This could have been the perfect hug.
It’s a sweet moment in time on the train tracks.
It’s a beautiful day.
She obviously feels close to him. Look how tight she is holding her body against his.
She has two arms thrown around his shoulders.
So why is he hugging her wrong?
Assume he’s not her “friend zone” buddy, that he is her boyfriend, lover, husband…
He had the opportunity to hold her tight, with both arms wrapped around her, securely anchoring her.
Try this with your lady.
Put your arms around her, pull her close to you — abdomen to abdomen, heart to heart — and then hold her.
Don’t let go.
Ask her to relax fully in your arms.
As she relaxes, tell her you’ve got her, and squeeze her just a little more tightly.
Keep the pressure on her completely. Don’t let go, don’t release, don’t open your arms.
Encourage her to feel you holding her. Ask her to allow herself to relax and feel held by you.
And no matter what you do, do not ease up on the sweet embrace until she asks you to.
This strong, solid, long hug may be the best she’s ever gotten.
Because here’s what happens in most hugs. The minute she relaxes, he thinks it’s a signal to let go.
Don’t let go. Just let her melt in your arms.
And as you’re holding her, think about how much you love this sassy, sweet, delicate, kick butt creature.
And fill her with love and affection.
Breathe with her.
Match her breath and then slowly deepen your breaths and “breathe her.” Set the pace of the breathing so her breath slows and deepens and your hearts beat as one.
Feel free to give her plenty of instruction before you start, so she knows you will not let go. So she knows you are encouraging her to feel really held by her man.
And let me know how you both love this exercise.
Girls don’t like me because i’m skinny.
Thank you for this interesting article, now I know how to hug a girl.
I am a paraplegic, though it’s not necessarily permanent. I’m an “improved” paralytic. My lady- friend had gone through some very tough times, and is a recent divorcee’. However, she sees me, the man, not the wheel chair, and enjoys close, close contact with me, sitting on me, while I’m in my chair. 3 days ago, she visited and “needed a big hug”. She squeezed back, while sitting on my lap facing me, then gradually began to relax, almost acting as if she were ready to sleep. I maintained gentle pressure with the hug, lightly kissing her closed eyelids and lips. She opened her eyes, looking very sensuously at me and whispered for me to take her clothes off, very slowly, and keep hugging and kissing her. I love multi-tasking and delicious things led to delicious things. You’re right! Be a man, you guys, and let her feel safe and deeply loved when she needs that. Long, languorous hugs can expand! Get the picture?
Thank you so much for that Susan.I so wish I had read that before the hug I had on Sunday! Oh well I can only dream I might get another chance with her and maybe get it right then.
A big, firm hug, knowing that your woman knows you have her is a huge turn on for us guys, it’s just not for the ladies.And hug her, even if she is stressed, as long as it takes, she’ll come around and appreciate that you hung (hugged) in there. Talk about masculine power!They will be back, begging for a hug, you posted this before Susan, it works for both
I really did not know that there was any other way to hold a woman.
I figured this out about 30 years ago, and it has served me well.
Pretty much every woman who had been comfortable enough with me to be completely held and embraced in this fashion, has at some point given herself to me. I think the only exception has been my Lesbian friends…
All effort to make her love me to make her sex life deepened, is futile, I am getting frustrated, and seeking divorce. I think we are not compatible.
Now how does a woman get her man to do this short of emailing the article?
I’m emailing the article to my man. He loves it …try it, you have nothing to loose!
I am really thankful to susan. Because your valuable guidance will hold the many couples firmly with strong bond. Taste of strong hug is so sweet and its different kind of taste that i cannot express in words.
You suck. You make me really miss my old girlfriend more than ever. I could kiss her for hours and hug her tight, then one day we were sitting on our bench kissing, hugging, and touching each other all over when I pulled her up close and she went limp. I pulled her up even closer and tighter and passionately we kissed when she asked me to make lover to her. I never had a woman make me feel so completely loved and needed. Baby, I hear your voice in my head all the time. The problem is right after that, she found her husband was interested in another woman and things changed and eventually she didn’t want to see me anymore. Guilty conscious? What ever…Baby if you are reading this, I still deeply do love you. You touched my heart and soul in a way I never knew was possible. You are the greatest love I’ve ever know.
For you dummies out there. Hold your woman close with both arms around her, look into her eyes so deeply that all you see is inside her, and see the perfect woman she is. Kiss her passionately, touch her face and neck gently while kissing. Run your fingers through her hair and when she relaxes, pull her closer and melt together. If you remember seeing anything more than her eyes and having any thoughts…you did it wrong.
That is beautiful to feel.
P.S. I’ve always regretted that he takes my relaxation as a cue to end the hug. You ladies talk about polarity between masculine and feminine — holding hard is masculine; I’d like to be able to relax into letting go of my arms’ grip while still being strongly held by him. That would be delicious. It is rare.
Amen. I can’t count the times I’ve felt hurt and confused because a lover gave me only a one-arm hug.
Excellent guidance, but some men don’t have a good or instinctively accurate ‘feel’
for why or how the works.
David Deida, more than once in his writings, speaks about this approach to getting a female to abandon her fears or resistance and come into the present moment and allow herself to open up to receive a man’s gift of loving intimacy.
Now I’m kicking myself for all those missed opportunities.
I now know they were begging me to do exactly what you described!
well im atestimony to these i luvd hugging ma x n it worked everytym feeln her breathing next to me…n th tyt hugs n not letting go n whispering things to her ear did all th magic…so it truly works..
Your instructions Susan Bratton?
Have you read the book, “Hold me Tightly”?
Yes, Matt. And here’s another post on our sight about it. http://members.personallifemedia.com/2012/10/05/hold-me-tight-2/
I never thought about how I hugged my woman. Thank you so much for these specific instructions. Must be suggestions from a woman.
Your instructions will be followed each time I hug her. Hugs that are spontaneous from her or from me will be done this way. I have posted it on my mirror.
good artical the instruction you metion very good but my coments is some times did the thing spontaneously and that will be beauty and nature of the love.