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Creating ‘Small Offers’ Non-Verbally [Mailbag]

Within Revive Her Drive I feature Dr. Patti Taylor discussing the 4 Keys to Seduction.

This model is thoroughly detailed in her Seduction Trilogy program.

Muppet, one of our customers, emailed me about how he uses Small Offers in non-verbal ways, which I thought added a lot of great ideas to Dr. Patti’s work.

Here’s Muppet’s advice:

Susan, your feedback as usual is excellent!

Here’s a male’s perspective on these thoughts:

“Yes offers” don’t have to be verbal.  (A lot of us men have trouble talking about stuff.)

(You and another lady introduce the concept, so of course it’s a verbal thing to the more loquacious gender.  😉

One of my favorite ways to try yes offers is to go nonverbal.  Even stealth.  Try a light touch here or a a gentile caress there while talking with her and carrying out day-to-day life with her.

When I say light, I MEAN LIIIIIGHT.  Teasing.  And definitely in a non-sexual zone.

And then watch to see if she mirrors or escalates or does nothing…

It’s great fun.

If she does nothing, wait a bit and try something else.  Maybe play with her hair just a wee bit.  Or gently touch her hand….

If she mirrors, then WAIT A BIT and mirror her back but with a twist.  Maybe a slightly different touch or a slightly different place.  If she escalates, then wait a bit and mirror her.  Make it a game to see where you can take her.

I loooove doing this in public while keeping the touches very non-sexual if in a family-sensitive environment.  I especially love giving her these little subtle love touches in front of other women because this emphasizes the “I choose YOU alone above all others” aspect of our marriage.  (It’s a subtle way of leading her mind without saying a thing.)

For the guys who like formulas, in this game there are at least four variables you can play with:

Timing of your touch relative to your last touch or her last body language signal (this one is especially important to vary)
The kind of touch (what part of my body I use, how firm, etc)
The location of the touch on her body
How sexual or non-sexual the touch is

Then mix it up, have fun, and see where it leads!

No matter if it leads to the bedroom or not, done as a part of kind, loving, ordinary day-to-day interaction, it will help create and maintain the kind of physical and emotional connection she needs to EVENTUALLY get there.

But I would caution an alpha man against even thinking of it as “leading to the bedroom” because that positions the man as the needy one and the woman as the one who gives or doesn’t give sex.

Rather, I find it more useful to think of it as a simple, fun way to affirm my wife as MY WOMAN, just because that’s the kind of loving, affirming, high-quality man I am.  Approached this way, sometimes SHE will WANT to take it sexual.  Sometimes she won’t.

This can happen in really surprising ways and really surprising times…

But if it’s fundamentally a game of affirmation, then GRADUALLY over time SHE will become the one dragging ME to the bedroom.

And what guy doesn’t want that?

I would just add one word of caution for the guys who are just starting to turn their marriage around.  If they are still at a negative place with their woman (for example, if she tuns away when he tries to kiss her is one especially telling clue or she if she will bad-mouth him in front of others is another) if a man is still at a negative place with his woman, this WON’T work.

This man first needs to work on recreating the polarity in his relationship so she can respect him, and on being the kind of man who is constantly affirming his wife through his words, actions, helping around the house, etc.

Once a man gets this, then he can move on to creating connection and tension for her like I described.

I hope this helps other men become the best MEN they can be…

Warmly,
Muppet

With Love,
Susan Bratton

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