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Why Tom Didn’t Get To Make Love To Lisa – Avoidable Mistakes If You Know the 4 Seduction Keys

Why Tom Didn’t Get To Make Love To Lisa – Avoidable Mistakes If You Know the 4 Seduction Keys

My friend, Tom, told me about a date that didn’t culminate in sex, so I gave him advice through the filter of the 4 Keys to Seduction. These keys are working!

I’ve been very involved in helping Dr. Patti launch her Seduction Trilogy and I am now able to apply the Four Keys to Seduction to give momentum advice to my male friends. The Keys are:

  • Small Offers (start small so it’s an easy “yes”)
  • Erotic Vigilance (pay attention to her so you know what to offer)
  • Vulnerability (own and state your own needs and desires with integrity)
  • Vision (be the leader in the sexual relationship and show her possibilities)

Here’s what happened.

Tom had a date with Lisa.

He had given her a DO date (Deliberate Orgasm) in the past and she wanted more orgasmic sessions with him. A DO date is like a sensual massage, but better, where you actually stroke the vulva a certain way that holds a woman in orgasm for extended periods of time. This is what Dr. Patti teaches.

Lisa wanted her pussy stroked and Tom is good. Perhaps one of the best I know. He’s working at a level of impressive mastery whereby he can make almost any woman, who is already orgasmic, have a series of linked orgasms for 5, 10, 20, 30 minutes or longer.

The idea of a DO date is that it’s a “no strings attached” experience. Just because Tom gives Lisa expanded orgasms, there’s no expectation that there will be more. Think of it like a genital massage rather than a date for sex.

You can imagine he’s popular with the girls, because once you give a woman a string of linked orgasms, she has really great feelings for you. BUT, Tom has a problem segueing from a DO date to actual intercourse.

He’d like to amplify the activity with certain girls like Lisa.

Yet, more often than he’d like, the woman has a bunch of great orgasms and thanks him and she’s done.

Well, that’s JUST not gonna do!

So Tom asked me what he might do, from a woman’s perspective, to “cinch the deal.”

Tom might be elbow deep in Yoni, but I’m knee deep in the Seduction Trilogy learnings and here’s my advice.

Lisa is a very sexual girl. She loves to have orgasms and wants connection. What guys like Tom need to understand is that MOST women are like Lisa. We WANT you to make us feel great.

She trusted Tom. She opened herself to him. She had a string of beautiful orgasms when he stroked her. She was warmed up. She even cried a little when he stroked her G-Spot and he held her until she felt good again.

So WHY didn’t it progress? How could Tom take it out of the container of a DO date and move into a long, luxurious lovemaking session with Lisa?

Well, in this case, he first made an offer that worked for her. He offered to give her an OM (orgasmic meditation is another term used for this practice). She said, “yes,” so obviously she trusted him and wanted him to make her feel good.

She opened herself and was vulnerable. She released emotion when some of the G-Spot massage made her cry. She let him comfort her. Then she moved on.

Was he just a patsy? Did she use him?


He just didn’t give her everything she needed

to progress into lovemaking.

Here’s what Tom missed. . .

(Note: Substitute your own style of communication here and don’t make fun of mine. I’m giving you my best stuff here, OK? I really care.)

He could have used Erotic Vigilance at the end of the DO date and said, “you were so orgasmic and it made me feel like a king.” “I love your femininity and your Yoni (pussy) is so responsive and beautiful.” “I love giving you orgasm after orgasm.”

“Thank you for this experience we are sharing.” “I’d like to take you higher, now that you’re warmed up.”

“I feel really close to you right now.” This is Vulnerability. He’s sharing his feelings and being very human. “I am glad that I could give you such a deep release and be here for you.”

“I want to please you and you have made me so turned on.” “Are you feeling it too?” “It would feel so good to be inside you right now, while you’re so luscious.” “If I moved very slowly, and we connected in a way that felt right to you, could we take all this delicious sensation to another peak together?” (This is Vision – you are laying out the possibility of what could be.)

“Tell me what ever I can do to honor your boundaries and keep you safe while I take you to the moon.”

By saying some of these things, he’s showing her he “has her.”

She’s safe.

He knows what to do.

He’s offering her more sensation and connection.

He wants to know her boundaries.

He’s also being honest about what he wants with integrity.

These are mighty fine offers. Not small for most women, mind you, but appropriately sized for Lisa and Tom’s relationship. The DO date was “right sized” for Lisa. The offer for lovemaking is much bigger, but positioned inside of an even larger picture of lovemaking (Vision) and he asked for what he wanted (Vulnerability).

When Tom was done with the OM, he didn’t know HOW to ask her for more. He wanted to become even more intimate with her. And if he felt confident, followed the Four Keys, really put his attention on her and was honest, I believe she would have said, “yes.”

