s something that you’re not doing that you could be doing that would make your life and your
relationship better, and I’m here to tell you there is.” — Taber Shadburne, Relationship Counselor
Note: Taber is featured on module #7 of the Revive Her Drive Mastery Coaching series. His topic is, “Soulful Communication Is The Path To Perpetual Passion“‘
If you struggle to identify your feelings, try the Seduction Accelerator eBook within the Seduction Trilogy.
Once you can determine how you feel, you can begin to express it. This vulnerability will bring you closer to your lover, your friends and your family.
Try it today.
Supporting Your Continued Evolution.
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