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Male Pattern Anger, Bitterness and Victimhood [Mailbag]

Male Pattern Anger, Bitterness and Victimhood [Mailbag]

QUESTION

Hello, I would like to thank you for the info but sorry to tell you that all this information is completely useless.

Why?

Because women today are ONLY interested in “LOOKS”, “MONEY”, and “A**HOLES”!!

As I have learned that if your not drop dead gorgeous, with piles of money in the bank and are the biggest heartbreaking, drug using, abusive, alcoholic a**hole on the planet, then they want nothing to do with you. Just look around and see what they are with, I rest my case.

Because of this insanity from women is why I have been single for a good 97% of my life.

Oh JOY!!!

NOT!!

Why would I want to be with a woman anyway? So I can get truck load after truck load of SFA ( SWEET F*** ALL) in return? NO THANK YOU!!  — Landon


ANSWER

Hi Landon,
Thank you for sharing your true thoughts with me.
I’d ask you to perhaps consider the reason you’re single is due to your hardened heart?

Because I completely disagree with you about all women wanting guys who have looks, money and are nasty.

ALL women are not like this. Some are, of course. But there are many amazing, wonderful women looking for a darling, sweet man who will love them with all his heart.

Based on what you’ve written, your heart is hard, not soft, which is likely why women are avoiding you.

What can you do to get rid of your victim patterned thoughts*?

Until you get some compassion, forgiveness and bring love into your heart, you will stay in this trough of negativity.

Have you read the 7 Natural Laws of Love?

Do it.

To get love you must give it.

To have desire, you must uncover the emotional pain you are feeling.

Stop resisting.

You are lovable.

Stop acting like you are not lovable to test everyone.
This test doesn’t work. It just makes you unlovable.

Your desire is being covered up by emotional pain and lack of worthiness.

Likely your parents didn’t give YOU enough love to feel, “Whole-Hearted.”

Watch this video with Brenè Brown to see why you might just be coming from a disadvantaged emotional frame.

Then let go of your resentments and open your heart.

Do some emotional work to let all this anger, fear, frustration and resentment go.

Change your life.

You are in complete control of your thoughts, your responses, your feelings, your time on this planet and what you make of it.

More about victim patterns from this excerpt by Carlos Xuma from Revive Her Drive on the section entitled, Alpha Masculinity:

Carlos Xuma: There are four roadblocks to masculinity.

The first one is what I call ‘male pattern anger.’ This is where guys have this built in frustration – and we all do to some degree – about women having the control over sex, over what happens there to get to the bedroom. We’ve got to let go of that as men. We’ve got to understand that we can work with that. Yes, women do have that say, but at the same time men have the ability to qualify and choose too. We can let go of that anger.

The next is the victimhood, and oh, this is a killer. When a woman smells this on you it is the worst. This is when you believe the world is acting upon you instead of the other way around.


Guys, again, being the leader, taking the initiative, having the ambition eradicates the victimhood. There’s a scarcity mindset – now we’re getting back down to some really core psychological traits I’ve seen in the guys that I’ve had to counsel and coach.


This is where we see there’s a limited amount of everything, including the pretty women out there, and that’s just not true. There’s an abundance mindset and there’s a scarcity mindset, and it’s just a simple flip of the switch for that. But that scarcity mindset then kills both your masculinity and your inner game and leads to a “get” mentality.


The “get” mentality is the erroneous belief that you have to get something from women. In other words, you don’t just want to go out and talk to women and enjoy women and have fun and laugh with them. It’s the need to get something – get a phone number, get a kiss, get laid, get a date, whatever it may be.


And this need to recharge your battery from somebody else is something that everybody can tell and everybody can smell on you, and women are exceptionally good at noticing this mentality and steering clear of men who project it.

learn more

You are likely so deep in your anger trough that you’ll negate this whole email from me.

What a shame if you do not address and rid yourself of this bitterness.

If you’d like to break out of this trance of despair, I would recommend you take a free 30 minute session with Chas August, my recommended relationship coach. He makes himself available to our Personal Life Media members for free for a half hour by request. He saved my marriage to Tim when we were in despair, and he can save your life by helping you see that love IS out there for you.

Chas can be reached at [email protected]

Take the first step.
Believe your mindset might be what is holding you back from having love.

And the second.
Call Chas and talk for a half hour.

Let me know how you do.

With love,
Susan Bratton

If you have a word of positive advice for Leonard, have battled this issue, or can help in any way, please post a comment below.

8 Comments

  1. This is an example of a first class lloron (crybaby). It can however be overturned. But he must learn to view things differently. Only by giving will you receive. Not only is there anger and hatred in the words, but lack of confidence.

    When you view the world differently, the world around you starts to change. Life and love with women is good and worthy for those who view it as such; and to those that do not, it will drag them through the mud and make them feel as used as a peanut shell on the floor of a cheap bar.

    Women will be women, be a man and be what you were born to be. Confident, a hunter, you choose, don’t let others choose you. If you want a woman who is with suckerfaces with money and only care for one thing, then by all means, choose someone else. Do not let a woman like that destroy your happiness or take away the power that you have.

    Yes, you are that powerful, but only when you start taking responsibility for your own actions. Stop the crying and star living lloron.

    Malo

    • Everyone is in a different place. Sometimes the upset takes us all down. It is good to have encouraging words and to hold our friends and fellow humans accountable to positive action, rather than staying stuck in the negative. I understand that is what you are trying to do, Malo.

