This is an excerpt from Dr. Patti Taylor’s ebook and audio book called, “Her Sexual Trainer: Unlock Her Most Intense Sensual Responses.”
It’s part of the Seduction Trilogy.
Exercise: Fantasy Fishbowl
Here’s a sexual fantasy game and exploration tool that combines discovery and a taste of adventure. Write some hot, fun, sexy ideas on small papers or cards and put them into a fishbowl or similar container.
Then —taking turns —select a paper from the bowl and read it aloud. You might experiment reading the fantasies in different dramatic voices—shy, coy, flirtatious, outraged, zany. You might share about how the fantasy affected you as reader or listener; maybe play with the fantasy (by building it out round-robin style into a story and noticing what develops). Each you of can indicate whether you’d consider “ever doing them” and also, if any of these suggestions might be on the menu for tonight.
In addition to being a fun way to connect and learn, Fantasy Fishbowl is another way for you and your partner to train each other to your exact tastes. Your fantasies might be about something you’d like tonight… or some other point… or which you don’t know whether you’d ever want (“just exploring”). Your job as the guy is to create this “safe container,” so that she knows she can express her desires and needs safely.
You’ll be doing both of you a favor by making it completely safe for her to reveal her hot, sexy desires… and at times, inviting her to consider taking on new more daring personality traits. Finally, you will also be sharing with her your own ideas for how to have fun in bed, without being pushy (a strategy that may backfire and close doors that you would rather start opening).
Men, it really is okay to ask a woman what she wants! She’s hoping you will… trust me. With your asking, you demonstrate your sincere interest in her pleasure. Re-read that last sentence about demonstrating your sincere interest in her pleasure—you are showing her that your attention is on her and not on your ego.
In Her Sexual Trainer, I’ve included a number of additional things you can do to incubate some fun and sexy ideas. Your playful and curious incubation may pay off immediately, or linger in the back of her mind, as she waits for the right time to say yes.
Are you getting the point of incubation? You’re generating a library or bank of turned-on experiences, and this building is fulfilled (in the imagination) in the act of sharing them.
Done properly, you will also acquire valuable information about what your partner might like.
I hope you’re not hesitating on this one. Men seem to have an aversion to asking for directions, if you’ll pardon the stereotype. If you want to take your sex life to the stars, get over it! (I think we’ve covered this in fair detail already under “education” and the training cycle, and more.) You need to know—or find out—what might turn her on!
Take advantage of these opportunities to discover what a woman does want and might want, and make suggestions, too!
Note: if you have fantasies that you feel you need to experience in order to feel satisfied, and that would generally be considered “kink,” it’s even more important to release any expectations about your partner participating right away. Please exercise your best judgment regarding if and when to share these fantasies. You might visit a suitable web forum or seek a professional who can help you decide how to best proceed.
Having said this, most people can share all kinds of fantasies in this sexual fantasy game. Some of them can come true, and some of them are a great turn on, even if they remain strictly in the realm of fantasy-land.
I always look forward to reading your post. It’s inspiring and insightful. It has been teaching me more of what women want, and what I need to do, to get them to that next level.