“I can still come, but sometimes it’s too early. Sometimes she can keep sucking and licking my head of my manhood, but because I don’t have my full sensation anymore due to Peyronie’s Disease, it doesn’t always work.
I have tried the two medicines you see advertised all the time, but they don’t always work either.
I think it’s mostly because mentally, I am afraid I am not going to perform.
If I am alone and watching adult content, I can usually climax. Any ideas?” — Charlie
I asked Jim Benson, the noted male sexuality expert to provide his answer.
Wow, what a challenging journey you’ve been on! Sounds like you’ve added some mental issues on top of your very obvious physical ones. (Not surprising — we all do it!)
What’s most interesting to me about your story is that you orgasm more regularly when you’re “alone while watching porn.” That tells me that physically, you’re sexually functional. Having more or better orgasms with your wife may just be a matter of:
1. Reducing shame
2. Creating a supportive environment
3. Setting your mind straight
Here’s a little of what I mean by each of these.
1. Toxic sexual shame is instilled in us at an early age by parents, peers and dysfunctional societal “rules.” But toxic shame can also be layered on later in life as our genitals become less “reliable,” or if we’ve had genital or prostate surgery that reduces our functionality. Releasing ourselves from this shame — as much as we can — is be one of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves and our relationships.
Module 2 of The Stamina Secret is all about working with your shame. I give guys the tools to help them work through their challenging sexual issues.
2. How can you create an environment that gives you the best chance to get your needs met? This absolutely includes making your wife your full ally. You may also need to start thinking outside of the box. Like…. how about watching porn…. with your wife??
I cover Getting Your Needs Met in Module 4, where you discover easy tools that help with building Inner Confidence.
3. Important: Learn to soothe yourself when you come earlier than you’d like, or during other moments of sexual stress. Just as important: Start changing your beliefs about sex. What is pleasure, really? Is there more than one kind of orgasm to have? (I assure you, there is!).
So many of our challenges in the bedroom are a result of negative mental tension. In Module 3, I teach guys to make their minds work FOR them rather than AGAINST them. Imagine so completely soothing your mind around sexual topics that you make your mind your ally instead of your enemy!
4. Don’t give up! But at the same time, don’t get too serious about this journey. Keep exploring, and keep a light heart.
Working with any one of these points can make a difference in your current sex life. Work with two or more — and watch things change fast!
I hope this helps you, Charlie.
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