  2. Ok, I’ll bite. I’ve been through pure hell. Not related to women, mind you (in fact I’ve never been with any – ever). But pretty much, have been my whole life in hell in some way or another. A lot of medical issues that would make most people cringe at the small beginning, let alone all the things. However, see below, because the past decade or so has been a lot better than the past.

    Thing is this: when I learned to be grateful what I have, and the things I don’t have that I would not want, it does help. Try to stay positive. Even if you can’t, try. It’s one of those things you just have to focus on. Stop yourself from thinking negative. And when you can’t control something, why fret over it? You’re stressng yourself out – whether you believe it or not – and that’s not helpful or healthy. I’m not even talking emotionally (though it applies too) but mentally and physically (think of your heart for one example).

    As for females in general, I find they are the most helpful in many things. In fact, if it weren’t for some females, besides my mom, just wonderful friends, I would say I wouldn’t be here anymore. I will never offer anyone medical advice, even though I have a good deal of experience in it (especially mental/emotional), but it seems to me that this person has something deeper going on. And the longer he has the victim mentality, and/or holds things in (that little blurt above doesn’t count as letting it out, frankly) it will get worse. In short: take care of yourself, and if you need help or something is bothering you, then get help. Period. I know, I know. Most don’t “need” or “want” help. That was the mistake of my first 20 years of my life however. Things would be so much better, had it not been for that garbage attitude of not caring.

    I’m kind of in the middle of something, so can’t say more right now, but… just keep that in mind and try to stay positive. If you have ONE thing to be happy or positive about – think about it. Make an effort to think of one good thing a day, for example. Each day. Heck, document it. And try to be thankful and appreciative, too. It’s all around a healthier mindset.

    Kind regards.

    • C,
      Thanks for weighing in. And I recommend for anyone who needs someone to talk to, to take advantage of my free 30 minute Skype or phone session with Chas August. Chas was Tim’s relationship counselor when we were going through our rocky times. His experience, his insight and his honest assessments are powerfully helpful. Chas August http://chasaugust.com/ You can trust him to guide you if you ever need a shoulder.
      Suz

  3. the world is a mirror. whatever you put out comes back.
    Right on , Susan; anger is IMO the #1 issue in America; if I had time I’d write a book about it. Staring with my family of origin. But I am busy getting on with my life and appreciating the friends and gifts that have come my way. No need to run my life out of anger/victim/hate any more. Why not live with the gifts/talents we are born with? then anger and victim mind will be irrelevant and a nuisance! Live the good and look for the good and the whole picture changes.

    • Yes, Nikos. Every moment is a choice you make about what you create in your life. Thank you for posting!

  4. I USE TO FEEL THE SAME WAY BUT AFTER A WHILE I REALIZED IT WAS ME THAT WAS KEEPING ME FROM HAVING A GOOD RELATIONSHIP AND NOW I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A VERY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN . NEITHER ONE OF US HAS A HUGE SACK OF MONEY IN THE BANK . I AM 19 YEARS OLDER THAN HER AND SHE IS A VERY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AND BEFORE I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD EVER HAVE A LADY AS BEAUTIFUL AS HER EVEN AS A FRIEND LET ALONE TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND AND SOON TO BE MY WIFE. AN I AM BY NO MEANS NEAR A HEART-THRUB AS YOU SAY ROB.
    I FOUND OUT THAT I HAD TO LOVE MYSELF FIRST BEFORE I COULD EVEN THINK OF LOVING SOMEONE ELSE AND LETTING HER INTO MY LIFE . WE CHAT ALMOST ALL THE TIME AND WE KNOW A LOT ABOUT EACH OTHER . SURE THERE WILL BE SOME ARGUEMENTS GBUT YOU HAVE TO HAVE AN OPEN MIND AND REALLY LISTEN TO WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS SAYING AND THEN TRY TO FIGURE OUT THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION SO YOU’S BOTH WIN .
    I AM NOT A ROMANTIC PERSON EITHER BUT I HAVE BEEN GETTING A LOT OF GOOD ADVICE FROM SUSAN AND DR. PATTY AND FROM MICHEAL WEBB.
    HOPE YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR THINKING ABOUT WOMAN AND START TO ENJOY YOUR LIFE AND TO BE HAPPY AGAIN LIKE WHEN YOU WAS A LITTLE KID .
    SINCERELY A FRIEND

  5. This is quite a wonderful staff yoy know. it’s really nice to meet with such brains as we do in our daily correspondences, fine there is a variety of life issues but of cause this exaptionally brilliant. we have different attitudes towards men and women life line.
    let me start by thanking you guys for this heart opening info and urge you to share this with as money people as possible. its quite teaching and very imparative to know this.

    Fine its a matter of time and i otherwise would as well right a million pages book.
    we men have the kind of fear that having been failed by that particular woman, a! it means m useless and not worth living. most of us we are not confident of our stands. we hardly know there some good woman out there looking for us or perherps we are in denial? i don;t know.

    i guess it goes along with our ambitions and beleaves? just like women, there are some useless or rather less caring men. whether they have money or not. such people as these, mostly beleive in material life, they dont know that one’s wealth is in the heart. your heart is the pump, engine, regulator of your life so stay positive, ambitious and confident. i have personally experienced very sad predicaments in my love cycles at some stages i would feel aloof in this universe.
    guess what, due to my positive attitude in life, just in the middle of nowhere someone would make me feel my presence in the world and am happy again.
    so please guys let us not dispair, much as you trust you are a good lover, there is someone somewhere who is capable of returning the credit. she just needs a cool cat wieh those warm hands and purely loving heart.

    thanks guys.

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