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“Wife lost interest in sex.” [Mailbag]

“Wife lost interest in sex.” [Mailbag]

Your “goal” is for her to get an engorged vulva and have orgasms. It doesn’t matter how that happens, whether you are involved or not. Learn what to do if your wife lost interest in sex…


I am 68, and my wife is 60. I think she has lost interest in sex. I’m lucky to get “it” twice a month, and I always have to ask for “it.” She never initiates wanting sex. I did purchase your Steamy Sex Ed® video collection for us, but we have yet to spend time watching the collection. 

I have myself selected a couple of DVDs for viewing and must say, the participants in the videos are, well, “quite experienced.” The dude in the video amazed me with his stamina. IF my wife pleasured me, I would not even last 5 minutes; I guess that is because I am not conditioned. 

Since she does not pleasure me, I do not have to worry about that. When we do get together, I am the one to always go down on her, and she never reciprocates though, I would like that. And, It is always missionary style; nothing is different. 

And I can never last long like the participants in your collection. If I never “asked for it,” months could go by without sex. I would like sex twice or more a week but, that is wishful thinking. It is like “pulling teeth with a crowbar” to have sex, and as I said, I am always having to “ask for it.” I would say, 80-90% of the time, I get turned down. 

Our schedules are very different. She stays up quite late and sleeps-in in the mornings, while I crash-out early because I start work at 5 a.m. Intimate time is next to nil, and because our interests are different, she and I watch our TV shows in separate rooms of the house. 

Thank you for your videos and articles as I watch and read them when they “pop” into my Gmail account.

Thank you

Stan (name changed to protect identity)


Hi Stan,

OK, here is the master plan to get your wife to want sex with you. Please do these steps in order. You are way ahead of her with the Steamy videos. You have to help her catch up.

First, please start watching the Sensual Massage videos in your Steamy Sex Ed® Video Collection. Memorize the techniques. Then offer to give your wife a no-strings-attached sensual massage that focuses on her lady parts.

Use my Bullseye Touch Technique to make sure you don’t go straight for her clitoris and spend time sensually pleasuring all around the outside areas of her vulva first.

Give her one genital massage every week, as many in a week as she wants for 5 minutes, or as long as she wants. Some days it will feel good to her. On other days, she will be anxious and have trouble settling down. Offering little rubs with no strings attached and no pressure on how long she needs to receive them will increase the number of times she will want to lie down and let you pleasure her.

If you can let her receive without any pressure to return the favor, she will much more likely accept the massage.

As soon as she thinks she will have to “do you back,” she won’t want them. You want her to enjoy them because this is how you will enliven her genitals to the point where she will want sex with you.

Ask her to give you time to practice to get good. It will feel better as you two get in the groove. Your job is to create as many opportunities for her to receive pleasure with no pressure. Get more articulate with your hands as you practice.

The Steamy videos will help you memorize a catalog of strokes you can try. Each time you massage her, different things will feel good. Ask her for lots of feedback. And make sure she is very comfortable.

You’re not ready to take on the Expanded Orgasm practice yet, but you can get these pants and wear them with a cotton tee shirt while giving her Yoni massages. (Yoni is another word for her vulva or her genitals.) Wearing these pants will keep your hairy body from scratching her as you massage her. They are soft and absorb sweat. Sweating on or scratching her will take her out of her arousal, so it’s good to manage your manliness by wearing them.

Also, make sure you keep your fingernails clipped very short and use an emery board to file down the sharp edges. If your hands are rough from the work you do, use tight-fitting (the smallest size you can get on) nitrile gloves to massage her.

Make sure you are well-groomed before each date. Shave, manscape, shower, and brush your teeth. Upping your grooming will increase the amount of sex you get.

I recommend the OneBlade for removing long pubic hair from the length of your shaft (check for long hairs growing underneath along your shaft where they hide), and a 1″ circle around the base of your penis on your abdomen. Go over the shaft and base with the CleanCut orbital trimmer after using the OneBlade. That will trim your hair down below the skin but will not give you any ingrown hairs.

Then with the OneBlade, trim your pubic hair back, so it’s short but not bristly. This will also give you a “visual inch” of penis length, which is nice to look at.

Offer your wife unlimited massages. Make the bed up nice. Get the clean, fluffy towels out. Get the good organic nut oil lubes out and ready. Put on some sexy music.

If you create this loverspace for her and make her consistent offers for a massage while reminding her that you love giving and want her to enjoy receiving them, she will take you up on your Yoni massage offers. The more you give and don’t expect sex, the more she will respect you and have sex with you.

After the first couple of massages, if she wants some easy orgasms, ask her if she wants to use her vibrator while you massage. Or suggest that you leave her in a puddle of bliss with her vibrator so she can finish herself off while you go to another room.

For this scenario, I recommend the

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. It’s a small but powerful vibrator that she can wear on her hand like a ring. That way, if her hands are full of lube, it won’t slide around. And it has such a low profile that she can fit it while your hands are on her vulva. That way, she can stimulate her clitoris as you finger her internally and massage her externally.

Side Note: I just asked Tim to have a massage date with me this afternoon. I got all turned on while writing about what you should do. Haha!

