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“I was orgasmically challenged most of my life,” says Polly.

“I was orgasmically challenged most of my life,” says Polly.

Orgasmically Challenged? [Polly Story #3]

Polly Story #1 Sex Party Goers Teach Passionate Lovemaking Techniques

Kinky People: What They Know That You Don’t [Polly Story #2]

Polly Whittaker, author of a new memoir, POLLY: Sex Culture Revolutionary throws a curve ball when admitting that she has been “ orgasmically challenged ” most of her life.

That’s a surprising confession from a woman who mounts frequent group sex parties in San Francisco.

Here are some particularly poignant excerpts from the chapter entitled, “Climax.”


When I started being more honest with my friends about my challenges with y orgasm I realized that many women were having a similar experience as I — far more than I ever expected. I would mention in passing, and their eyes would light up, reaching toward me in gratitude for my honesty. I chatted in a car on a road trip once and discovered four of the five women experienced a similar disconnect from their orgasm.

This realization stunned me: I was normal.

I came to a simple conclusion: I needed to practice more, watch more and learn.

When it’s just girls playing, I don’t have the same concerns as I do when straight men are around. Being with women levels the playing field — nobody’s in it to win it.  When there are cocks in the equation the dynamic shifts. Don’t get me wrong — there are plenty of sensitive men who are an exception to this rule. I love men! But so many of them can be needy, wanting desperately to reach their climactic conclusion and leave with bodies and egos satisfied.

As this story reaches its climax, those same old inadequacies keep coming up. I should give you the money shot. I owe it to you. It’s my failure if I don’t. I should take you to a moment where I’m fixed. Where I am healthy. Where I bring down the house with a screaming orgasm and we can all feel better about our interaction. But this isn’t simply about my orgasm. Sure, as I get older and more connected to my body I experience orgasms more easily. I can get off in just a few minutes if I’ve got my Hitachi Magic Wand. But it’s not about my money shot.

The question that is more important to me is this: why are such a large percentage of women disconnected from their orgasm? Even me — a sex-positive activist with a reassuring sex therapist mother — I still experienced so much shame, it crippled me.

Our culture has taught us that sex is supposed to look a certain way — we watch movies, look at magazines, and read these fantasies. When things don’t turn out like the movies, where sweaty but perfect bodies rock to that moment of mutual climax in just a few minutes, we blame ourselves.

What I’ve discovered on my adventure is that my ability to orgasm is vastly broader than I could have imagined. It’s not simply a short moment in time, a single, fleeting instant. These days, after years of exploration, reading lots of books, and even participating in a few hands on workshops, I have learned to tune into the subtle, stepping stone sensations that radiate through me. It’s like an opening, a surrendering to my capacity for pleasure. They aren’t a release — they build, one on the other, until my entire body is flickering with their energy. From this place I have no greedy desire for an “orgasm,” but occasionally those blissful stepping stones take me to a rolling, timeless climax that can keep going and going. I have yet to find an end to it. So my understanding of orgasm has expanded from a very specific moment in time, attached to a sensation of neediness and fear, to an arc of pleasure and surrender with no end.

Expand Her Orgasm Tonight <=== Video Course of Rolling, Timeless Climax Technique (get three REALLY excellent ebooks introducing the concept of Expanded Orgasm)

I know now that there is absolutely no problem with how long it takes me to orgasm — the only problem is how ashamed I’ve been.

— Polly Whittaker, author of POLLY: Sex Culture Revolutionary, a memoir

Want more? Here’s a link to Polly’s book, Sex Culture Revolutionary on Amazon:


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The comedian Margaret Cho called it “Raw, untamed, emotional beauty–Polly is a true supernova. This memoir is as touching as it is hot, as moving as it is a masterpiece.”

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One Comment

  1. Thanks for writing such an important article Susan! I would love to hear from your female readers if they identify with this issue…please comment about your experiences…

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