Orgasmic Mastery — A Course for Men
Week 4: Presence
- An Introduction to Presence
- Breath and Presence
- Hourly Check-Ins for Presence
- This Week’s Erotic Self-Explorations
- Kegels
What does it mean to be present? It means being fully here, right now, in this moment.
We modern humans have such a tendency to live in our heads, thinking about the past or planning for some theorized future that is unlikely to unfold the way we imagine. Being present is elusive for many people. If you do not cultivate the ability to be present in other areas of life, you will not have that ability in your sex life.
Have you ever had sex, and the entire time, been stuck in your head? Perhaps you were thinking about work, the events of the day, or your to do list. Or maybe you were worrying about “What if I don’t do this right, what if I cum too quickly, what if she doesn’t like me, what if I’m too small, what if…what if…what if?” All of these things actually take you out of being there with the person, right here, right now.
The truth of the matter is that your partner wants you there with her. That connection matters to her more than you pressing the right spot at the right time. Your partner most craves the kind of intimacy that you are only capable of if you cultivate the ability to be fully present. Give your woman the gift of your presence; it’s the most powerful gift you can give.
So how do you do that, when you’ve been stuck in your head for so long?
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Your breath is your most powerful tool to practice and experience presence. It is with you all the time. We touched on this a bit last week. Really tune in and notice each inhalation and each exhalation. When you are in full awareness of your breath, then you are here, now, present in this moment.
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This week is all about bringing the fullness of your attention to being present.
Repeat this question in your mind throughout the day: “Am I present right now?”
Set an alarm on your watch or phone to go off every hour on the hour (during your waking hours), just for this week.
Take the sound of the alarm as a check-in reminder. Stop what you are doing and tune into your body. Take a deep breath. Notice your inhale, notice your exhale. Tune into your senses. What do you see around you? What do you hear? Feel? Smell? Taste? When you are fully tuned into your senses, you are not up in your head. Take one minute, every hour on the hour, to actively practice being present.
Week 4 Homework:
This Week’s Erotic Self-Explorations
Please login or register for Orgasmic Mastery to view this content.You guessed it, your Erotic Self Exploration this week puts a particular focus on being present, in your body, and in your senses throughout the exploration. No porn. No fantasy. Just you, your body, and your ability to be here, in this moment, fully.
Put on some music that you find sensual or sexy. Get some incense or aromatherapy candles or something that puts a pleasant smell in the air. These will act as tools for your practice of presence.
Throughout the entire session, your primary focus is on returning to that presence. This may come easily for you. Or it may take quite a bit of effort. It’s worth it.
Keep checking in with yourself: Am I in this moment? Or am I in my head? Every time that you notice yourself back in your head, simply refocus your attention back to your breath, to each inhale, to each exhale. Bring your awareness to the music and any other sounds that you hear. Refocus on the smells in the air. Come back to what you are feeling.
Then when you find yourself up in your head again, refocus and come back again. And refocus. And refocus.
If you notice yourself up in your head 50 times during this exploration, Great! You’ve noticed! That awareness is the key to change! Again, simply refocus back to this moment. I promise you that if you keep doing this, it’ll come easier and easier, and over time, you’ll find that you are more present without even having to try. This is the power of practice.
Partner Exercise:
Bring that same level of presence into your sex play with your partner this week. Tune into your partner like never before. Release all goals. Explore from THIS present moment. Always come out of your head and into your body. Practice just how present you can be with your partner. Your presence is the greatest gift you can give.
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Let’s move up to 100 rapid squeeze/releases. And continue with 20 slow squeezes, slow releases. Remember to be controlled on the release!