Orgasmic Mastery — A Course for Men
Week 2: Establishing a Practice of Erotic Self-Exploration (ESE)
- Masturbation Habit vs. Erotic Self-Exploration
- Waking Up the Whole Body
- The Arousal Staircase
- Pleasure as Meditation
- Erotic Self-Exploration
- More PC Muscle Exercises
Masturbation Habit vs. Erotic Self-Exploration
Please login or register for Orgasmic Mastery to view this content.Most guys start masturbating in their adolescence, pre-adolescence, or even sometime during childhood. Usually, they start in their parents’ home, and they build up a habit of sneaking around and masturbating quietly and quickly. The goal is to cum, and to do so as quickly as possible before getting caught. Over the years this habit continues, even after moving away from the parents’ home.
This causes a bit of a problem. When you become sexual with a partner, you may find yourself repeating those same habits, and coming more quickly than you’d like to. If your masturbation habits have been anything like what is described above, you have literally been training your body to cum quickly. And you probably don’t want to keep doing it.
A masturbation habit is quite different from a more conscious approach that I like to call erotic self-exploration. A masturbation habit can be simply defined as: “I do it this way because I’ve always done it this way.” In contrast, erotic self-exploration is intentional and helps you to discover and understand your sexuality. It’s a deeply erotic practice of self-love and self-adoration, not just about getting off.
Starting this week, we are going to intentionally build a practice of erotic self-exploration. One doesn’t learn to become multi-orgasmic by repeating old habits – otherwise you would already be multi-orgasmic! During an erotic self-exploration, you set aside a set period of time – perhaps 30 minutes to two hours. It may be helpful to set an alarm or timer. Sometimes when we are trying to explore something new or edgy for us that’s pushing our boundaries, the mind can interfere and come up with a million reasons why we have something better to do…why we should stop or can stop now. Setting the timer indicates your commitment to continuing the exploration until the timer goes off. If you set the alarm for a half hour and then cum five minutes into it, you still have 25 minutes to explore you body. That’s 25 more minutes to explore, touch, and pleasure yourself.
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When most guys think about pleasuring themselves, their hand goes straight to their cock and it’s just an up-down piston type motion until they cum. There is so much more than this! If you want to experience and explore full-body orgasms, you need to engage and wake up your full body from head to toe. You want to stimulate all of your nerve endings throughout your whole body when you have an orgasm, to light up your neurology and explode with pleasure. If you want to have a massive full body orgasm, you need to touch and explore your body from head to toe from the start of your erotic self-exploration.
One way to wake up your body is self-massage. Start by massaging your feet, and work your way up to your ankles, calves, shins, knees, thighs, butt, and pelvis (don’t stay there too long just yet!). Move up to your torso, stomach, back, upper back, chest, shoulders, upper arms, biceps, triceps, forearms, and hands – all the way to your fingertips. Come back to your neck and head, scratch at your scalp, pull your hair, massage your face. Engage your entire body. Make sure that every nerve ending of your being is touched and woken up. Then, start to explore your genitals. As you bring in genital touch, don’t ignore the rest of your body. You have two hands – allow one hand to touch your cock, touch your balls; and allow the other hand to explore the rest of your body. Maybe your other hand explores your chest, your nipples, your thighs… just move your hands around while you continue to touch and explore. This also teaches your brain and your nervous system to link your genitals with the nerve endings in the rest of your body. When you orgasm, this linkage will help you feel it everywhere. One way to enhance the experience is to have a good workout before your erotic self-exploration. Do some yoga or a bunch of push ups. Or go for a run, do some jumping jacks, and so forth. Do anything that will get your heart pumping and your blood really flowing throughout your entire body.
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Think of arousal as a staircase. At the start of your erotic exploration you begin at ground floor with 10 steps in front of you. At step 10, you cum! Get an idea of where you are on that staircase at all times.
For example, as you start to get aroused you might feel like you’re moving steadily up …1…2…3…and then you hanging out at 4 or 5 for quite a while…and then you feel yourself building steadily again…6…7…8. Or maybe you feel yourself hanging out in relatively low arousal levels; this is often the case for people who tend to come very quickly. Their arousal levels may be around 2 or 3 for a while, and then they ascend very quickly to a 10. Moving so quickly from the lower levels to the highest levels means you don’t get time to enjoy the in-between stages.
The more you get in touch with your body, the clearer you will be as to where you are on the staircase. Set your intention to hang out at the higher levels of the staircase for as long as possible. The more you do this, the more in touch you will be with your level of arousal and your erotic energy. When it comes to moving erotic energy through your body, knowing where you are on the staircase is key.
Note: *Level 8 is defined as “getting close to the point of no return.” Your ‘point of no-return’ is when you say, “That’s it, I’m about to cum; I can’t do anything about it at this point – it is happening”. So we will define level 8 as approaching the point of no-return, not quite there but you feel you are going there soon. It’s also the place where you still have the ability to back off, if you so choose.
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Masturbation need not solely be a sleeping aid, nor does it solely have to be about ‘getting off’. Can you create a practice, where masturbation is meditation? Can you be that present, fully aware of your body? Can you still and quiet your mind? Can you let go of where you are going or what you’ve got to do? Can you let go of the goal of orgasm, and simply experience the pleasure of now – of this moment? Allow yourself to be fully present to the slightest sensations. How enjoyable can you make this moment?
Week 2 Homework:
Please login or register for Orgasmic Mastery to view this content.Make a date with yourself. Mark it on your calendar, and set aside at least 20-30 minutes where you don’t have other distractions. Turn off all cell phones and unplug all landlines. Make sure that you have privacy and you will not be interrupted. Set an alarm and know that no matter what happens, you continue your exploration until that timer goes off, even if you come quickly or get bored. Stick with it and commit to yourself.
It’s important to follow through on your commitments. Don’t be too ambitious; don’t set yourself up to not follow through. If this feels like way too much for you, for example, if your usual habit is less than 5 minutes, than you may want to start with 10 minutes. Just be sure to give yourself a bit of a stretch with this exercise. Lean into your edge.
Schedule this time in a manner that is like making luxuriant love with yourself. Instead of having a fast-food masturbation, this is going to be a gourmet meal. During the date, treat yourself the way you would a lover. Make the environment pleasing… Set up lighting, music, incense, whatever pleases you and helps get you in the mood.
Don’t start straight with your cock… Put the focus on other parts of your body. Touch yourself everywhere. Give yourself a massage. Make sure every nerve ending gets woken up. Get your whole body engaged. Take the time to approach your body with consciousness, letting go of the “goal” of getting off. Come into the present moment… How does this feel right now? How much pleasure can you take in from this touch?
Be aware of your arousal staircase – and be conscious when you get to your level 8*. Notice it, see if you can hang out there at this level. If it starts to get more intense try to back off a bit. Notice again where you are on your staircase as you back off – maybe hang back to a 5, whether that means slowing down or pausing and stopping motion altogether where you are taking your hands off of your genitals. Just pause when you feel your arousal level come down a bit, and restart again. Bring yourself back up towards an 8, then back off again and on your third time you can choose to come to full ejaculatory orgasm if you so desire.
Even if you come 20 minutes in, and you still have 10 minutes left on your date, continue to self-explore. If you came and your partner still wanted attention, you would give it. Treat yourself the same, give yourself a light touch.
As soon as possible, and certainly within 24 hours, write about your experience. How was it? What came up? What went on in your mind? How were things the same as usual, and how were they different?
The other part of your practice this coming week is just to continue practicing with the PC muscle exercises. Continue with the rapid squeezes and increase repetitions to 50 squeezes, then do 10 slow squeeze – hold – release repetitions.