Isn’t NOW a perfect time to learn a new sexual skill like having an Expanded Orgasm practice together?
Over the years, I’ve been fortunate to have thousands of intimate conversations with men and women about their sex lives.
Sometimes, we talk about wives and girlfriends, their behaviors, and their motivations. At other times, I offer education about sexual anatomy and specific techniques to increase a woman’s desire.
Sometimes the conversation centers on specific relationships: one-night stands, younger men dating “cougars,” non-monogamous or “monogamish” relationships. I often talk to men who married their first and only love 50 years ago but haven’t had sex in a decade. People consistently want to know everything about their genitalia and partners.
I feel blessed when people confide in me their thoughts, feelings, challenges, and fears. Over the years, I’ve heard intimate stories from hundreds of men and women who poured their hearts out and asked me questions they were too embarrassed or ashamed to ask anyone else.
It is satisfying beyond measure to feel their trust when they only know me through our online programs, articles, and videos.
Again, I am touched by the intimate love a man feels for his woman — how deeply he wants to please her, how thrilled he is when his woman shares her body and surrenders to pleasure.
I am repeatedly saddened by men’s lack of sexual confidence in their ability to satisfy their partners. For many men, fear and shame destroy their ability to connect deeply with their lover and reach the heights of passion they sense is possible.
The causes of fear and shame are varied: poor modeling from parents, societal oppression, religious guilt, or outright inaccurate information about sex. I applaud authors and bloggers who have created an open dialog by sharing their experiences and getting honest about human sexuality.
For the most part, individuals interested in receiving accurate information and long for loving connection and erotic fulfillment have quite a bit stacked against them.
But those called to develop sexual intelligence, who cannot rest until they become skillful lovers, find their way to sex-positive teachers like me. Like Jim Benson, Jaiya Ma, Sheri Winston, and Emily Nagoski, all of whom are dedicated to guiding people to embrace and express their sexual power.
If you are reading this article, you are among a small percentage of people who actively educate themselves to have a fulfilling sex life. I celebrate the eager learners who commit to a path of personal growth, especially the kind of growth that can only happen in the crucible of a relationship. These relationships bring out the best in you and transform you into the loving, heart-centered, compassionate person you were born to be.
In addition to my intimate conversations with men, I read every new book on sex, keep up with the latest studies, conduct my research, and interview various authors and sex educators. Their specialties range from female anatomy and arousal to passionate marriage and succulent sex craft.
In many conversations with individuals and professionals, a common theme emerges for men and women who struggle with unmet desire: not enough sexual self-confidence.
I would go so far as to say that a lack of self-confidence is at the root of nearly every sexual issue.
So how do you work through and resolve this problem? Scroll down for the seven most powerful ways to increase your sexual self-confidence.
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SEXUAL JOY
- Awareness
Become aware of insecure feelings, look for the underlying reason for your lack of confidence, and address your fears head-on. It is likely they stem from shame or a simple lack of knowledge. Then find a workaround or a way to remove your limiting beliefs by educating yourself.
- Education
It is easy to resolve a lack of knowledge by studying human sexuality. Learn how it works physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Learn the ins and outs of sexual anatomy and technique. Learn communication skills that will allow you to connect with your lover. These will increase your confidence and lay a strong foundation for passion and rapture.
- See a sex therapist or tantra teacher who can help you overcome shame
For some people, shame is a powerful block that freezes their sexuality and makes it all but impossible to enjoy their erotic side. Although it is possible to work through shame with a loving partner, professional help can make partnering up less challenging.
- Evoke your Masculinity or Femininity
When you cultivate your masculine energy as a man or your feminine energy as a woman, you naturally feel more sensually connected to yourself and more appealing to others. Become the man who can protect and provide for your woman. Fully jump into your feminine nature and share your womanliness with your man. Polarity will feed on itself and naturally grow your confidence as a man or woman.
- Practice
Have more sex. Get experienced. If you’re single, have SAFE sex, making sure you are completely upfront with each lover about your sexual history and current and recent partners. Get tested regularly and use the best practices for safe sex.
If you’re in a monogamous relationship, experiment with various techniques and positions. Learn new activities with each other. For example, schedule Erotic Playdates together. There are 21 sexy ideas for Erotic Playdates in Expand Her Orgasm Tonight that teach you the fundamentals of orgasmic expansion and peaking and touching for the rapture. The foundations of sexual knowledge contained in this program will dramatically increase your sexual self-confidence.
- Beginner’s Mind
Most important is how you approach developing self-confidence in the bedroom. The key is to let go of performance and learn to be present simply. Practice the “beginner’s mind” and give yourself and your partner permission to live with the question instead of having all the answers. Open yourselves to trial and error. Remember: there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. Practice, practice, practice – it is the path to mastery. And I promise you will have a lot of fun along the way.
- Positive Self-Talk and Sexual Leadership
Identify negative self-talk and shift your thoughts to focus on what feels good in the moment. Be sweet, forgiving, and loving to yourself as you stumble and learn and increase your skills. Nobody knows how to have great sex until they try. Why do you think you should already KNOW? Experiment and make a pact with your partner to be gentle, honest, and encouraging. Men, leading your woman will help both of you develop more sexual confidence. This is so important that I asked my mentor and friend, Dr. Patti, to write a book on her approach, The 4 Keys to Seduction. It’s part of the Revive Her Drive program.
Once you gain experience and improve your sexual confidence, you will drive up your win rate and start to experience a truly fulfilling sex life.
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Check Out Revive Her Drive ⇐ Bring Back And Ignite Passionate Romance
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One Response
I find your articles and eBooks very skillfully written.With practice with my wife/girlfrinds,I intend to give you a feedback of the joy I drive from sex snd overall my experience from women.