How Small Offers Are A Signal Of Sexual Leadership [Seduction Trilogy]
I listened to the free audio interview Sloane did with Adam Armstrong of Ultimate Orgasm Techniques where he says you should take your woman’s hand and lead her to the bedroom to show your strength.
This is similar to what David Shade of Masterful Lover says, “show your power.”
So it confuses me when in The Seduction Trilogy, Dr. Patti says you have to make her small offers like a foot massage, a cup of coffee or something like that to get her to the bedroom.
In my mind, making her small offers doesn’t show very much strength.
Please explain how these concepts work together, because they seem mutually exclusive to me.
Bart from Norway
This is exactly the kind of challenge I love to receive, from my favorite customers like you, who read everything we write and see the holes in our explanations. Thank you for challenging me.
The bottom line – making small offers – is a solid form of sexual leadership, as are leading her to the bedroom or showing her your power.
For new readers, first I’ll explain the three perspectives from our industry peers and partners, Adam Armstrong and David Shade and our own expert here at Personal Life Media, Dr. Patti Taylor.
Why is making her small offers as equally powerful as more overtly sexual domination strategies?
Because in the Seduction Trilogy, small offers is only one of the four keys to seduction. The four keys work together to put YOU in the position of sexual leadership.
You would not make your woman a menu of small offers to which she can easily say, “Yes!” unless you properly integrate the other three of the Four Keys to Seduction: Vision, Vulnerability and Erotic Vigilance.
The VISION key, within the Four Keys to Seduction that Dr. Patti models, represents the sexual leadership that both David Shade and Adam Armstrong talk about. You have a “sexual plan” in your mind.
For example, you’ll run her a menu of offers:
Tonight would you like a neck rub, or have me squeeze your big toe joint on your right foot where it’s been hurting?
Afterward maybe I can hold you in my arms and tell you three things I love about you?
And then I’ll offer you another menu after that.
Maybe you’ll offer her kissing, a DO Date, or oral sex?
You have VISION, a plan, leadership.
You are leading her. Vision is ownership of your sexual life and the offers you make her are a subset of your vision for how you want it to be, based on her needs in the moment, her usual preference, anything unique you notice about today being different (that’s the Erotic Vigilance key) and what you might like to do together today (that’s the vulnerability key).
The Four Keys to Seduction are a synergistic model of seduction and escalation that she loves because she gets multiple choice offers which make it more likely she’ll say yes to at least one of them.
What one couple does is entirely different than another couple – the offers are based on where you two are at in your relating. You have the big picture of what her state of mind is currently through the key of Erotic Vigilance.
You know what you want from the sexual interaction and are willing to share your feelings with her. That’s Vulnerability. When you show your vulnerability, you show your humanity. This creates empathy from her. The empathy creates connection. The connection allows her to open to you and to take your lead, your vision, and accept one of your offers. The offers are “right sized” to where she is in the moment.
Click on the PLAY button on this video to watch the TED Talk by Brenè Brown about how vulnerability is the key to intimacy and connection.
Bart, because you’ve written so much to me, I have a bit of an idea how your relationship with your wife is. And it’s very strong, because you put so much attention on it. So you could say, “Do you want me to take you by the hand and lead you to the bedroom?” “Would you rather I pick you up and carry you?” “Or would you like to come over here right now and sit on my lap and let me kiss you first?”
Small offers don’t have to be foot rubs and cups of coffee for your relationship, because you two are sexually connected and enjoy expanding your sexual relationship all the time. Small offers for your wife could just be as I said above.
The thing you learn how to do in the Seduction Trilogy is fluidly get all four keys working together so the offers you make are ones that delight her. So you won’t get rejected. The Four Keys work for guys dating new women as well as men with wives of 60 years.
Because the four keys are scalable, they are a rejection-proof system any man can use on any woman his whole life.
You create opportunities for her to be sensual.
You get to be her hero, time and time again.
Sometimes the offers are naughty, sometimes they are sweet. Because you have the four keys, you know what will get a yes.
A woman wants four things from her man:
1) Your presence
2) Your attention
3) To talk about feelings
4) To feel turn-on
The Four Keys to Seduction address all four of her needs in a framework, a shortcut, that makes it easy for you to create a win:win.
So when you pin her arms down as you kiss her, after you carried her to the bed. Or you outline a romantic evening you’ve visioned. Or you give her a few little spanks when you’re making love… All of these are sexually dominant while taking into account what will be easy and pleasurable for her based on her state of mind and level of desire.
The Four Keys to Seduction dovetail together so you can replace rejection with connection because you are not making her big offers that she immediately shuts down.
When a woman is in a pre-arousal state, small sensual offers work great to get her turned on. If she’s aroused, you give her small sexual offers to escalate her in the bedroom.
EXERCISE FOR SMALL OFFERS
When you think about running her a menu of small offers consider this:
She might want a little snack.
Perhaps a breast massage with organic oil or to sit on your lap and have you kiss her and stroke her hair, her back, her thighs.
She might want a little something more…
Maybe she can lean up against you with her back against your belly while you run your hands all over her and stroke her while you’re watching a movie on the couch?
How about an Expanded Orgasm date (a genital massage) where you stroke her Yoni, belly, and thighs and get her all fluffy and engorged?
Maybe a “Sandbox Date” where you practice oral sex or 69 and come up with some new licks and strokes and give each other feedback?
Seldom does a woman really want an offer of full-out sexual intercourse. That’s too much too soon.
We need to be warmed up before that even sounds like a good idea to us.
Remember, we’re a slow fire that needs tending to get white hot.
You’ll have a LOT more dates, a lot more fun, a lot more women, and ultimately a lot more sex if instead, you run your dates these menus of options, likely starting even smaller than these ideas!
When you have all four keys from The Seduction Trilogy, you know how to tap into her appetite in the moment by learning to read what she’s feeling and make her offers tuned to her emotional state, even when she can’t tell you what she wants!
The Seduction Trilogy is a fantastic model and it’s all explained clearly and easily in the ebook/audiobook program which includes:
Seduce Her Tonight: Sex Life Strategies for Getting to Yes
Seduction Accelerator: The Most Turn-On and Hottest Sex
Her Sexual Trainer: Unlock Her Most Intense Sensual Responses
I have to say, the audiobooks are damn sexy to listen to!