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Oral Sex Tip: “She Feels That Oral Sex Is Dirty And Can’t Have More Than One Orgasm” [Mailbag]

Oral Sex Tip: “She Feels That Oral Sex Is Dirty And Can’t Have More Than One Orgasm” [Mailbag]

“I love her dearly but I need an oral sex tip from you… She has never reached a level of orgasm from oral or hand play. In fact she has told me more than once that she feels dirty when I’m giving her oral and can’t relax. During sex she also reaches a physical limit after she climaxes once, in many ways she’s like a guy and can’t even try again for another hour.” — Rick

Dear Rick, I am so touched by your heartwarming story. I want to give you an oral sex tip you can really use. This is a sex tip that will serve you well no matter if you apply it to oral sex or any kind of new lovemaking you might want to experience that is not yet on your lady’s target list. And yes, I see where it is frustrating for you! You have been a great guy for wanting to give your lady pleasure and … wow! … she hasn’t fit the mold of other more receptive, even hot lovers of the past. And yet you adore or even love her and want to make it great with her. So keep this in mind. I have been where she is too. Many women have. Maybe not exactly. But in many ways, I, and so many other women have had to struggle with so much programming, hidden as well as open, about sexuality. It’s “dirty,” or “for marriage only,” or… There are many subliminal messages out there that hold women back from their pleasure. Did I mention, these messages often start from a very young age? What made the difference for me, and what I want to show you (as well as teach valiant men like you of which there are many who truly want to give their beloveds more pleasure is this:

Don’t ever stop being her hero.

 

Let her know in all sorts of ways, that you find oral beautiful and sexy. Have her take a sexy bath and make a small offer to “taste” her and revel in this joy, and build on that. And reassure her that you enjoyed it. And let her know, after the date, how pretty she looked “down there”… you get the drift. Let her know that feeling her with your hands is a joy and privilege beyond words. Before, during and after. Don’t stop letting her know. Even if she is shy and seems to resist. Blanket her in appreciation. You get the drift? Be patient. This is not a short term operation, but a journey. Think: Small reassurances. Small exposures. Watch videos on Expanded Orgasm and DOing together and talk about it. Ask if you can “play doctor” or take an evening and just give without having to receive. Some evening, try this: Don’t touch here there but go very, very close and see if she asks you to go further! (let her know going further is her option!) Get her really, really engorged so that she relaxes. She might just have some initiative on her own! In time she will have a new language, a new reality, one in which what her background says, is one thing, and what you tell her, show her, and do and give to her is another. Trust and pleasure will be built. Be patient and she will feel this. Am I asking a lot from you? Probably yes.

I am asking you to be her hero.

I know my husband, and many other lovers, did this for me, and brought me deep out of my shell of fear and shame, and it’s only from their love, patience, and skill that I am here today. My heart overflows in love, gratitude, turn-on, and even lust for the men they are. Today I am a both a kitten and a tiger and everything in between. I am so grateful to all the men who have been my heroes. But yes, it is a work in progress, so I also suggest, learn to love every moment of her opening, of the intimacy, of her being where she is. Kiss her shell to little bitty pieces and let her know you want to invite her to open like a flower. From what it sounds, there is a ton of pure woman underneath her shell, waiting for you, her Prince Charming. Go for it! It may take much sooner than you ever dreamed, once you are not in a hurry (go figure.) I’ve seen this story a hundred times, with incredibly happy endings. And the rewards may surprise you … on every date, no matter how slowly you proceed … as well as for many years to come. Orgasms can come when you are pleasuring her properly, and when she is relaxed. I can’t say if this will come in a week or a month or three or six. But you are on the path. Soon she may feel good about self-exploration (that would help too). In this domain, I have been continuously surprised at what is possible when the love, patience, and skills are all there. I have great expectations of fun sexy loving for you both. In order to have the perfect tools to accompany my suggestions, I assume you will master these critical lovemaking skills: (remember, you have to learn, you are not born knowing – being her sexual hero means you have to do some personal growth with your sexual skills)

With love,
Patricia Taylor

5 Comments

  1. good

  2. its really good.

  3. Dr. Pattie displays great empathy, understanding, wisdom, patience and encouragement. One can understand why so may people look to you for help and guidance through their most intimate and vulnerable moments. I am another husband who shares Rick’s desire
    even passion to help his wife blossom sexually like a beautiful flower and enjoy her innate feminine sexuality which is an awesome and even spiritual experience for both. I wonder if Dr. Pattie could elaborate on this quote from her comments:

    … “learn to love every moment of her opening, of the intimacy, of her being where she is. Kiss her shell to little bitty pieces and let her know you want to invite her to open like a flower.”

  4. Himileagejim,

    to elaborate on my comment, here goes.

    Too often, men (as well as women, but, we’re focusing on guys right now) have this fantasy about what constitutes a perfect sexy woman.

    She is perky, enthusiastic, eager, and all things positive.

    In real life? We’re messy. As a woman opens, emotions can flood out. Or get stuck.

    Our tumescence (sexual energy) will build and sharp words might arise instead of turned on phrases.

    These events (and more of the difficult things) are part of the same package that contains the wild tigress, the sexy sultry babe, the purring kitten, and all the other lovely and hot things you are dreaming for and craving in us ladies.

    The more you can accept… and even cherish… all of what arises as your women truly and deeply opens up her sexuality… the more of the good stuff you will get too.

    Sexuality is a lifelong evolving path. It’s not all sweetness and light.

    Handled well, with a knowing, caring man, opening to a women’s sexuality sure is a lot of fun — and potentially very powerful too!

    A woman will love a man for being her hero – staying by her, and not running away, as she reveals all of her many sides to him.

    So do that inviting for her to open… with no expectations about what emerges. Simply plan to love all of her emotional releasing, and you can expect her to keep opening into your truly loving acceptance.

    thanks for asking!

    Dr Patti

  5. I m Really Eager to do that ….But i m as a Unmarried Right now also

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