How did I go from feeling almost no sensation in my genitals to being able to have stacked and ever-building delicious orgasms of all kinds that made me crave HOURS of lovemaking?
Historically, I could always have an orgasm, or two or three, when I made love to men during my dating years and then early in my marriage.
But over time, I lost sensation in my pussy. Like it was dead.
I had shut down from years of crappy sex, the friending of my husband (platonic marriage sucks!) and my anger at him for not showing up in the way I wanted him to as a husband or lover. (any of this sound familiar?)
We had too much to lose, and we were too smart, not to try to remedy our problems.
So we got very, very honest with each other.
We soul searched and revealed to each other (scary admittances!) what we each wanted in our marriage going forward.
For my man, his need was passion and sex.
I promised to step up if he did. We committed to TRYING to heal our lack of marital passion.
We went to a few sensuality workshops – Tantra and others – including one that taught us the value of Expanded Orgasms.
Expanded Orgasms are different than multiple orgasms. It’s a type of sensual massage whereby you stroke her clitoris in a certain way that not only eliminates clit fatigue, it allows her to stay in an expanded state of orgasmic bliss, coming for long periods of time.
Not only does she have great orgasms. It fully engorges her entire genital area, which is paramount for having really great intercourse that feels sublime for BOTH of you.
Hubby and I began an Expanded Orgasm practice.
It’s called a “practice” because it’s similar to meditation, in that you do it frequently and it gets better over time.
There are some “rules” we established that helped me be willing to let my man stroke my pussy, even when he couldn’t find the right spot or I didn’t feel much sensation in the beginning.
1) We schedule a couple of sensual dates a week to just focus on learning it together. We’d snatch 15 minutes here or there at first.
2) When we have an Expanded Orgasm date, there’s no expectation that it will go further into any additional sex
3) If it’s not feeling good to me, we stop.
4) I can just lay there. I don’t have to DO anything. I can just relax into the sensation. (Over time, as the feeling comes and orgasms happen, she naturally begins to writhe and moan and give him great feedback.)
What’s in it for HIM if she’s having all the orgasms and it doesn’t necessarily escalate into sex for him?
1) He’s having an intimate time riding and drawing her erotic energy forward with his touch.
2) He gets his hands on her beautiful pussy.
3) He gets her in her body, feeling her orgasm, which she appreciates and pays back to him in innumerable ways.
4) She gets engorged and turned on and that gives him a feeling of confidence about his erotic skills.
5) By removing the quid pro quo, and just learning to focus on her pleasure, he gives her the time and space to authentically warm to her desire for him.
We’re still doing our Expanded Orgasm practice years later and it has continued to get more delicious. I’ve learned how to have all kinds of orgasms from clitoral, to G-Spot to Blended to Vaginal to Ejaculatory to Full Body to Nipple (seriously!) and beyond.
Our sex life is on fire.
We have awakened the Yoni!
Intercourse is amazing now, with all kinds of vaginal and ejaculatory orgasms, due in large part to all the learning my body has done from Expanded Orgasm sessions.
We are closer than ever as a couple, having the best love, sex and marriage ever.
Expanded Orgasm literally healed our relationship and turned me into a woman who loves to have sex and adores my husband.
9 Responses
My wife used to enjoy multiple orgasms every time we had sex. Over the last year or two she stopped having orgasms. I’m 67. She is 63. I love focusing on her pleasure, but she says intercourse is enough for her. She says she no longer self pleasures with her vibrator either.
It’s so frustrating. She is very loving to me and the sex is great for me. I miss giving her orgasms. I love the way she sounds and feels when I can give that pleasure to her, but it doesn’t happen any more.
My wife is very sexy at 63 and thinks about our sex life. Something is wrong.
Nothing gives me greater pleasure or satisfaction than helping my wife have orgasms and experiencing and enjoying additional aspects of her innate feminine sexuality. Our intimacy is all about her and her pleasure. That is my focus and objective. Her pleasure is my pleasure and an important way for me to communicate my love and passion for her. Now that I have learned that I can induce a state of extended orgasmic ecstasy by proper fingering technique I am anxious to master those techniques and share that experience with her. It only gets better and better.
Susan – I have always stroked my woman’s pussy, but never to the extent of an EO. The thing with us is that she always wants me to stop because she says it’s too much for her to handle. Like she can’t handle the pleasure or something. I suppose I should try to talk to her more about it, but maybe my stroking is off as well. Is this just likely one of those “resistance issues” that you talk about? Something that I’ll have to work through?
Thanks for all the awesome words if wisdom!
Andrew
Hi Andrew,
The Expanded Orgasm stroking that Dr. Patti teaches in Expand Her Orgasm Tonight is a certain kind of stroking that alleviates the clitoral fatigue that causes a woman to squirm away from your touch because it’s “too much.”
There are also 21 Erotic Play Dates in EHOT that let you and your lady slowly learn how to give and receive this stroking and sensation so that she can get into the expanded orgasmic state.
Give it a try!
Love,
Suz
My compliments to You Susan … First because you did answer this Man’s very important question. There are so many other websites where questions go completely unanswered even though they ask to have them submitted !!
Second by Having previous disappointments and being able to describe how you overcame them is so much better than simply saying “this is what you ought to do ” !!
Thank you
My wife does not like for me to insert my fingers into her vagina, I have tried it several times and she said that she does not like it. I have tried slowing inserting my fingers while talking to her but she just does not seem to enjoy it.
She enjoys when I go down on her and she comes in this way.
Is there anything I can do to re-program her mind in this regard.
Yes, Henry. You can definitely get her to enjoy fingering.
Fingering is the most optimal way for a woman to orgasm because your fingers are the most nimble and precise instruments you have – better than vibrators, tongue or penis.
So it will benefit you greatly to go through a process of discussing this situation with your wife.
Here’s what to start.
Talk to her in a warm and loving way, but really stay with the conversation and go deep.
Why doesn’t she like it?
Ask her and listen.
Ask for more detail, don’t assume you understand what she means.
When you think about “re-programming her mind,” what you want to do is overcome any ignorance, reset any limiting beliefs she’s holding, educate her and help her get experience so she’s comfortable.
Put yourself in her shoes once you’ve listened to her feelings, beliefs and fears.
And read this blog post called, The Oral Solution, because it’s the same process for fingering as it is for oral.
Report back to us and let us know how the first conversation goes.
We’ll help you from there.
Love,
Susan
Thanks, Sloane, for describing, more in detail, what you are talking about and what benefits will result for the man. It’s very important for a woman to enjoy her sexuality. If a man can provide this for her, his enjoyment will increase. I experience non-ejaculatory orgasms.
I can not wait to receive the Sexual Awareness Course to impliment the Excercise. I am soooo excited to Master these Technics & the Results of the Study on Female Sexuallity. This will Open Up a whole New Sexual Experence for Both of US……