Why Russell Couldn’t "Close the Deal"

I may have told you I’m scouting for a new lover. (I love saying that. It makes me smile inside.)

You know, if you’ve been reading my blog, that I love a threesome with two men.* It’s called an “MFM.” (Male, Female, Male) An MFM means both guys are straight and they like working together to pleasure a woman.

I want our lover to get in sync with my husband and get along really well. If you’ve listened to my Empowerment of a Threesome, you will hear some of the many reasons I adore being the center of attention during a triad. And why that’s so hot for the two men too. And that I want a lover with whom we can keep having dates so we all three get better and better coordinated, comfortable and see where our turn-on can go.

We had a lover for five beautiful dates who is now in a full-time, monogamous relationship, which is why I’m scouting for a replacement.

So, I’ve been having meet-and-greets with a few men, sizing them up as potential lovers. I have a very specific screening process that takes into account their emotional maturity, their financial solidity (they need to have their shit together), their level of sexual experience (can they manage a threesome?), their physical health and body image, (bring paperwork) and my interest in them as a whole package.

I got a text from Russell. I had met him at an event and given him my number. I liked interacting with him and he is single, has nice “flair,” and is intelligent. He runs in a crowd of open-minded people and I thought he might be a candidate in my lover search.

So I texted back. Set up a time to meet for a drink.

It surprised him when I told him I was married, of course. I explained that I have a sensually-flexible marriage. (I don’t like monikers like “open” or “polyamorous” as they are charged words, loaded with meaning, that may not be applicable to my specific relationship values and agreements.)

He agreed to meet. Why not? It’s fascinating, yes? And I’m a palpably turned-on woman. That’s sexy. Irresistible…

So we have a couple drinks, good conversation and he walks to me to my car, even sits inside my car for a last conversation… and no kiss.

I noticed that I was the one that sat close to him during drinks. He was letting me make any moves that were happening.

I figured he wasn’t really interested.

No worries. That’s why you have drinks and get to know a person.

He texted the next day.

I explained that I didn’t think there was “anything there.”

He disagreed and said he was just “taking his time.”

OKAY.

That’s reasonable.

We scheduled another get together at a local live music venue (we both like to dance). I was running a little late, texting him my updates. When I arrived, I could tell he was peeved. He hadn’t checked his phone.

So I said, “I’m late. I’m sorry. I texted you. I am not often late and always live up to my commitments. Please let go of your upset and let’s have a good time, now that I am here. Can you do that?”

He tried, but I felt his distance. He didn’t grab me up when we danced.

A number of acquaintances of mine were at this live music venue. They all came up and hugged me and were very solicitous. Probably about 8 different people said hello and were very warm and loving to me.

Still Russell was distant. I think he considers it “respectful,” if I had to guess. But I felt that if my friends were modeling hugs and sweet connections, he could also follow suit. Obviously I’m very demonstrative.

So the music was over, I said goodbye. He walked me to my car. Peck on the lips. Drove away.

Well, Russell. You totally blew it.

Where is your masculine energy? Why does it seem you are afraid to be close? You couldn’t grab me up and tell me how beautiful I looked? How you were so glad I finally arrived? How you were looking forward to dancing. How you appreciated the opportunity to get together again?

You could have said, “Damn you, Sloane! You are late and I’ve been so excited to see you. And now you are here and I’m going to let that go and thank you for the apology – I know you had a busy day and I’m just glad to see you.”

You could have grabbed me and hugged me. You could have told me how great I looked. You could have whirled me across the dance floor.

But you didn’t. You acted scared. You didn’t interact with my friends when I introduced you.

Gong! <sound of a gong resonating>

Two strikes, Russell. You are out.

You had two chances to give me your masculine energy, to have me feel your desire, to tell me what you found exciting to me, to hug me, kiss me, connect with me, connect with my friends, show enthusiasm.

Gong!

Moral of the story, guys?

Women like to, need to, want to be desired by you. If we have to exert the effort to show you we want you, it’s not worth the trouble. You are the leader. Take the lead.

Get over your pissy fit, get over your insecurities. Wonder if she wants to kiss you? Kiss her! See what happens.

Connect with her friends like you care about her life.

Tell her she looks beautiful when she’s dressed up for you.

Snuggle her close. Hold her hand. Treat her like a beautiful woman.

Whether you learn from David Deida or our Seduction Summit experts, if you are not “closing the deal” with the frequency you’d like, I suggest you examine your behavior.

If you are not getting the quality and quantity of great sex and deep intimacy you crave in your life, look at yourself first.

I was a ripe fruit, there for the plucking. Russell had everything to gain. And he squandered it because he couldn’t bring his positive masculine energy to our relating.

If you think I’m being harsh, I understand. But it’s the reality. Women want to be desired. We want you to lead. If you don’t believe this tell me why. I want to know what your beliefs are.

*Why not a woman? Because I like to be the center of attention and have all that masculine energy to play with. I’m not opposed to threesomes with another woman, but I have found two things that prevent it from being as delightful for me. First, women have a lot more emotional energy to manage and it takes away from the passion that can be kindled compare to two men who are more willing to go where their turn-on leads them. They are less afraid of passion, in my limited experience. Secondly, women are mostly bi-curious, not bi-sexual, so I haven’t had the luck of finding a woman who can meet me sensually in abandon and connection. I hold out hope, but haven’t yet had the same juicy experience with a threesome with another woman vs. the pleasure I get from making love to two men. My sexual proclivities are always evolving, so you can expect that I’ll share any changes with you as long as you post nice comments and make this blogging pursuit interactive and worthwhile for me to continue.

With love,
Sloane Fox