I love this quote from a fan of our Better Lover YouTube channel:
“Polishing her pearl makes her toes curl, but working her whole wishbone makes her heart and soul moan.” – MsZeitgeist85
I’m excited to give you a couples sexercise or erotic playdate today from our darling Dr. Patti Taylor.
ACTIVITY: STUDY ENGORGEMENT
Set a goal of studying engorgement. First notice what her clitoris looks like before you get it fluffy with blood and arousal.
CLITORAL STIMULATION IS KEY
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If you’re the giver: Repeat the exercise of “playing doctor,” having your partner identify a wide variety of your genital strokes. This time, however, practice verbal acknowledgements while you investigate. Tell her exactly what part you are touching. Tell her every stroke you are making. Notice as you do this how her level of engorgement changes.
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Her inner lips will begin to swell. Often one side will begin to change size first. Notice this and comment. For example,
“Now I am touching your outer right lip, near the top. I’m moving down slowly, toward your introitus. Now I am at the introitus. You’re starting to lubricate. I see little glistening drops of moisture just starting to form. You look most inviting. Now I am going up your left inner lip. Your left inner lip has become larger than your right lip was starting out. It is puffy and soft and looks very inviting!”
She may begin having genital contractions, which look like subtle or not-so-subtle clenching motions in her labia. Some women naturally contract more than others. Not all women are aware of any, some, or all of the contractions they are having. Starting out, if she is having contractions, they may be too subtle for her to fell, but easy for you to see visually. Note that contractions are not necessary for the experience of pleasure. Notice and enjoy them if and when they show up, but don’t worry if you don’t see them.
The coloring of her clitoris, lips and introitus will also change from a light pink to a dustier rose. Eventually, as she becomes very swollen, they will often be dark red, or even purplish in color. Notice her color changes, her contractions, and anything else you can. Comment as you notice. A steady stream of comments is the most effective.
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- “Your clitoris is glistening like a pretty pink pearl. It is coming out to play.”
- “Your lips are getting softer and fuller. They feel nice and cushiony.”
- “Your outer lips are about fifty percent more engorged than when we started just ten minutes ago.”
- “The color of your inner lips has gone from a dark pink to a deep red.”
- “I see you are starting to contract very gently. There’s one now.”
- “There’s another contraction. This one was stronger, too.”
- “Your clitoris has tripled in size when I started touching you. I find that very attractive.”
Givers, when you put this kind of attention on a woman’s genitals, you are complimenting her and approving of her at a very deep level. You are supporting her in feeling sexually desirable and deserving of all the pleasure that she can possibly consume.
If you’re the receiver, notice how it feels to be receiving so much feedback and attention. Communicate with your partner the pleasure you feel in receiving these gifts.
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- “A pink pearl.. what a lovely image.”
- “Engorged? Already? That’s great to know. Thank you.”
- “Yes, I can feel my outer lips swelling to reach for the wonderful sensations you are providing me. Please continue.”
- “I am so enjoying all your descriptions of what is going on. You are focusing my attention on my pleasure in the nicest way.”
- “Thanks for noticing those contractions. I didn’t feel the contractions, but I love to know when they are starting.”
By talking in this way as the receiver, you are rewarding your giver for their actions. They will want to give you increasingly more pleasurable attention when your erotic playdate starts out this enthusiastically.
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“Your articles are BRILLIANT! I signed up for your newsletter immediately. Your free expanded orgasm book also blew my mind. I now understand the true purpose of foreplay and arousal —engorgement. Now I know better and foreplay has a whole new purpose for me and my partner. I can’t wait to begin exploring what else I can do. Thanks for this fantastic resource!”
Download Dr. Patti’s free guide for more clitoral stimulation techniques.