In staying connected to her, making her more offers, noticing how she was looking and feeling and how he was feeling would have set a context for them to segue into the next level of intimacy.

Another way he could have handled it was to show her his hard on. He could have said, “wow, you are so sexy to me.” “I adored giving you all those amazing orgasms and you really turned me on.” “Look at me, I’m so hard for you.” (Vulnerability) “I would love to take you higher and give you even more orgasms with some lovemaking, just the way you like it.” (Vision)

“It’s totally up to you, and we can go really slowly.” (Small Offers) “We could even start with you just holding my cock for a few seconds while we look into each others eyes or you give me permission to kiss you and see where that leads.” (Vision)

You can see how these Four Keys to Seduction interweave to create a great quality of communication that is both in the moment (Erotic Vigilance) as well as forward looking. (Vision) In Seduce Her Tonight and the Seduction Accelerator, you learn how to do each of these Four Keys separately, then weave them together.

The Four Keys are a foundation for erotic communication that work exactly the way women are wired.  They work on nearly every woman. Any man can learn them and start integrating them into his everyday life to increase the quantity and quality of the sex he’s getting.

What’s better is that women APPRECIATE a man who knows how to do this. Women, for the most part, prefer to be led, to be seduced, by a man who both understands her (Erotic Vigilance) and who knows how to create a satisfying sexual experience (Vision) for her.

In Seduce Her Tonight, Dr. Patti teaches how to “run menus” of options (Small Offers) that create a string of yeses.

How hard is it to learn?

Read the eBooks once straight through so you get the big picture. Then listen to the audio books straight through (they are sexy!). That way you will see and hear the concepts.

Next, go back and study each one individually and try them out. You can use the Four Keys in a non-sexual way very effectively as well, to show your woman you are really tuned into her. Start non-sexually (the books show you how) and then escalate when she’s ready.

If a woman feels like you can “read” her in everyday life, she’s going to have confidence that you’ll be able to tune into her sexually.

A woman fears that a man will be bumble-headed and fumbly in bed and rub her wrong, not have intercourse the way she likes, and generally, just do a crappy job having sex with her.

The more you can show her that you are paying attention to her (Erotic Vigilance) and making her offers (Small Offers) that she likes and wants to say “yes” to, the more she’ll believe that you are the man she wants to bed.

Whether for a night or a lifetime. . . whether you have great sex or lousy sex with her right now — the Four Keys to Seduction are going to make your experience together better, richer and more dialed-in to pleasure.

Get our free eBook to learn more seduction tips and ideas.


  1. Thanks, Sloane;
    This problem has been bugging me for a long time, 1+ years!
    I am very knowledgeable about a womans’ sexuality and how to get her in the mood, very deeply. (You and others would not believe what things I do to cause a woman to have many orgasms and types of orgasms.)
    I thought, the women were just interested in their own pleasure. Of course, they were appreciative, remained very friendly and told other women about me. But, apparently, I wasn’t using the techniques that you described. In addition, I did not make small offers. I made larger offers that shot me in the foot.
    I am learning a lot of things on this site. My thanks to Patti are also included.
    I’ll let you and Patti know of how I progress on this subject and how I can teach more women about their sexuality.

  2. Roberto,
    Just last night, my hubby and I were on our way home from dinner out and he said, “when we get home, I can’t wait to give you. . .”

    I contracted a little inside (I think it’s biological because I just adore him so much) and waited for the punchline. . .

    And he said, “neck massage.”

    My body breathed a sigh of relief.

    That was the perfect small offer.

    Of course, as soon as he gets his hands on me and relaxes me, I’m likely to want to escalate into something more sensual.

    But the small offer of a neck massage was exactly right sized for me to give him an enthusiastic “yes!”

    Hey, I really love that you posted a response to my blog. I love the comments! Keep ’em coming.


    • I have been reading about what you girls would really like from us guys.well im 56 an you girls have taught me so much please keep up the wonderful work you fine ladies are doing

  3. Thanks for Responding, Sloane;
    This info is NOT taught anywhere else!
    I do listen to women. This site and another site are the ONLY sites that are run by women, that I know of, that provide support for men.
    Women need to be aware of making small offers, also. I can think of one example that a woman made and it turned-me-off. (I can laugh about it now…we both made sooo many mistakes!..but, we are still friends.)
    I am very interested in teaching women more about their sexuality.
    Almost all are not aware of how sensuously responsive their bodies are to massage/touch.
    So many are not aware that they can have vaginal orgasms..G-Spot, Female Ejaculation, Deep-Spot and Cervix.

  4. I met a different lady who was too desirous to go into actual sex instead of wasting too much time in foreplay. I simply obeyed her and we went into sex she was very wonderful in bed. She gave me everything. On her part she even ejaculated. It was so enjoyable I must tell u. What do u say on this type of woman? Are some women like this? Thanks. Samuel.

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