Spongy and Draggy + Four Kinds of Touch
This is an excerpt from Susan Bratton’s (the CEO of our company) upcoming Seduction Summit program. In this interview with the fascinating Sheri Winston, she and Sheri talk about different kinds of touches.
Susan relates two touch strategies she learned from Dr. Patti Taylor’s free ebook, Touch for Rapture (get it here).
Susan Bratton: When you’re saying if you’re touching my thigh and you’re only doing it to get into my pants versus touching it for the pure exquisite beauty of touching it, there are two types of touching strokes that Patti has been explaining to me, and they might help men get more into that touch, that moment of opening with a woman.
Dr. Patti says there are millions of kinds of strokes, but specifically there are two categories of strokes that especially well in communicating with your partner when they’re doing something to you that you don’t exactly like and you want to give them some feedback, but you don’t want to make them feel badly; draggy and spongy.
And when you’re touching a woman’s thigh and you’re doing a draggy stroke on it, and you’d be touching any part of her, the draggy stroke is a time/space stroke where you are, not only thinking about where your fingers just were, but where they are right now and where they’re going. You’re remembering the actual experience of the stroke, the touch that you’re giving. It makes that, the attention that you have to put on noticing the stroke, makes the stroke a more connected stroke between the two of you and a better stroke you can deliver.
Sheri Winston: What’s the spongy one?
Susan Bratton: Spongy is when – and sometimes this is if there’s clitoral fatigue, too much pressure, too much rubbing in one spot – a woman can say to her lover “Can you go spongy?” And spongy is an expansion of the touch.
All of the sudden your hand or your lips or whatever it might be, they’re like pulling up into a puffing, into a sponge that allows you to just deliver a bigger more open wide lighter more feeling it in the edges of your skin, and it changes things up because there is no such thing as a spongy touch. So what it does is it gives you a way to slowly with a lot of continuity of your touch just, you don’t pull your hands off and start over, you just adjust the touch so that it just feels like it has more expansiveness to it. And women tend to like that feeling of expansiveness, as well as that draggy feeling of the other touch. I don’t know if that helps guys or not, but those were helpful for my husband and I in our Expanded Orgasm practice.
Sheri Winston: I do a lot of work with touch. In fact, one of my original trainings is as a massage therapist, so I do a lot, lot, lot of stuff with touch, and I think it’s, again, one of the areas in our culture that many people haven’t really learned about all of the languages of touch and the wonderful vocabulary of touch we can develop.
Since we’re on the touch subject, I think there are four basic languages of touch.
There’s touch that makes us feel nurtured and accepted.That’s the kind of touch that we would give a baby and it’s completely non-sexual.
There’s therapeutic touch, touch that’s there for healing.
There’s sensual touch, touch that’s just designed to delight our senses and helps us move into our sensual trance.
And then there’s sexual touch, touch that’s specifically designed to arouse and stimulate.
And part of what happens with partners is we tend to not get this whole spectrum of touching from our partners. And when we do it really enhances things.
The nurturing touch; everybody needs the nurturing touch sometimes, and it’s really important to create trust with a partner that sometimes we can get that nurturing touch and it is completely non-sexual, and it needs to be, right.
It’ll get ruined if you’re being cradled by your partner and being parented by your partner, if then your partner grabs your boob for example, right, ‘cause that’s more like the incest kind of transgressive touch and that ruins it.
But creating times when we’re touching in just that nurturing way, that can transition to another kind of touch, the therapeutic touch, the “Oh your shoulders are tight.”
And they say one of the great forms of foreplay that’s often left out is massage, where it’s been a long day, my neck hurts and if my partner says, “Hey, why don’t you get on the massage table for 20 minutes and let me just unkink your neck,” that is so hot. People do not understand that taking care of me in that way is going to help me feel safe, it’s going to help me relax and release. And then I’m much more likely to want to move into a more playful and erotic touch. And then the sensual touch is what gets us into our trance state. The sensual touch is another really important ingredient, and all that can be a foundation for the sexual touch.