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“Unbearable pelvic pain ruins relationships and sex.” (Mailbag)

“Unbearable pelvic pain ruins relationships and sex.” (Mailbag)


One of the struggles a lot of women have is pelvic pain…

To women who experience this, it feels like a living hell. There’s barely any relief available from conventional medicine and procedures.

Women also experience incontinence, weak orgasms, low libido, and a host of other problems. Not to mention it interferes with your relationship.

A male reader recently sent me an email about his lover’s intense yoni pain. He loves his partner wants to look out for her and prefers natural and effective ways to ease his lover’s pain.

Check out his email and my response below.




It’s been a while since I wrote to you last.  


Our main block was and still is yoni pain.  We have been using organic coconut oil to do yoni massages until the pain gets to be too much for her.  I would love to do this for her every day but sometimes it doesn’t work out. We have been at least doing it 3 times a week for a few weeks now.  Last week it was almost every day.


Her doctor also prescribed her estrogen cream but she has been reluctant to use it. She has said many times that the orgasms don’t feel as good as they used too before our 4th child.  She’s resigned to think she’s broken and can’t be fixed. I’ve been trying to help her see otherwise. She also has told me she has a much lower sex drive than me.


I’m not sure what to do.  I don’t want her to shut down our yoni massages routine (I really enjoy touching her) because she feels like it’s tit for tat.  It’s not like that at all. Once in 3 weeks, I asked for some touch afterward. I’m so confused right now.” — Carter (not his real name)


Hi Carter,

You are doing a fantastic job keeping the flame alive in your sex life. You’ve made incredible progress from her pushing you away and not talking to you giving her multiple yoni massages a week.

These current issues are small hurdles you can easily overcome.

Let’s first address her pain, then address the issue of reciprocal touch.

Is the pain specifically at the opening to her vagina (vaginal sphincter) and inside her vaginal canal? Does the pain occur when you stroke the internal vaginal skin?

Or is this pain more distributed to her whole vulva area or specifically around her clitoris? Does it feel like tight muscles or nerve pain or again, is it the skin inside her vagina that hurts to be touched?

If it’s dry and fragile vaginal mucosa (the skin up inside her vagina) she is likely low on Estrogen. I’d recommend she go to a functional or naturopathic doctor. Have a full hormone panel done, including thyroid and cortisol testing. She is probably in need of estrogen replacement. However, you don’t want to just replace estrogen. Your doctor should be able to balance the estrogen with progesterone and testosterone. They work in concert.

The blood tests that most traditional doctors order are nearly useless. The test I recommend is the DUTCH test. It’s a 4-point dried urine test. She wets four pee strips over 24-hours which shows how well her body is utilizing her hormones.

Then you can get bio-identical estrogen and progesterone. The estrogen cream can be rubbed into the vaginal skin to reverse atrophy. Progesterone she takes at night, often in a sublingual liquid just before bed. It will help her sleep better too.

The testosterone can also be put on the vaginal mucosa and spread around on her clitoris. It’s called, “scream cream” because it returns orgasmic intensity that’s been lost to atrophy from dropping hormones.

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When her vagina is all slippery and wet again, and she can feel the stimulation better, she will be more inclined to have intercourse. The testosterone helps with orgasmic intensity. She will feel more pleasure again.

If it is not the vaginal skin, and she has nerve pain or sharp or dull pain that comes and goes and is just in her general genital area, I recommend she see a pelvic specialist. She could have muscular pain from being too tight that makes it hurt to have sex.

I know a number of pelvic healers, and there are some in your area. But I also like the Pelvic Pain Academy do-it-yourself at home version by Isa Herrera. Isa makes vaginas happy again by teaching you two how and what to do to reverse pelvic pain.

She is having a live, online event June 12th and 13th. Your wife can ask questions on the webinar. Isa is truly a miracle worker. Please sign up for and watch this webinar one of those two nights. The faster you two can pinpoint the causes of her discomfort, the faster you can fix it.

You CAN solve these pain issues with her and God bless you for being such a supporter of your wife’s health.

Let me know how this goes.

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