I am shy about talking to a woman. How do I communicate romantically?

Hi Susan!

Just wanted to really thank you for a very informative interview you gave with Adam from Ignite the Spark! You stood out from the rest also with your free gifts! I can see that by helping us men, that you are also helping women at the same time too. “Win Win”.  : )

I have few questions that maybe you’re able to “enlighten” me with?

I’m 38 and single. Never had a girlfriend.  Why?  Because in the past, I was really shy growing up with a stutter. So I didn’t want to take the risk of rejection. But I’ve improved a lot and also done a few speech courses as well as joining “Toast Masters”.

Experts say that “communication” is the key to win a woman’s heart.  I know, this can’t just be “normal communication” their talking about because sharing and talking about one another’s interests or dreams or maybe even everyday talk like work, studies and hobbies is not going to win her.  There must be some other form of communication that gets her to desire you?  Maybe somehow raising or getting her emotions involved??   I know being “present” and “listening” helps but is there more?

I met a girl while I was traveling in Estonia for a few weeks. We had 6 great dates and 3 Skype sessions after I got back to my country. There were no nerves on my part because I had no expectations or outcomes and she told me later that talking with me felt very easy and felt comfortable for her too.  She even asked me for the 5th date before I got a chance.

Of course 6 dates is not enough for most women to be sure about their feelings.  How do I help her to be “more sure’ of her feelings toward me?

She’s really a very nice, genuine kind lady with a great easy going personality with a very romantic heart.

I invited her to meet me in Bali for 10 days but she said that, though its true that’s one of her dream places to visit. She wants to visit Bali  only with someone she “knows well” and that she’s prefer me to visit her in her town instead.

Thank you Susan for listening and reading my email. I can only imagine you get loads.  Thank you in advance though.

Kind regards

Andy : )

Hi Andy,
Thank you for your kind compliments regarding my Spark talk with Adam Gilad.

I have two thoughts for you in response to your question.

The first is that there are many forms of communication that do not require words or the need to be particularly articulate.

You can communicate with touch, with acts of love, with texting and writing, with gifts, with acceptance and of course, with listening.

Here’s a perfect example. One of my girlfriend’s favorite boyfriends ever is a man of few words, but he is a glorious writer of sensual and romantic expressions of his love that he texts to her throughout the day. They have a hot, steamy relationship that is anchored in their physical connection and supported by his texts where he worships her with words. She feels his love. She feels so special. And the only time he is particularly verbal is during sex when he whispers to her how beautiful she is, how much he adores her. They enjoy their quiet space in each other’s presence, talking only when called to do so. And their relationship is magical in every way.

Just be yourself and use the talents you have.

As the great Marcus Buckingham says, use your strengths and forget about the rest. Your strengths are all you need. Everyone has them, find yours and leverage them to the max. Become the master of your strengths.

And here’s my second thought, Andy.

Go visit your Estonian girl.

If you have the money to fly to Bali, go to see her in Estonia instead.

She is testing you.

She wants to see what she’s worth to you and if you are serious.

Go.

Enjoy.

Take 10 days and enjoy the living hell out of each other. Make magical moments. Immerse yourselves in each other.

And if she’s great, you’ll end up in Bali next time.

And if it’s not a match, at least you tried.

The Law of Action – take it.

And date multiple women too. [Here’s my blog post on the reasons why you should date multiple women.] Don’t expect Miss Estonia to be “your everything.” Get some practice. Date around. Find those women who love the spaciousness you offer by not being a chatty guy.

Carpe Diem, Andy.

Let us know how you go.

With love,
Susan Bratton