Susan, I feel that telling my wife I’m unhappy because we don’t have enough sex may be a bit risky in my case because I sense my wife would find that somewhat confrontational and think I’m too conceited and perhaps selfish centering only on my needs.
It needs to be more stealth, if you know what I mean. I doubt very much if I can do very much to get her to make much adjustments to her workaholic tendencies, being the perfectionist she is and the demanding stress of her job, unless she quits on her own. She’s been like this even before we got married and we’ve been married for 24 years…
Btw, I’d say her sex drive had decreased significantly after she gave birth.
She once remarked she lacks the energy as she gets older. I’d be happy with any stealth suggestions.
Thanks again.
James
James,
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by asking your wife for what you need.
I know this is painful to hear, but perhaps you need to focus on recreating polarity in your relationship, especially in the bedroom? Your fear of dealing with this head on is holding you back permanently from finding a solution, a compromise, a work around.
For most women, they are bored with their man but could never tell you. The sex isn’t that good for her so she’s just not interested. It’s been too long and her Yoni has gone to sleep. And, after a while, when she’s controlling the sex, that means you get none, or little, and she is angry inside because you are not leading her.
Your wife’s workaholic tendency is simply more of her controlling the situation instead of you. If she put you first, instead of her work, and knew how important sex was to you, wouldn’t she consider making time for you?
Carlos Xuma would likely tell you to, “grow a pair” and be unafraid of fall out because you need to resolve this.
It’s not selfish to want to have a great sex life with your woman. It’s not selfish to figure out how to lead her into pleasure.
Have you studied the materials? Did you watch the webinar about Love Chemicals?
That’s why she doesn’t want sex after babies.
Until you start taking charge and get her sensually reawakened, you are not going to get anywhere.
You are doing BOTH of you a disservice by not taking control and figuring this out.
So she gets mad.
Let her.
Those are her natural defenses to keep the status quo, Jamie.
You need to ask her for the truth. Why doesn’t she want to have sex with you? Bored? Not good sex? Your breath? She’s tired? She feels fat?
Get it out on the table and start overcoming her resistance issues, start romancing her, awakening her senses, have Sandbox Dates with her as well as lovemaking dates, see what her Relationship Values are and start satisfying her.
With Love,
Susan Bratton
6 Responses
What if you’ve done all of that and the situation still hasn’t changed? For me it’s been so long I’ve developed a resentment towards her and have thought about looking outside the marriage for sexual release.
I agree with your approach except for one major thing. Most women are deficient in hormones especially testosterone. (If they are on the pill). It will be a big cause of this problem. Just rule it out on both sides before.
This is one of the great problems of understanding your wife from the start – if only we had this info then eh! You could be as Carlos Xuma would say, in a relationship with a woman who is simply self centred ans self destructive so she will suck you dry! OR she is still shy and does not want to be seen as a slut, so as Susan says you NEED TO take the lead and man up as Carlos says – otherise as D Shade might suggest, she is simply not a sexual woman and although some say every woman can be sexual – I would disagree with this in women who were damaged in their early years. Calle Zorro would say everyone can change and in most part I would agree with this, but some severely damaged women need that Authority frame just to survive their day at work and do not know how to leave it at the door when they come home, especially if she is a plodder rather than a smart person. So an idea might be to let her lead in your direction if she needs to be the one in control, play up to her leader qualities with compliments about how strong she is and so on, this should go some way to get her to touch you. Sadly if she hasnt been touching you from the early, at what point do you really think she will! YOU have allowed this to happen. I know because it happened to me too and found great help from Susan and co in dealing with and understanding I just married a beautifully brilliant but very emotionally damaged great mom and wife who is great at everything but what happens in bed – YOU need to lead this whther it is making her feel good about about herself as a boss or taking control – man up and deal with the consequences. Heres the thing – it ll happen with her next man too and he might not be as decent as you!
Wil,
I know you struggle with this and have your good and bad days. Thank you for weighing positively and letting our readers know that great sex is theirs to have or lose.
Love,
Susan
I get a good amount of sex that I lead but I can’t get her to want to pleasure me. I give oral several times a month and I’m lucky to get once. I have tried not saying anything and saying something n I feel like she’s put out to give back. How do I get her to give on her own and really surprise me? I also get her to the point where she says I’m going to pee everywhere if I continue giving oral pleasure last time I got a towel n said then pee but I lost the sensation that she was having. Need help and or advice too.
Hi Ben,
Read this.
The Oral Sex Solution.
Susan