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Sexual Rehab After Surgery

Captivating Stance: Man Holding Pelvis

“Her body has started to trust me again!”

Some time ago, I had an email exchange with a man (I’ll call him Rob) whose wife had lost all interest in sex after surgery. She’d had a complete hysterectomy due to a tumor in her uterus. Afterward, she had little sensation in her genitals and couldn’t experience any sexual pleasure. Plus, she no longer “felt whole.”

Rob felt like he couldn’t “be a man” because almost anything he did would cause her pain. After several rejections, he stopped initiating and turned to porn to get his sexual needs met. He’d all but given up on ever having marital sex again when he reached out to me.

Yesterday, he emailed me with a full progress report. Here’s what happened:


He’s gone from feeling hopeless about his sex life to feeling triumphant because of the role he is playing in his wife’s healing. He was thrilled that her body was actually trusting him again —just like I said it would. His patience and attention brought sensation back into her genitals. She can now experience pleasure again.

Rob followed my suggestion and started by massaging the tissue around her surgical scars. I explained that his “job” was to bring blood circulation back to the damaged areas. The key was to use a very light touch and, over time, use more pressure. But only as she began to want it.

See, after surgery, we need to regrow the nerves in the area. Gentle touch to any tissue that has been cut, cauterized, or traumatized helps the damaged nerves heal. Rub those areas with organic sweet almond, avocado or coconut oil.

Rob followed my advice with his wife. She started looking forward to his daily attention. The massages calmed the tissue so she started feeling sensation again. His loving ministrations made a HUGE difference!

Genital massage is a powerful way for lovers to reconnect after surgery or some other trauma to the sexual organs.

Here’s a quick tutorial on how you can become your lover’s sexual healer.

First, it’s important to understand the four kinds of touch: nurturing, healing, sensual and sexual. Initially, you want to focus on nurturing and healing touch until your lover starts to want more.

Nurturing and healing massage will bring blood to the genitals. The tissue will start to get engorged and your lover will start to enjoy feeling sensual. When they start wanting touch in the more sensitive areas, then and only then, should your touch turn sensual.

If the surgical locations are too sensitive at first, start with a foot massage, neck and shoulder rub, work on your lover’s hands and arms. This will reawaken their body. Enjoy the precious healing moments together.

For a wonderful treat once you get to the sensual massage stage, add breast massage to your time together. Here is my step-by-step plan for a sensual breast massage:

Sensual Breast Massage Master Plan ⇐ She Will Love This

(NOTE: this plan is written as though the receiver is a woman, but works for lovers across the gender spectrum.)

Be sure to play with her entire breasts. Kiss her neck. Stroke her thighs and belly. Make sure you’re not just going for her nipples or you’re likely to get pushed away. The nipples are extremely sensitive and need to be approached s-l-o-w-l-y. Work from the outside in.

Use long, smooth strokes. Really feel her breast tissue under your fingers. Don’t just rub. FEEL into her. When you feed her with this kind of touch she will respond. That’s when you know your lover’s body is starting to trust you.

As her body starts to heal, she will seek you out for comfort and closeness.

When she feels better, you can ask her to give you a genital massage. These are called, “lingam massages” in the Tantric sex world. My Steamy Sex Ed® Video Collection includes two videos on sensual massage for him and her. You can easily learn the best techniques by simply watching and following along.

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Your lover watches and does you. Then you watch and do your lover. Once you learn those basic strokes, you’ll be able to “go freestyle.” You’ll surprise yourself how much pleasure you can give and receive from both touching and being touched.

Slow down and learn erotic massage. The only thing worse than a lover who has terrible massage skills is one who has none.

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