Here’s an email from Andy, one of our 60 year old members where sex has gotten more difficult than the in last 35 years of his marriage. Linda struggles to have an orgasm and now thinks the LESS they have sex the easier it is for her to climax when they do.
Andy is out of ideas to get his wife to have orgasmic pleasure with him. But I’m not! Read below for my sexy and sage advice which includes getting her desire steamed up partially through a mutual masturbation technique.
CAN SHE MAKE HERSELF COME?
I asked Andy, “Is Linda able to make herself orgasm?” Below is his reply: (go here to read my advice about how to turn this situation around)
I’m certain Linda would view “self-stimulation” as nasty, something “nice girls” would never do. In part, this is why she knows little about her climax problems. To her it all seems a mystery, i.e. “Sometimes you do and sometimes you don’t, sometimes it is a little one and sometimes it’s a good one.” She has no idea why and feels dirty if she tries to find out from books or websites like Personal Life Media. She and I are the same conservative religion but clearly she came out of it with far more issues around sex than I did… and yes, some shame.
I think she feels guilty if she really enjoys or wants sex.
That good girls — especially 60 year olds — aren’t supposed to want sex or enjoy it. We’ve tried to talk about this and she denies having any abuse and cannot explain her hyper-sensitivity to the topic. It is in fact the one topic we cannot discuss without strong negative feelings arising.
Frankly, I’m at a loss, which is why I wrote you. Our issues around sex and satisfaction have gotten worse over the years. Has she ever come easily? I don’t know. She could have gone for months with no climax and would have never told me. You just don’t talk about that kind of thing, even with your husband, so she believes. My efforts to change this have not helped or changed anything. So, she often doesn’t come, which frustrates her and decreases her desire to have sex more often. “It just isn’t working for me,” is how she would explain it, but that’s where it ends. SHe won’t find a specialist or sex therapist, reach out to experts like you or even ask me for my input.
How do we talk effectively about something she doesn’t want to talk about? How do we address a problem she doesn’t have the desire to fix and is not willing to discuss? Am I missing something? Am I asking the wrong questions?
All suggestions are greatly appreciated,
First, the Four Elements of Revival outlined in my excellent, one-of-a-kind program called, Revive Her Drive explain that first you have to overcome her resistance issues, then become more masculine sexually to lead her to pleasure. You begin blending seduction techniques into the way you communicate with her and then bring on some advanced sexual mastery techniques. This continues to be the answer for men like you who write me at their wit’s end. The answer is always the same. 1, 2, 3, 4 – work the Elements of Revival. You and your wife are no different than countless other men who have had success with this process.
I’m going to give you some specifics here.
First of all, at least she’s wiling to have sex with you. That’s an advantage most men don’t have by the time they get to reading and listening to the Revive Her Drive program.
I want you to integrate a combination of taking the lead in pleasuring her with a combination of verbal and physical techniques.
You are going to tell her you want to hold her and love her in bed, and that you are NOT trying to get her to have intercourse with you.
You have the set the frame. This is loving, erotic, sensual intimacy. And you are going to tell her it’s going to happen. You are in control. A firm hand of masculine leadership is key here.
A couple nights a week I want you to get your hands on her and get her to relax and let you make her feel good. I’m talking about holding her, hugging her, stroking her body, massaging her and telling her verbally what you love about her, respect about her, appreciate about her and find sexy about her. Get detailed in your communication. By the way you write, I know you are able to tell her things you find irresistible about her.
Don’t worry about making her come at this point.
Remember “heavy petting?” You are going to work you way up to heavy petting over a matter of sessions that could take weeks, depending on her response. Patience is KEY.
Think about her like a little puppy you are training to enjoy getting petted.
Make the room nice, get cozy, and just relax and enjoy being intimate and close. Pet your pretty puppy until she’s wagging her tail.
Over time, start giving her genital massages, working from the outside in. Use the Zone Theory Sheri and I teach in Revive Her Drive to know how to slowly get her wanting you to be more sexually erotic in your petting. Make sure you warm up some organic coconut oil and have it ready. Start with body massages and over time, get closer and closer to her inner thighs, her butt — but don’t touch her genitals.
If you get turned on, suggest that you masturbate afterward in bed beside her without her having to do anything to get you off. Be responsible for your own release the first few times. Let her just see how easy it is for you to make yourself climax. Over time, let her stroke your balls while you masturbate, or add her hand in while you get yourself off. Believe me, this will also get her turned on.
Over time, if you are methodical with this approach, she is going to be wriggling to try to get you to stroke her vulva.
You are essentially masturbating her with your fingers.
When you can tell she wants you to touch her genitals, just continue to take your time and get her fully engorged. Get her outer and inner labia, her mons pubis, her sweet little butt cheeks all eager and begging for your finger to dip inside her vagina. Spend time stroking circles around her clitoris. Go above, below, around — even up above the hood. Notice how you are getting her plump and full of blood.
Then suck on her nipples and squeeze them as you are stroking her genitals. Kiss her. French kiss her. But still don’t stick your fingers inside.
It’s going to be too much for her to resist and you are inevitably going to make her come. Especially if the whole time you are doing this, you are telling her how much you love her, adore her and specifically what you find sexiest about her.
Once you can reliable give her orgasms with your fingers, you’ll be able to warm her up like this as much as you both have time for. Your sex life will take off like a rocket.
Name this sweet time together some moniker you both like. “Sexy Strokey Time.” “Snuggle Time.” “Our Time.” Whatever creates intimacy between you two.
She needs to feel completely supported and encouraged to explore her feminine sexual potential with you, her man, leading and guiding her.
Soon when you mention that tonight she’s going to get some Sexy Strokey Time, she’ll be wagging her tail. Just the mention of your special attention will start getting turned on. Her nipples will ache for your touch. Her pussy will start drawing you in.
Let me know how it goes for you and if you hit any roadblocks.
Pet The Puppy,
P.S. Lack of experience is one of the main reasons Linda isn’t coming like a freight train, Andy. I highly recommend my friend, Gabrielle Moore’s new video series called, Naked University. They are the most wholesome sex technique videos I’ve seen recently and are being released this coming week. Get on the list now to check out the video series.
When Tim and I began our journey back to sexual intimacy together, we relied partially on watching these kind of sex ed videos together. Naked University is the next generation of couples sex ed videos. Go now to watch the video on
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