How to get the POLARITY back into your sex life when your woman says, “We’re just friends.”
**I feel a little strange talking to you about this but I need all the help I can get.***
Thank you for your trust.
***My wife and I are struggling. She says she loves me, but more like a friend.***
Platonic relationships are the single biggest issue when there isn’t enough Polarity.
That’s the masculine/feminine balance that’s gone missing.
In our modern culture of equality, Polarity gets hammered in a typical relationship.
Within Revive Her Drive there are a whole series of modules on how to re-establish your masculinity in the bedroom including:
- Alpha Masculinity
- Dance of Polarity
- Maps to Buried Pleasure
- Sustaining Attraction
- Lifelong Passion
- Seduction Integrity
- 4 Keys to Seduction
- Sexual Sticking Points
- Erotic Adventures
- Overcoming Resistance
ALL of these show you how to take control, lead her, open her to her sensuality and trust you so she can relax and surrender.
If she loves you like a friend, all of this is might be very helpful for you to listen to immediately.
And don’t feel badly, feel great about yourself that you are reaching out to take responsibility and learn what you need to do to remedy this situation.
It’s an unbelievably common scenario and if you’ve caught it in time, you can get her to talk by being easy to talk to, and you are willing to learn some new skills, you can have a hot, sensual, masculine/feminine love life and step up to take care of your woman the way she needs you to to feeling the feelings she wants to feel.
***She talks about separation and divorce.***
I’m sorry to hear this. When she talks about it, what does she say?
***She shows little interest in sex. In fact, last night we snuggled. It was cold.***
For many women where there’s a lack of polarity and possibly that sex isn’t really feeling that great for her compared to you, she’s going to lose interest.
Does she orgasm when you have sex? What do you usually do together and how frequently?
***This morning I spontaneously started coming on to her and she let me get started then all of a sudden she said she had to get up and get ready for work.***
Her body has natural urges but her mind overrides them because she’s emotionally checking out of your relationship. That’s why she pulled away after being initially responsive. Also, if the sex is not that satisfying for her, she won’t be eager.
***We don’t fight but she says she is unhappy and has been for a long time.***
What is she unhappy about?
***She says it’s her, not me.***
Oh, it’s YOU too, darling. It’s not just her. Though she’s likely evolved since you two got together, and perhaps she feels disconnected from you (exacerbated by the lack of physical intimacy) her feelings are definitely stemming from her interactions with you.
She’s just not feeling like she can be honest and tell you the truth, which means her frustrations are likely about sex and money – you’re not earning enough, she’s doing too much, you’re not attractive to her anymore (have you taken care of yourself?), you’re not sexually satisfying her or even if she’s having an orgasm to two, she’s bored out of her mind with the lovemaking. These are pretty classic issues in a long-term relationship and I’m sure she feels guilty even thinking them.
***It’s weird but she talks most of the time like everything is OK, even about future things but not about relationship when it comes to sex she says she just doesn’t want to.***
She likely doesn’t want to because she’s terribly dissatisfied and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and doesn’t think you can meet her needs based on past performance.
You can see why she doesn’t want to talk about it.
There are probably a lot of other issues feeding into her dissatisfaction.
Here’s what I can tell you, M. From my experience and my vantage point talking to a LOT of men all over the world about their sex lives and relationships at a very honest level, is that your woman is on her way out the door.
She’s likely biding her time, getting her stuff in order, but she’s done with you. Checking out emotionally, saying it’s “her not you.” Classic signs.
Now, what the heck do you do to save this? As I assume you still love her and want to make this right?
(I notice that often, when a guy realizes his marriage is in danger, she’s already one foot out the door, already dating someone else and they are just waking up to the fact that she’s not satisfied. It blindsides guys and it’s too little too late.)
Now I could be wrong. It’s not like you have given me much info. HOWEVER, just from what you’ve said, this is a major issue and you need to get on it immediately.
It’s time for a sit down with her. You must find a way to make it safe for her to tell you the real and complete truth about what’s going on. Just listen. Ask clarifying questions. Pull it out of her. Do not let her protect your feelings. You are the man, for goodness sakes. Handle it. Don’t freak out. Just HEAR her. Give yourself time to digest.
You can start with the Relationship Values Workbook in Revive Her Drive as the way to get the conversation started.
Tell her that you want to make her happy and you know her needs have changed over the years you’ve been together. You want to sit down, over dinner, and do the workbook together.
All you have to do is think about what the four most important things are for you in being in a relationship. She does the same.
Here’s an example of one of my most recent customer’s wife’s response:
“I want freedom first. My #2 relationship value is personal freedom.”
This is a woman who clearly wants an opportunity to have some life experiences. So the first thing her husband should be asking her is, “How can I support you in getting the kind of freedom that will make you happy in our relationship?” “What does “freedom” mean to you, darling?”
Do the RV Workbook with her and see what your RV’s and hers are. Then see if you two are willing to get up every morning and give each other what you truly desire in a relationship.
Every couple’s needs morph over time. What she wanted from a marriage in her 20’s will be very different than in her 40’s.
Find out why she doesn’t like having sex with you.
Why she thinks separation and divorce would be better.
What she needs from you to be truly THRILLED to be with you.
And tell her what your needs are.
What do you need sexually? What is your desire?
What kind of relationship would be the most pleasure for you to be in with her?
Time to get real. Get honest.
If you do not start telling the truth to each other, you can kiss your marriage good bye.
I know that sounds harsh, but it’s the truth.
And you can handle it.
You must handle it.