“Dissolving Sexual Shame” Exercise [Mailbag]

Scroll down to learn more about handling sexual shame.

Getting your needs met…

Boosting your sexual confidence…

Self-soothing when things don’t work as you’d hoped…

And keeping a light heart.

Here’s a letter from Charlie with a response from Jim Benson, the creator of The ME Breath himself. 

“I can still come, but sometimes it’s too early. Sometimes she can keep sucking and licking the head, but because I don’t have my full sensation anymore due to Peyronie’s Disease, it doesn’t always work.

I have tried the two “medicines” you see advertised all the time, but they don’t always work either.

It’s mostly because, in my mind, I am afraid I will not perform.

If I am alone and watching adult content, I can usually climax. Any ideas?” — Charlie

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I CAN’T FEEL MY DICK WHEN I’M IN YOU 

“Hi Charlie,

Wow, what a challenging journey you’ve been on! You’ve added some mental issues on top of your self-explanatory physical ones. (Not surprising – we all do it!)

What’s most interesting about your story is that you orgasm more regularly when “alone while watching porn.” That tells me that physically, you’re sexually functional. Having more or better orgasms with your wife may just be a matter of:

1. Reducing shame
2. Creating a supportive environment
3. Setting your mind straight
4. Persistence

Here’s a little of what I mean by each of these.

1. Toxic sexual shame is instilled in us early by parents, peers, and dysfunctional societal “rules.” But toxic shame can also be layered later in life as our genitals become less “reliable” or if we’ve had genital or prostate surgery that reduces our functionality. Releasing ourselves from this shame — as much as we can — is one of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves and our relationships.

Module 2, called “Dissolving Sexual Shame,” in my men’s online home study program called Multi-Orgasmic Lover for Men, is all about working with your shame. I give guys the tools to help them work through their challenging sexual issues.

DISSOLVING SEXUAL SHAME

Sexual shame is a big deal. It contributes to both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. It causes men to be nervous in bed, hold back their masculinity, shield their hearts, and block connections.

Most human beings have some form of sexual shame. It’s probably having more impact on your sex life than you realize. Clearing these blocks early will lay a solid foundation for the rest of the program.

In this module, you’ll learn:

➤ The roots of sexual shame and how sexual shame can affect your bedroom experience.

➤ The difference between healthy and toxic shame (and what to do about it).

➤ The five steps to healing sexual shame and breaking out of unhealthy relationship patterns.

➤ What to do about sexual shame right now, without going to therapy for ten years.

2. How can you create an environment that gives you the best chance to meet your needs? This includes making your wife your greatest ally. You may also need to start thinking outside of the box. How about watching porn… with your wife??

I cover Getting Your Needs Met in Module 4, “Sexual Confidence,” where you discover easy tools that help with building Inner Confidence.

Having sexual confidence will improve your sex life in many different ways. Your woman will be more attracted to you. You’ll feel more powerful and be able to use that sense of power to bring more raw “fuck energy” to your lovemaking. Your woman will feel safer in letting go and surrendering to you.

In this module, you’ll learn:

➤ What exactly is sexual confidence? How is sexual confidence created? We’ll deconstruct sexual confidence so that you can create it deliberately, at will.

➤ The difference between internal and external confidence.

➤ How to feel more sexually confident by knowing how to ask for what you want in bed powerfully.

➤ A 15-minute guided visualization that significantly increases your body’s orgasmic capacity.

3. Important: Learn to soothe yourself when you come earlier than you’d like or during other moments of sexual stress. Just as important: Start changing your beliefs about sex. What is pleasure? Is there more than one kind of orgasm to have? (I assure you, there is!).

So many of our challenges in the bedroom result from negative mental tension. In Module 3, “Relaxation and Sex,” I teach guys to make their minds work FOR them rather than AGAINST them. Imagine so completely soothing your mind around sexual topics that you make your mind your ally instead of your enemy!

“Relaxation and Sex,” Module 3 of Multi-Orgasmic Lover for Men, is about physical and mental relaxation. You’ll learn how to relax into an erotic experience deeply. You’ll learn to let go of fear, tension, and blocks that keep you from fully experiencing all the pleasure in the bedroom.

This module is highly experiential. You’ll learn the theory behind relaxation while doing the techniques for yourself, live as you listen to the audio.

In this module, you’ll learn:

➤ Why relaxation is key to lasting longer in bed.

➤ How one simple shift in mindset before having sex can have you lasting twice as long in bed.

➤ As most men are, being “wired to achieve” in bed is detrimental to having great sex. And how to relax, even when you’re trying to be “good in bed.”

➤ The ME Breath is a powerful breathing technique to relax your mind and the muscles that impact ejaculation.

4. Don’t give up! But at the same time, don’t get too serious about this journey. Keep exploring, and keep a light heart.

Working with any one of these points can make a difference in your current sex life. Work with two or more – and watch things change fast!

I hope this helps you, Charlie.” — Jim Benson 

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All information from Susan Bratton, Personal Life Media, The20, and our collective brands are personal opinions. The statements made within this email/website have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These statements and the products of this company are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Always seek consultation from your doctor.