"I Think She Considers Manual Stimulation To Be Wrong" [Mailbag] Expand Her Orgasm Tonight
Patti and Susan,
I’ve previewed each lesson within Expand Her Orgasm Tonight, including the audio and videos, and so far the manual manipulation just irritates her.
She seems to get turned on when I place my leg between hers and let her guide to the right amount of pressure & pleasure.
If I try to evade penetration by suggesting I turn her on some more, but she gets angry.
What’s a guy to do?
We went to a nice hotel and I tried to go through the lesson, but she circumvented my plan.
I think she considers the manual stimulation to be masturbation and ultimately wrong. (Scared to bring up squirting orgasms as she might have me committed.)
First of all, I want to commend you for leading your woman into unknown territory. You are a truly wonderful man and lover for her, even if she doesn’t yet recognize this wonderful attribute of yours.
It’s a lot to move a woman toward her sensual awakening.
You are learning. You are asking questions. You are dealing with her pushback and rejection. And you have the VISION it’s going to take to get her from where she is now, kicking and screaming and trying to go back to her comfort zone… to the future pleasure of her multiple, expanded orgasms and hours of pleasuring together.
You go, D! We are all behind your success.
If she’s getting mad when you try to touch her with your fingers, then you need to back up, slow down and get her buy-in and comfort with trying something new like this.
Also, can you consider thinking about Expanded Orgasm in terms of “genital pleasuring” instead of “manual manipulation?” Even that small change in perspective on your end can do a world of wonders on what she’s feeling when you touch her…
If she’s seeking to go right back to you putting your leg between hers and putting pressure on her that way, she’s doing a fall back routine to stay in her comfort zone. To get turned on and come for you. She is in a goal-oriented mind set.
(By the way, that pressure on her mons and outer labia actually engorge her vestibular bulbs. Please read this blog post for more information about how to make this even better, since it’s something she likes.)
Back to Expanded Orgasms. In order to learn this together, you need to support her in letting go of goals. She’s trying to come. So she’s putting up a fuss about manual manipulation because you are not yet trained to know how to touch her for pleasure in this way and more importantly, she’s not trained yet to feel this as pleasure.
That’s WHY you’re doing the Expand Her O 21-day program! To both “begin as beginners” and add some new zest to your sex life. Keep that in mind.
Start with the idea of the Sandbox Dates. This is learning. New experiences. New sensations. Finding your way to pleasure together, using verbal skills and bio feedback to dial in what feels good to her.
Because she likes that knee in her Yoni, you might want to put the flat of your palm on her mons and labia and just hold it there and experiment with different kinds of pressure and stroking and smooth flat wipes of your hand. (use organic massage oil like avocado or similar) But that kind of pressure will bring her down, not take her up, ultimately.
What you want is for her to feel emotionally, rationally, mentally comfortable with you giving her a genital stroking session. So what will you need to do to prepare her so she can stop resisting and falling back into the same old routines, just trying to come and get it over with?
Your #1 goal is to slow her down.
Get her comfortable.
Get her in her body, just feeling what’s pleasurable first.
Get her used to you touch her genitals. Don’t even worry about the “right strokes” or trying to give her an orgasm at all.
A woman whose genitals are turned on can literally have an orgasm without any stroking, or even just a light hand on her mound. It’s not about technique as much as it is about comfort and arousal.
Start much smaller, more slowly, get her understanding that this is sensual play time, not a date to make her come. Get her off that goal!
If she thinks you are just masturbating her, she’s going to keep resisting. Move it out of orgasm and into pleasure as a construct to start.
She wants to please you, D. I know she is trying and this is a lot for her. She’s hurrying you and herself out of fear and lack of experience.
You must stay strong, be her man. Lead her. Comfort her. Settle her. Relax her. Give her LOTS of good feedback. Like this:
“Baby, thank you so much for trying this new technique with me.
I love to be with you and to have my hands on you.
Let’s just have fun together. Let’s just make this a play date. No goals.
You look so beautiful to me. I am so happy you’re my woman and you’re willing to try things with me. I feel so lucky and alive.
I want you to feel so much pleasure. Thank you for giving me any feedback you can. I appreciate it all. There is no failure for me, only feedback.
Let’s make this an erotic journey together with no goals other than fun and connection and pleasure, ok? Will you stay with me, darling?