The Four Pillars of Male Sexual Performance
This is an excerpt from the “Sexual Sticking Points” module in Revive Her Drive with David Van Arrick of Secret Orgasm Tips Deluxe and ForeverMan.
Susan Bratton: To start, let’s get through the most common sexual sticking points for men.
David Van Arrick: By and large, most of what goes on with men is either performance or physiological issues. If I had to pick the top two questions—and I get hundreds of questions every week from guys all over the world—they’re “Does penis size really matter?” and “How do I last longer during sex?” You have to start thinking about, “Well, what is normal? On which side of that do I fall?” They’re worried about the size of their equipment; they’re too big, too small, or something like that. Performance issues mostly come down to premature ejaculation or just lasting longer during sex, but they can also fall into erectile dysfunction or PE. It can also be an inability to achieve orgasm. Most guys don’t realize this, but there are a lot of men out there who have difficulty climaxing. They just stay hard and frustrated for hours because they can’t bring themselves to climax.
In addition to these two concerns, many men are also dealing with frustration because they’re perpetually not in sync with their woman. They can’t seem to get her as interested in making love as they are, even as they get into long-term relationships. Those are the big issues that I see now.
Might You (and she) Benefit From: “Penis Advantage?”
Men and Penis Size
Susan Bratton: Those are sad, sad things to hear. I never even thought about orgasm problems, although I know it’s a common issue for women. Destin Gerek discusses that whole world of ejaculation and performance, what he calls ejaculatory choice rather than control or mastery and how men can use relaxation to help them achieve a climax. What I’d like to talk about is penis size. What do you know about that? What can you tell a man that will help him?
David Van Arrick: First of all, one of the things that most guys don’t realize is that the size you are now is not the size you’re going to be forever. A man’s penis, like his nose, continues to grow as he gets older.
The other thing most guys don’t realize is that they don’t like to be average, but the average penis size is 5.5 to 6.2 inches, and that’s the average depth of the female vagina. So does penis size really matter? They always ask that. The answer is quite obviously yes, but not in the way you think it does.
Penis size matters if you as a man think it matters, or if your woman thinks it matters. It’s an arousal issue. It’s not about whether the tool can do the job.
If you’re feeling insecure about the size of your appendage, that’s going to affect your performance. It’s going to affect the way you carry yourself. It’s going to affect the overall quality of your sexuality, because it affects your level of stress and anxiety. If a woman thinks she needs a large penis in order to be satisfied, that’s going to impact her expectations, as well. But if you’re okay with the size of your equipment, trust me, you’re going to perform magnificently. That’s the biggest thing to understand. If you’re not happy with it, there are ways to fix it, but what most men have is more than enough to get the job done.
How to Increase Penis Size
Susan Bratton: Can you make your penis larger?
David Van Arrick: Well, there are exercises that will enhance the size of your penis, for one thing. There are also herbal medicines. What many people don’t realize about Chinese medicine is that one of the biggest fields of study for 5,000 years in China, especially in medicine, was sexual enhancement and performance. There are herbal medicines that have not been released in this country—but you can find the formulas if you look hard enough—that will cause neutered rats to regain sexual function. They’re that strong. I don’t recommend anybody just go buy an off-the-shelf herbal remedy without regard to what it is, though. If you’re going to follow these prescriptions, you should have an actual trained herbalist put something together for you.
Herbal formulas will help to enhance you, and they’ll increase testicular weight and semen volume. That’s another big problem guys have as they get older: they produce less and less semen. As you mentioned, other gentlemen have talked about ejaculation as a choice. One of the things that that particular study stems from is Taoist sexual practices, where they do what they call “semen retention,” which it separating ejaculation from orgasm, and taking those fluids and recirculating them through the body to revitalize the body. If you have the semen volume to energize your body, it will increase your overall vitality.
Susan Bratton: What are the exercises you teach for increasing penis size?
David Van Arrick: There’s one set of exercises specifically for stamina issues. You’re most familiar with Kegel exercises, which are a series of drills that teach you how to strengthen your PC muscle, and you’ve talked about these in your squirting videos. I call this same thing Cresting for men. It’s the same muscles; it’s just that they control the ejaculatory strength and overall penis tone in men. By working on those muscles, you’ll get harder, firmer, fuller erections.
Another thing men can do is jelquing, which is an exercise where you take a towel and gently pull on the penis over time. That will help to increase the length of your appendage. There’s also a massage technique I teach which will enhance the size of your penis. Most men don’t get full erections, but if you massage your perineum (which is right between your genitals and your anus) as you’re getting an erection, it will cause your penis to get harder and larger.
It was interesting when I first came across that exercise. I thought “Really,” and I started—pardon my French—I started playing with it, and lo and behold, bigger, stronger erections. It’s just a massage technique. Most of the problems we have with erections go back to our prostate and prosthetic atrophy. Our prostate is located right in our perineum, so if we just massage it on a regular basis, it dramatically improves erectile strength and ejaculatory reflex, and overall it will give us better, stronger, more powerful sexual function.
Susan Bratton: You’ll have to do your own Kegels, but maybe you can get your wife or girlfriend to help you with your massage or your jelquing. “Honey, I’ve got this very technical thing I need you to do for me now. It’s called jelquing.” <grin> That’s awesome. I’ve never even heard about that. A lot of guys who are reading this definitely have erectile dysfunction or stamina issues. But they can gain some control over it, some mastery, with exercises.
Sex After 50
Susan Bratton: What do we need to know about sex over fifty?
David Van Arrick: The biggest thing is that it’s okay not to have a raging erection right away. One of the biggest challenges about getting older, especially as a male, is that many of us think we lose a lot of our sexual function. But the fact is, only about 15-25% of men have really significant erectile issues that can’t be corrected by simple diet and lifestyle changes. Most of the more complicated issues are due to illness and/or medications to combat certain illnesses.
If you do the perineum massage that I explained above, if you focus on the four pillars of sexual performance—antioxidants, high L-Arginine content, Nitric Oxides, and good cardiovascular health—your erections will be as strong as or maybe even stronger than they were when you were in your twenties and thirties.
But most men don’t. They’ll fall down in those four pillars, and their PC muscles get flaccid, and they start losing function. However, you can reverse that very, very easily if you just take the time to do the exercises, change your diet, and walk twenty minutes three times a day. You’ll be amazed at how much your sexual life improves.
Older guys have to understand that, yes, there are herbal remedies that can give you steel erections, but by and large, men’s sexual performance gets better in a lot of ways as they get older. They shouldn’t buy into the limiting belief that, because they don’t have an erection that will drive like a nail through a 2X4, they can’t use it. Even if they don’t have a lot of techniques, older men tend to last longer during sex. They’re also better lovers over fifty than they were in their twenties because they’re more patient; they take their time. They need more in terms of emotional arousal, like a woman does.
As they age, men and women change roles a little bit. Women want to be a little bit more sexually aggressive, and men are a little bit more laid back, but they still both want sex. The biggest challenge I see for women is, for some reason, when they hit menopausal age, they tend to either get really, really sexual, or they think they’re done. “The baby factory stopped. I’m done sexually. I’m too old for sex.” That’s an extremely limiting belief that we have to get past, because some of the best sex of your life happens after fifty if you understand certain things.
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