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Audio Solution Anthology: 21 Deadly Mistakes Men In Relationship Make

Are you making any of these mistakes that men in relationship make that destroy their sex life?

A good first step towards improved intimacy is to avoid these common mistakes and break any patterns that could be causing you to careen towards a platonic relationship with your wife.

Are you holding limiting beliefs that are sapping your confidence?

Avoid these road-blocks that get in the way of creating the kind of hot, sexy relationship you want.

Listen or download the audio file to learn more.

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6 Comments

  1. Thanks for letting me know you’re frustrated. You are welcome to send me an email with the specifics of your situation and I’ll recommend a course of action. I try to make a 4-step model you use as a framework and then you select the strategies you think will best work for your particular relationship. Happy to help you!

  2. Hi Susan,
    My wife and I have been married for 26 years. We have a 22 year old son and a 17 year old daughter. As usual our sex life in the early yeras was fantastic. When our son was born, our sex life pretty much ended. When I would try to bring our sex life up, she would get mad and tune out. Over the years, I would come to find out she was molested by a neighbor when she was about 7-8 years old. She has suffered from depression(no wonder) and has been taking anti-deppression pills. I finally got her to see a therapist, but a few years of therapy only got her to not want to passionately kiss anymore. I am at my wits end. I don’t know how to get her sexuality back. Now I am depressed. This has been going on for over 20 yeras. Help.
    Thanks, Bill

    • Hi Bill,
      It’s such a shame that so many women are sexually abused and at such young ages.
      This is all too common.
      Here’s the shortcut to getting back to where you want to at a very high level:
      First you must get her back in therapy.
      If she had YEARS of therapy and the therapist was unable to move her through the healing, the therapist was not the right one.
      I would recommend a psychotherapist or psychologist, not just a marriage and family therapist or sexologist. And I would choose one from AASECT.org.
      Secondly, I would purchase this book and recommend you read it with her.
      The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
      http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061284335/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=perlifmed-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=0061284335
      You two need to come to an agreement that the creep who abused her will no longer destroy your intimacy.
      It is time to heal and forgive. The person who abused her had issues and an awful life. Compassion is key here. Forgive them. Let it go. Get rid of the stranglehold they have on your wife.
      If your wife gets mad at you or tunes out, just stay present with her. Breathe. Stand firm in your love and support for her. And hold her hand and move her forward through this process of opening to healing, letting go and forgiveness.
      At first, she will likely dissociate when she has sex with you. If you see her “disappearing” – call to her, look her in the eyes, keep her present.
      You are both victims, and yet, holding on to the victimhood serves no one. It continues to punish you both.
      Do not let that creep, who has a worse life than you both, hold sway on your intimacy any longer.
      It’s time to put this to rest. Refresh your mindset. Move forward with courage and take back your lives.
      Let me know how you do and if I can clarify anything.
      With Love,
      Susan

  3. I started dating my wife when I was 17 and she was 16, I am now 33 and we have been married for 12 years and have 3 kids. We have the ability to have great sex, but the frequency is very up and down. My wife and I communicate very openly, although sometimes I feel she is holding something back. She has even said to me that she wishes she wanted sex more often, which I feel is a good step in my direction. However there are several major hurdles keeping us from moving deeper, my wife will not kiss me, I honestly don’t remember when we made out last. She told me once that I wasn’t very good at it, and that she can live without kissing, naturally I have become very uncomfortable with this, as I have had no problems with other women in this area. Now what concerns me is that when we were dating she had sex with another guy, just because he was a good kisser, so I know how important and powerful it is to her, but I’m not sure what to do in this department. Another hurdle is her father, which she hasn’t talked to in over 12 years, he was very abusive verbally and mentally, not sure about anything else, she is very easily angered to almost the point of no return. We can have the most awesome day together, and somehow at the end of the things go wrong and she just seems to hate me, and I wasn’t even after sex. Everything I do to impress seems to have 1 minor detail left out that throws off the whole meaning of what I was trying to do. Need a little help with this one, I have dedicated my life to figuring her out!!!!!

    • Hi Bo,
      Thanks for asking this tough question. I am sure you are not alone here.
      I have some questions for you. I have some hunches too.

      First of all, let’s put aside the kissing issue for now because you are not yet in a position to work on this.
      When you are, I can give you some ideas to slowly stairstep her into considering making out with you.
      But not until we figure out the anger issue.

      Now.

      Here’s my thinking. Again, I don’t have much to go on here, so I need your feedback.

      She’s used to being in a situation where her father modeled a behavior that used anger and fear to manipulate her.
      So she has to be pretty good at dishing that back out in that she’s seen it play out over and over.

      If you just can’t “get it right” and she “hates” you and you don’t know why, could it be that she’s stuck in a negative behavior loop?

      I believe that many women enjoy sex once they have had it, but getting them to slow down, allow themselves to get turned on, let go and surrender to their sensuality triggers a flight or fight response of their nervous system that makes it very difficult to surrender.

      If she can get over that response, she can enjoy, but getting her over it when she’s been emotionally abused and potentially she’s also an emotional abuser might likely redouble her difficulty in succumbing to pleasure.

      The next time she lashes out at you, would you be willing to stand firm and not allow her to get angry at you or make you feel she hates you? What would happen if you set a new boundary and told her that you would no longer be able to participate in the upset?

      I look forward to your reply with more information so we can get through her anger and on to your kissing strategy.

      In Support,
      Susan

  4. Hi Susan
    Thank you for your previous reply. I started applying some of the things I had learned right away, and it seemed things were going well. For the first time my wife grabbed me and kissed me before getting it on. Which I thought was awesome!!! That was about 3 weeks ago, now things have gone down hill. She claims she can’t trust me, and in that she claims to mean that I won’t stand up for her. Now in the past there has been some major issues with my family and what she considered standing up for her, and I have since corrected the problem over a year ago, and there hasn’t been any real conflict for some time. She claims now that all feelings for me are gone, other than I am the father of the kids. There hasn’t been any new issues lately, just me using these new techniques. I haven’t even been after sex I just want to get closer to her, and for her to get closer to me. I’m sure this all has something to do with her abusive manipulative father, if I were to guess, she does a lot of the things he did verbally. It seems that for her nothing is ever right or good around here, she is always focused on the negative. I think sometimes I picked the wrong one. Not sure where to go with this.

    Thanks Preston

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