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Why Do Men and Women Cheat?

Women are biologically driven by two competing desires.

“He has glorious ambitions to give her seven kinds of orgasms in seven different positions if she’ll allow him.”

This is an excerpt from the “Lost Chapter” (the publisher deemed it too risqué) of Arielle Ford’s new book, “Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate.”

turn your mate into your sexual mate



This chapter is about how to turn your mate into your ‘sexual soulmate’, and here’s one of Arielle’s first questions:


Arielle: It is wonderful to finally get to talk to you Susan. So are men and women really from different planets when it comes to their sexual needs and how they fulfill them?

Susan: Here’s what’s fascinating… men through the eons have been hard wired for “sperm competition.” It is the nature of the human man to be horny and ever ready to inseminate a female when she wants it. They’re built to want to top off their woman frequently by ejaculating inside her so that whenever she is fertile, it will be their offspring. Frequent masturbation keeps the sperm flowing so that they’re fresh when she’s ready.”

Women are biologically driven by two competing desires.  We unconsciously and ineluctably seek a stable man who will help raise and protect our children while being simultaneously driven to seek insemination from the most attractive, healthy, intelligent sperm donor.

This is why Rutgers Anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher tells us that 40%-60% of humans are both “serial monogamists” at the same time we are “serial cheaters.”

Men are ever-ready to inseminate and are competitive for the opportunity. That’s why men are drawn to learn sexual techniques… bedroom skills give him the distinct advantage of being “invited back inside.”

While women — also at an unconscious, DNA-driven level — desire sexual variety. The variety can come from new partners in some cases, but in monogamous relationships it must come from new and creative seductive practices and techniques. Women whose desire is dampened are often women whose sex drive has been bored to death.  Once those “new relationship energy” hormones are gone, her campfire must be tended and stoked regularly to burn hotly, while his flame burns consistently bright for sex.

These are generalities, and there is as wide a variety of sexual preferences as there are stars in the sky, but it does explain why men have a very consistent desire for sex, while women need to be continuously seduced with sexual offers.

Arielle: I know you will be giving some examples of good sexual offers, but first I find the  connection between our biology and emotional needs fascinating. So you are saying the different approaches to sex are grounded in our physiology.

Susan: Yes. To sum up the difference, men need sex to feel loved while women need love to want sex.

The  vagus nerve in women has  much to do with our emotional connection to sex. The vagus nerve is the nerve of connection, compassion, and kindness and in women goes all the way from our heart into our genitals.  In men the vagus nerve stops in the abdomen. Physically, a man’s penis is not connected to his heart in the way in which a woman’s genitals and heart are connected. The good news is he can consciously connect the two through lovemaking techniques.

I have teamed with Jim Benson, creator of Multi-Orgasmic Lover, to offer over 18 hours of free online workshops to show men practices that connect their cock and heart together.  ‘Energy Cock’ is a technique we demonstrate in this workshop:

 Free On Demand Workshop: How To Give Any Woman Vaginal Orgasms Through Penetration   <==Get A Link To Watch Anytime

Men’s desire for intimacy and connection in lovemaking has been severely underestimated in our culture. Men crave intense, passionate surrendered sexual experiences with their lady loves. Men want a sexual soulmate as much as women do.

A man feels like a man through consistent intercourse. When sex dries up, part of his masculine confidence withers, along with his tool. But in order to feel truly vital, he needs more than just sex. He needs to know he’s giving his woman incredible pleasure. Fundamentally, he’s competing with other men past, present and future to gain access to a woman. If he makes her feel great, she’ll invite him back.

Competition and the drive to delight her in the bedroom compels men to collect sexual techniques. He has glorious ambitions to give her seven kinds of orgasms in seven different positions if she’ll allow him.

I’ll send you more excerpts in the coming weeks.

Let me know if you found this valuable. Just reply to this email. I get your replies, though I can’t answer everyone’s replies personally.

2 Responses

  1. Susan, it is amazing how well you know me, your article is right on the mark! I must admit I am somewhat different than most men. Something that I have been troubled with my entire life. I learned a few years later that my chromosomes XXY, were also different than most men, and that I might would have issues with a sex life with a woman. To some degree it has made a difference, because she was also told it would make a difference but we have been married for 44 years with basically a sexless and unhappy marriage. Sorry, I”m getting off track here. As you mentioned in your blog above, I have been storing up, collecting any type of technique to help me satisfy a woman. I feel if I can satisfy my woman, I too will satisfy myself. Thank you Susan for your continued support to all of us men whom is looking for answers to solve their problems.

  2. yeah your explanation about both men and women as being natural cheaters and wanting different sexual adventures is interesting to me and the two different reasons why men need sex to feel loved and a woman needs to feel loved in order to have sex…which is so true and so right on the money….

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