Your “goal” is for her to get an engorged vulva and have orgasms. It doesn’t matter how that happens… whether you are involved or not.

Also, offer to hold her and pleasure her breasts after the sensual massage while she uses her vibrator on herself.  If your mouth is fresh and clean and you are close shaved and smell good, she might also want you to kiss her while she uses her vibrator. Incorporate breast pleasuring where you can. Get my breast massage master plan here.

You can also let her watch her TV programs the first couple of times you massage her. Soon enough, you will have her rapt attention. All she has to do is lay there and receive while she watches a show. I know that might seem weird, but the easier you make it for her to say yes, the more she will allow you to pleasure her.

Next, get my program, Revive Her Drive. You have been doing many things throughout your marriage, which have accidentally driven her away from sex. This is very, very, VERY common. It’s the norm. Guys treat their women how they want to be treated and get mad because they never initiate or want sex enough.

I just got an email from a guy this week who bought Revive Her Drive three years ago. I told him if he didn’t try my 4 Keys To Revival, he’d never know if he can turn her around. He ended up emailing me that he tried, it worked, and he and his wife were having the best sex of their lives.

I have hundreds of testimonials for this program. Unless your wife NEVER liked sex, Revive Her Drive will give you the steps to have her loving sex with you again.

The Yoni massage is only part of the plan. And if she balks at your massage offers, then you NEED to Revive Her Drive even more.

Get the program and start Step One of the 4 Keys to Revival. It’s mostly audios that explain what you don’t understand about women and our sexual appetites. The program gives you a working model of what to do and many options to do it based on what you think will work best in your relationship dynamic.

Guys often buy Revive Her Drive to fix their wife and realize it was all the things they were doing by accident that caused her lack of desire. This means it’s easier than you think to fix it because you control your actions.

And, since you showed me that you are a man willing to invest in your sex life because you bought Steamy Sex Ed® and commented on this post, I know you are committed. Let’s also handle your premature ejaculation because one of these days, she will come so hard and so long from your Yoni massages that she will want your manhood inside her. When that happens, the last thing you want is to come as soon as she slides down on you with her rich, full, ripe vagina dripping with lubrication.

So, the other foundation to shore up is your ejaculatory choice. I want you to last as long as she wants you to. Stamina for days! Hard as a rock.

To that end, our ME Breath technique uses a method of breathing, combined with a particular pelvic move and squeeze that slows down your urge to ejaculate. You learn it while you masturbate. The ME Breath technique gives you unlimited stamina AND trains your body to have multiple full-body energy orgasms without ejaculating until you want to.

I publish this excellent program by international men’s sexual trainer Jim Benson.  It’s called Multi-Orgasmic Lover for Men. Seven short videos show you the steps to teach your body the ME Breath. We also have a robust Facebook group called The Sexual Mastery Inner Circle, where guys learning the ME Breath convene to share their questions, experiences, and triumphs.

To recap.

1) Work on your stamina by learning the ME Breath as an extension of your masturbatory practice. Then when she wants you, you’ll deliver.

2) Go through Revive Her Drive and work the 4 Elements of Revival. You will see her perk up as soon as you start the steps.

3) Offer her foot massages, full-body massages, and Yoni massages with no strings attached. I call this Awakening Her Sensually and Sexually in Revive Her Drive.

You will see amazing responses.

Oh, and before I go, I want to give you the links to the lubes. I highly recommend the Hobe Avocado oil for use inside her vaginal canal and during intercourse. It’s the most viscous and emollient of all. Use the Organic Sweet Almond oil for the outside of her vaginal canal. Massage her body everywhere, including her vulva. And the BeeFriendly is an excellent addition when stroking her clitoris or when she’s masturbating.

Never use lubes that have chemicals or words you don’t know. The vaginal mucosa is as delicate as the mouth (oral mucosa). If you wouldn’t eat it, don’t put it on your genitals. Toxic chemicals lower your hormone and neurotransmitter production.

And FINALLY… (this was a long one, haha) since neither of you has been very sexually active, you both have a fair amount of genital atrophy. I recommend you get your wife a VFit at-home vaginal restoration device. (The great news is that it increases the engorgement inside her vagina so when you have sex, it will feel a LOT better for her.) And I recommend you get yourself a Whopper penis pump and do a 13-week penile rejuvenation routine.

Here is the article that explains both and links to my FLOW Nitric Oxide supplement made with organic ingredients. Take The FLOW to improve blood flow to your penis and her vulva. FLOW will increase your erectile rigidity and penis volume when erect. It will also increase her clitoral engorgement and intensity of orgasmic pleasure. Plus, FLOW is super good for your vascular system, heart and cognitive function, and immune system.

Ok, 1,2,3. There is your plan to have a renaissance of your sex life.

Inform me about how everything goes or if you get stuck. You can reply to any of my emails. I get all replies personally.

Have fun!

NOTE: Due to some items being discontinued and other new items becoming available, these are the tools Susan recommends now. If you see a tool in a video or article but do not see it linked, most likely it is no longer available. All of the tools here are current and recommended. Thank you for taking care of your prostate health.

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